The Unbreakable Man Laws

We’ve all been there. I’ve been there. You’ve been there.

It's safe to say that if shes open for this, you are in the clear...

You meet someone new and you think it. is. ON.

All the signs are there. She ask you to pick up a bottle of wine, bring it over, and to “Dress light”.  You shower up, throw some gel in your hair, hose yourself down with cologne (Editorial Note: or Axe, lets be honest here for those of you still in undergrad), pack (extra) protection and get ready to roll.

When you show up to her place, she’s wearing sweat pants and looks like she had just woken up from a 5-hour nap. She has the look of ::sucker:: on her face.

Every time I’ve met up with someone new EXPECTING anything out of the meet up, I have failed miserably and ended up with nothing.  I tended to run into this most often in college. I would be lying if I said that I don’t run into this every once in a blue moon, usually after a recent break up, but it happens.

This over eagerness shows up in your demeanor, your facial expressions, and your text messages. Suffice it to say that the LESS you expect to get, the more you will end up with…

After you’ve been seeing her for a while and started a physical relationship, that is one thing. But if you’ve just met a girl or for some odd reason things have progressed with a girl you have class with and the two of you are hanging out one on one – do not expect anything out of the encounter. Don’t even let that thought cross your mind. The second you start thinking “I am so getting la–”, just stop that thought process right there. You’ll jinx yourself. I know. It’s happened to me more times than I can count.

Women are worse than German Shepherds sniffing for bombs at airports when it comes to telling if you want to hook up or not. It’s one thing if she’s decided in her head “Yes, this is going to happen”, but its another if she’s not too sure about how she feels about you yet and whether you would run back to your boys on the sidelines like you had just scored a touchdown awaiting high fives.

It's happened to all of us...

Even if she is begging you to come over and the two of you’ve been trading hot and flirtatious text messages (i.e. flirtext) –  don’t show up at her place shirtless, wearing a  bowtie, and quoting “The Situation”.

The way to overcome this is to have a Plan B. That’s right. Plan to do something afterwards. Either you have to meet up with your buddies afterwards or get to bed for an early class or work. This goes hand in hand with Man Law #58- A.B.D.S.E. But really, it is to calm yourself and realize that whatever happens happens and not to beat yourself up over it.  If you can have a good time with or without her in your life, that is the ultimate attractor and she will be able to sense this and want to be a part of it!

It’s 3:00 am on a Saturday morning and your cell phone rings, waking you from a deep slumber. Glancing at the screen, you see it’s the current man in your life ringing you at this ungodly hour and, against your better judgment, you decide to answer the call.

"Tsk Tsk! You should know better Gentlemen!" - Trinie Le Blanc

You (groggy): Hello?

Guy (half-drunk): Hey, did I wake you?

You (lying to be polite): Um… No, I was just… Reading. (yawn)

Guy: Cool. So, uh, I’m heading home from Bar X but thought maybe I could swing by your place… I’ve missed you this week.

Of course, you haven’t seen the guy since the previous weekend and he hasn’t bothered calling, texting or emailing in a few days… And there’s that little devil on your shoulder, whispering that you should give into temptation and just say “yes” – especially because most American women are taught from a young age to be polite, gracious and accommodating. (Frankly, many of us feel mean when we say “no.”) At the same time, because you’ve felt neglected, a part of you wants to just say, “Sure, what the hell” and give into the temptation of having him finally pay attention to you… Albeit on his terms, not yours.

This is the part of the conversation where you pinch yourself really, really hard and tell him – politely, of course – that now’s not a good time, but maybe he could give you a call tomorrow when he wakes up. Because if you start the precedent of accommodating his late-night booty calls, guess what? You’re setting yourself for disappointment, because the guy will think that it’s okay to plan on seeing you:

1) at the last moment;
2) when it’s convenient for him but not for you;
3) after virtually ignoring you all week; and
4) without having to put forth any effort to spend quality time (i.e. date time) with you.

