Home > Man Law > An Open Letter from Miss Solomon: From Nice to NEXT!

An Open Letter from Miss Solomon: From Nice to NEXT!


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Dear Nice Guys of The World,

Hey there, what’s up? I know we haven’t spoken in awhile but I feel bad about the way things ended. Once we parted I thought I’d never speak to you again. Still, I couldn’t leave you with so many questions, wondering why things didn’t work out when they seemed to be going so well.

Things were going well, actually. I didn’t mind that you’d call me the second I said I would be home or back from a trip. Thanks to caller id, I never had to answer. Even the senseless texts and your attempts at humor didn’t bother me.

The truth is I just wanted you to take some initiative and escape all the fears that had held you back with other women and make one exception for me. I wanted to hear from your own mouth what you thought of me and what you wanted from me.

Don’t hate me for saying this but I was testing you. Obviously you didn’t pass. I know it brings up questions about what women really want but you have to understand even when you’re on a date with one women you’re still competing against every other man that wants to date her too.

I wasn’t trying to see how much you would let me get away with or how much of your dignity you’d let me take, I only wanted to know if you had a backbone and where exactly was it.

I would’ve been fine without the five star dining had you offered more interesting and riveting conversation. I would have been content with inexpensive dates had you only thought more creatively. All I wanted was for you to be your own person and have your own thoughts. Oh and for you to stop thinking that if you were a cast member of Entourage, you’d be Vincent Chase.

From the moment we met I could tell that you liked me a lot and while on most occasions it’s flattering, I got the impression that you liked me but you didn’t know me. It seemed like everything I ever said about anything just went right over your head. For as long as we dated, I doubt you ever even knew my favorite color or my middle name.

Whether or not I was funny you laughed at my jokes, whether or not I was hungry you wanted to take me to dinner. No matter what I said, I always felt that you just weren’t listening to who I was. I would always just be a beautiful woman.

You never realized that to me you were not a beautiful man. You were supposed to be the reason why looks don’t matter. You were supposed to be the kind of guy who listened and was attentive, able to stimulate my mind with intense conversations and deep debate. Instead you agreed with everything I said.

All you could think about was having sex. You had the look of a thirteen year old seeing porn for the first time and you didn’t even realize how many times I’d seen that look before. The minute inexperience was painted all over your face I knew we could never be.

I guess I kept thinking under the shyness and insecurities there would be an exciting, charismatic and interesting guy. You repeatedly found ways to prove me wrong. You abandoned all sincerity and let hormones take you over.

I needed you to see yourself, the way I saw you as a man who was given a chance. For all the times you swore you finished last, or were ignored. I gave you an opportunity to prove everyone wrong. You could’ve showed me that there was something to nice guys that women were missing out on. You didn’t.

You require more patience, more affection, more coaxing and coddling than any other man I’ve ever dated. Our past has been so full of boring chitchat, bitchassness and awkward kissing that I just don’t see how we could ever have a future.

I hope you will learn from this letter and find a way to make yourself either far more interesting or more self-aware. If you see me in the streets, please don’t speak.

Sincerely,

To Read More from Miss Solomon, check out her blog at: www.thedatingtruth.com and become a fan on Facebook.

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  1. Dave Capital
    May 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    I got issues with this post. Primarily because you make assumptions and generalizations that completely ignore the fact the love, sex, and relationships is a matter of relativity.

    What really is a “Nice Guy”? Does this article mean to say that any man who doesn’t display any or all of these qualities is an “A**hole” or “Mean Guy”? Where does the “Gentleman” fit in all of this nonsensical and subjective banter?

    In many ways, I consider myself a gentleman and/or Nice Guy. Yet I’m the total opposite of that caricature you presented. Hell, my last relationship came to end not for nothing else than the fact I was an independent thinker and Type-A personality. Great conversationalist and quite experienced when it comes to sex, in both endowment and skill. So what are you saying?

    You werent dealing with a “nice guy”. You were dealing with the universal LAME. Of course you didn’t like him not because he was too pleasant but because he wasn’t behaving how grown, independent men behave like a confident and self-assured male.

    So don’t get it twisted because a lame woman wouldn’t get that far with a Type-A either, especially if she behaves like a prude in bed.

    It is all relative. I’m pretty sure there are guys who find you to be lame. That doesn’t matter much because THAT’S THEIR OPINION.

  2. Mr. Hill
    May 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Your terminology is faulty. You are not describing a nice guy. You are describing someone who seems to lack the skills of dealing with people. As another posters stated, the guy seemed LAME.

