The Unbreakable Man Laws

The Call. The Text. Accusations.

What do you mean "you're not a mind reader?"

If you’ve ever been in any sort of relationship, you’ve all been on the receiving end.

A few years ago and a day, thats when it all happened. I was walking. The sun was shining. Birds were chirping and then something in my pocket started to vibrate.

“You have mail.”

No, it wasn’t AOL. I said a few years ago, not the nineties. (Editorial Note: It was a Facebook message.)

Who knows where or when it started but I knew where it would end.

Some things come out of left field. Like this post. Just something that all of us go through at some point and from my brief time on this Earth seems likely to continue.

For whatever reason, women, or at least some women (and not the ones reading this, of course) know just the time and place to strike where it will hit hardest. From the second they met you, they were scanning for your Achilles’ Heel and chances are they knew where it was after a few dates but were keeping it in their back pocket for that moment when they needed it. Just when something good has happened – a birthday, promotion, a new car or apartment –  the island is in view and you’ve been at sea for months, and then the wind stops blowing.

Where do you think you’re going, Romeo?

Remember that time you forgot to bring her hot and sour soup? You ROYALLY fucked up a long time ago, and she thinks now is the perfect time to discuss it. Why not? You seem just a bit too happy for her not to be the root cause of it…

Yup.

A scandalous picture of you and some chic at the bar showed up on Facebook. You didn’t give the right response and she’s been thinking, stewing, STEAMING over it all this time. Oh, you thought she would forget about all that…

It doesn’t matter what you did, she knows you did something.

In the movies, you can always tell when something dramatic is about to happen – the lights darken, the camera pans out, the music gets more intense, and your heart starts to beat faster, but…

Real Fights Have No Soundtrack.

There is no cue or director.There is no script.

All of a sudden, you find yourself in the heart of one. And she’s not going to wait for you to remember your next line. If you’re like me, you’re only thinking one thing:

“Shit.”

It’s funny, but the right skillfully crafted message can cut deeper than the sharpest object.

I know I’ve been there. One moment, you’re humming along, all your friends seem to like you, boss pats you on the back for a job well done, the dog fixes himself dinner and takes himself out for a walk, and then all hell breaks lose.

One particular time a few years ago is seared into my memory. Tattooed, might be the more appropriate word.

Everything in my life was going up hill. I mean everything.

And then I checked my messages.

Sold at a store near you.

I don’t know what it is in the female brain that seems to find the perfect moment to cut you down to size. It’s not that guys won’t start fights. Quite the contrary. But when someone is about to punch you in the face, you usually know you’re about to get punched in the face.

But the opposite sex, they know how to knock you out before the bell started the round. DING!

There are no words of advice in this post. If you’ve read this far, you probably already know that a verbal argument with the woman you’re dating will probably only result in one outcome – your loss.

I won’t go into details but I found myself on the losing end. She had about a 20 point lead before she asked me to play. The fight had actually started months before when I was looking the other way. A suspicion that she had. And whether the suspicion was warranted or not, did.not. matter. It was my fault.

Some arguments, you’re just going to have fight your instinct if you want to keep the relationship going…Even if you win the argument, even if you convince her that she was wrong, what has that really gotten you? See, if Hollywood and Disney misled women into believing these fairy tale Princess tales, they did just as much damage to men by thinking that when you’re about to fight, the Rocky music starts playing and you’ll have a crowd cheering behind you by the end. But see, when you fight with her, you may have won, but there’ll be no-one standing in your corner…

The Helpless, Both Hands Up in the air gesture, is a powerful move by the female sex. Proceed with caution, Gentlemen...

The truth is, you BOTH have to want to work it out and sometimes, nothing you’re going to say is going to make any difference. In fact, in my experience, the more I said, the worse the situation became…  You two may just have to take a break and let time sort it out. She has to remember ALL the good times she had with you and for what its worth, she has to know that you feel all the pain that you’ve caused her. There may be a better way of describing this, but these are the words I have at the moment.

“We must hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.” – Benjamin Franklin

So, Gentlemen, this is one of those post that you just have to reflect on – there are no words of wisdom. Try Yoda. Just hold your ground, don’t lose your cool. Throw on the kevlar and keep on chucking. Real fights have no soundtrack, but as cliche as it sounds, anything worth having, is worth fighting for…

This is Ethan Bishop, Over and Out.

As always,  your comments welcome.