Consider yourself a five star restaurant. You do not accept walk-ins; reservations are always required. (Coat and tie optional.) To ensure that you’re not tempted to acquiesce to your guy’s booty call, a better idea might be to not answer the phone at all.

Don’t be afraid that your refusal to accommodate the guy who’s waking you up at 3:00 am will lead him to remove you from his life. If that’s the way he operates, well then, good riddance! Better you realize that now rather than months down the road, after investing more time and emotional attachment in the relationship.

For the record, the overwhelming majority of guys wouldn’t consider your reaction to be the grounds for dumping you or giving you the cold shoulder. Hopefully, they’ll just consider it a learning experience!

Think of it as your good deed for the day on behalf of all womankind!

With all the snow these past few weeks, I’ve finally had the chance to catch up on a few movies I missed while they were in the theater including Zombieland and Hurt Locker. Both of these movies are about survival and ways of dealing with everyday situations without losing your mind. Naturally, I found these survival lessons were immediately applicable to relationships and surviving the hazardous, sometimes explosive conditions of the dating world. Grab your shotgun, throw on your bomb squad suit, and prepare for action!

Now, Zombieland takes place in a post-Apocalyptic America where the main character, Columbus, has compiled a list of Rules for Survival.  Like Zombieland, The Unbreakable Man Laws are Rules For Relationship Survival. These rules have are not only applicable to dating but some have even adapted them to the stock market! (http://www.bullishness.com/blog/posts/10-things-zombieland-taught-me-about-stock-market-investing)  You may not agree with all of them, but they will keep you alive even if by a thread!

Typically, after meeting someone new at a bar, club or house party, you are one of what could be many men she met and gave her number to that night. So don’t act too surprised when you text her a few days later and she has no idea who you are and when she met you. There are many ways to beat the odds and set yourself apart from the rest. Here, I like to employ the following:

Execute Rule #2 – The Double Tap

Execute Rule #2 - The Double Tap.

“In those moments where you’re not quite sure if the undead are really dead, don’t get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal.” – Columbus

(Editorial Note: As you can see, you should always be on the lookout for new Man Law inspirations and contact me at Unbreakablebishop@gmail.com if you want to see one written)

After going on a date or lets be honest even a late night (which includes one night stands) hookup, the other person is left thinking whether the person they shared this time with enjoyed themselves or not.  Don’t leave this up to chance! These first few hours are crucial and 24 hours later may be too late. All sorts of feelings may be going through that persons mind and one of these may be “Buyer’s Remorse” especially after a passionate hook up.

One way of reassuring that person is by sending a follow-up message – a Double Tap. Guys, its time to man up because its up to us to do this before she does. Sometimes she may beat you to the punch but you need to lead with this one.

I call this the Double-Tap because you are following up a brief encounter with a bold move to ensure the person knows where you stand.  A simple text message or (private) message on facebook stating “I had a great time meeting you” will do the job.  Sending a message within a few hours after last seeing the person will put you on a positive trajectory and the other person will think differently of you.

Now the medium at which you contact the other person is up to you. As one can attest from my association with the girls at Flirtexting, I prefer a Double Tap Text Message but some prefer the old fashioned Double Tap Phone call afterwards. Again, personal preferences here but its been my experience that a phone call within the first 24 hours makes you look a bit overly eager. Find out for yourself!

Fitness has always been an integral part of my life. As early as 5 years old, I have been an active soccer player. During the next ten years, our soccer team traveled throughout the East Coast and won two State Championships. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I discovered the gym and started weight lifting regularly. There are few feelings on this earth that feel better than a solid gym work out, just listen to Arnold Schwarzenegger describe “The Pump” from Pumping Iron (1977) and Yes, I have experienced this:

Our sole purpose in this life is to survive long enough to reproduce (See: Abiogensis). As a result, we are naturally attracted to those individuals who exhibit characteristics that will provide for healthy offspring. Therefore, our ability to maintain a healthy lifestyle is imperative towards increasing our overall attractiveness.