    At the same time, I know your actions may have been for blog purposes. This is the way to get a response and create a debate. If this is truly a real person in which this letter is directed, I hope you confronted him in person. If not, then some of the adjectives you used to describe him can also be used to describe you.

    A nice guy can stand up on his own and speak his own mind while treating you like a woman is supposed to be treated.

  3. May 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Thanks for commenting first of all. I wasn’t sure how to respond because I think you’re right, some generalizations were made and yes, some of the men I’ve had experience dating were lames. It’s more important to understand that there is a problem. “nice” guys or men who consider themselves to be so are having a problem with women and with dating. While you may not be having the same issues, I’m asked out everyday by men who are clearly afflicted. And by everyday I mean every time I leave my house. And sometimes I don’t even have to leave my house, they’ll hit me up on Facebook or gchat. Give women some credit, there are alot of women who know the difference between a gentleman and an asshole. The reason we’re going out with these guys is because they are essentially “good” guys. So your relationship ended with none of these nice guy issues. Maybe you’re not a nice guy, you may open doors and pay for dinners and have all the manners in the world and still be a d*ck. and some women like that. It’s easy to toss around words, yes, and it can be relative sometimes but if you want to get ahead with women. You need to understand somethings that we don’t want and if you aren’t the representation of the nice guy I portrayed, then you’re winning. And btw, the only men who find me lame are the ones I won’t sleep with.

  4. May 15, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    @ Mr. Hill, thanks for commenting also. Yes, the terminology might be faulty but I used the best words broad enough to describe the multiple men I’ve dated that fall into this category of “nice’ guy/ lame. This letter isn’t to just one guy, I thought of every guy that I knew who fell into the “nice”guy category. The good on paper guy, who volunteers and has a great career a relationship with his mother that wouldn’t hurt a fly that shops at Banana Republic and plays basketball. It wasn’t for me to confront them about these issues because I’m not trying to change any man that I date. I let people be themselves, if we don’t get along, we don’t need to – we may just not be compatible. But I’ve dated ALOT of men. some behaviors were so common that I just had to start refusing dates from any guy I saw display them. Understand however that this happens to several women, not just me. The funny thing is, everyone seems to agree that these men are lame but nobody seems to want to tell them.

  5. Get your mind right!
    May 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    I disagree with the post… Your just explaining a guy you wasn’t compatible with. A case of “it wasn’t meant to be” that’s all I see… You pay attentioning to to much detail… Get your mind right…’A lot of guys have been position ..some got left some left from the situation some stay.. So what your saying is irrevalant. ” unbreakable man law” really???

    • May 16, 2011 at 12:15 pm

      @GetYourMindRight Really. Both Dave Capital and Mr. Hill wrote their comments/responses in English, what language is yours in?

  6. P. Handstrong
    May 16, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Great article, I enjoyed it.
    Predictable responses… did anyone watch the video?
    I think it goes back to that whole “Paying attention” thing…

    But I think you missed one major thing:

    People, not just men, need to learn to set boundaries.
    Boundaries for what they find acceptable, both of themselves and other people.
    Men and women alike show no respect for themselves, and then wonder why no one else gives them “the respect that they deserve”.

    It’s not answering that booty call at 2am.
    It’s telling her, “Yes, I DO mind if you bring a friend.”
    It’s making people earn and respect your attention, your time, your money, and saying GTFO to the ones who don’t.

    Also, patience is good. I like that part.
    But then you said something along the lines of “…it may take a year.” and I thought… no. If it’s gonna happen, it should happen fast.
    It might take four hours, it might take seven, it might take three dates. But if it takes a year, you are doing something wrong. Lack of intent, maybe?

    Anyway, keep up the great work.

  7. May 17, 2011 at 6:00 am

    I love this post. While I see the point of the critical comments, I think most women have experienced the exact situation you describe – I certainly have. The guys who whine about always being rejected because they’re nice, when it’s actually because they let you walk all over them because you’re pretty. The ones who whip out the adoring puppy eyes in the middle of the first date because you’re pretty and whipped out a few witty one-liners…but they have no idea who you really are yet. There’s almost nothing less attractive to me than a guy deciding that I’m the One for Him on anything but the most extraordinary of first dates.

    Your post helps with the part you didn’t really talk about: when I’m bored to tears by a self-proclaimed “nice guy,” does that mean that I really want an asshole? What is wrong with me? But there’s a difference between a doormat and a confident nice guy who will get to know you, evaluate your compatibility critically, and stand up to you when you need it. The problem is that only the former will advertise their nice-guy-ness.

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