Some say I have a certain swagger. In Texas, we call it ‘walking’!” – G Dub Bush
WHAT IS CONFIDENCE?
I am going to share one of my many bizarre little secrets with you. My secret is actually a motto I repeat to myself or my friends on occasion – a motto I came up with years ago.
My motto is this: “There are two types of people in the world: the people who like me, and then the people who are just assholes.” (This is actually a spin off from my college motto, which was: “There are two types of men in the world: the ones who find me attractive, and the gay ones.” That’s the easiest way to sum it up, right? If a guy rejects you, the most likely explanation is that he suddenly realized he’s just not attracted to women.) My motto is my own little reminder to myself to be confident and to not take other people’s criticism or rejection too seriously.
What exactly do I mean when I say “confidence”? Confidence is many things – for starters, it’s both accepting AND loving yourself for who you are. Confidence means sharing the REAL you with other people and not being afraid of rejection. Confidence is not caring what other people think; it’s meeting someone’s gaze and maintaining eye contact without flinching.
Confidence is also (as far as I can tell) possibly the most attractive quality someone can possess, regardless of gender. I, for one, have never been attracted to shy men – I am always intrigued by the guys who put themselves out there and aren’t afraid to speak their minds. The guys who walk a direct path to me and strike up a conversation, not caring all that much whether they impress me or not, because their opinion of themselves matters more than what I think of them. That mindset automatically makes a man far more attractive, even if he looks nothing like Johnny Depp or Hugh Jackman (sigh).
Confidence is particularly attractive in women, I’ve found. Example: I went to a bar, knowing that I looked good – I had walked in with my shoulders pulled back, hips swinging like a pendulum, head held high – and after a few minutes, a table of very good looking guys asked me to sit down with them, which I did. One of them told me that when I first walked into the bar, they all stared and discussed how I clearly had a very high self worth, based on how I carried myself. (Thank you for all those posture corrections, Mom!) In fact, the same guy said, one of his friends at the table was already thinking of marrying me.
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that, had I walked into the same bar shuffling my feet, staring at the ground, slouched over and refusing to make eye contact with anyone, the same group of guys would not have been drawn to me and likely would have found a confident woman with whom they could converse. But since I acted like the confident woman that I am, they were intrigued.
Thankfully, confidence can be taught and learned. It’s never too late in life to look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I look amazing! Ladies, lock up your men because this chick is on the prowl.” There is always room to learn to appreciate yourself and to teach yourself to stop wasting your time wondering what other people think about you. And the more you tell yourself how amazing you are, the more you’ll really start to believe it, if you don’t already.
In the end, the only person you need to impress is yourself. Other people’s high opinions of you are just the icing on the cake.
You can reach Trinie Le Blanc at: TrinieLeBlanc@UnbreakableManLaws.com