In this interview, we talk about how we can improve our physical body. Whitney M. Cole came recommended through a mutual acquaintance. Her dedication towards living a healthy lifestyle astounded me and I thought it would benefit our readers if they learned from her as I have. Whitney is a certified personal trainer, Pilates practitioner and nutrition counselor. As you can see through this interview, Whitney’s approach to fitness is both practical yet humorous at the same time. In addition to maintaining a blog (www.whitneymcole.com), Facebook Site, and Twitter (http://twitter.com/fitnessandfuel) , she is the Health and Fitness Editor of Dimensions Weekly, a recognized Fitness Expert on Diet.com and Health Maven at Wellsphere.com . Currently, she trains clients locally in Los Angeles and virtually through her website, www.whitneymcole.com.

As with all interviews, I requested the members of The Unbreakable Man Laws Fan Site for questions they might have for her.

Ethan Bishop:  A sentiment I hear all the time in one form or another is: “I want to get in shape and tone up but I

Whitney M. Cole

HATE the gym!”  When you have clients who feel this way, how do you approach training for these people that wouldn’t be caught dead on a treadmill?

Whitney: I ask a lot of questions to determine why this person hates the gym and make a plan to minimize their distain given the clients’ goals and resources. I train many anxious and time-strapped clients in their home to avoid the crowd. Equipment is not necessary, but I do bring light weights, stability challenging tools, resistance bands, the Bosu, etc. When I hear this from a client who is obviously just uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the gym, I do seek to break this self-imposed limitation. There are so many tools, classes and inspiring people that you get access for the minimal cost of a gym membership, often $30! Learning proficiency with the exercises and equipment breeds comfort and confidence.

For those who feel trapped indoors, I have a blast doing outdoor individual and group training on the beach, Pacific Palisades Park in Santa Monica, along trails like Runyon Canyon in West Hollywood, in playgrounds… We do a lot more body weight only or light weight workouts with Pilates and military bootcamp inspiration, and I also like to add portions of many outdoor sports: running, biking, hiking, surfing, swimming, kayaking…when possible. One of my favorites is a land and water workout I call the “Surf & Turf.” Non gym environments provide unique elements like hills, sand, and water we can use to make the workout more challenging. If there’s a sport they currently or formerly enjoyed, I’ll incorporate moves and motivation similar to what they pull from the field to maintain focus. Clearly outdoor sports and training are weather-specific. Always have a backup plan. A weak man cancels because the weather, an unbreakable man or woman is resourceful.

Ethan Bishop:  Many guys, and probably Americans in general, take better care of their cars than their bodies. Why do you think this is happening? What can we do about it?

Whitney: If the car has significant visible damage, we take it in for repair. To fix a massive dented or splintered glass in the windshield, we know the finest shoulder maximizing, gut minimizing blazer, tailored slacks, wrinkle cream, and Just for Men hair color ain’t gonna help. We each spend thousands every year on these little cheat fixers which to our own detriment, perpetuate our ability to hide what we don’t like about our bodies. The return on most of these investments sucks. Stop. Put your money to work on the real problem. Examine your budget and determine what you can spend on a trainer who will design a customized fitness program for you, even better if they can teach you nutrition too. If you can’t afford a trainer, I still recommend you pony up for a least one session. Be honest that you can only afford one and the trainer will work on developing a program that you can do on your own and ensure you know how to execute proper form before you leave.

Ethan Bishop: Where can I go to get solid weight lifting/workout advice without being bombarded with supplement ads?

Whitney: No shit. I hate those ads. I always picture those overpumped dudes farting their way around the gym as most lab-created supplements are really tough to digest and absorb. That’s probably the hardest question, given everyone starts at such a different place. Sadly, few people even, avid gym-junkies, reading fitness mags actually know how to cue the proper muscles in basic exercises without recruiting dominant muscles, commonly quads, traps, etc. Thus, it’s hard not to write to the lowest common denominator to prevent people injuring themselves. Nail your basics (get a thumbs up from an expert) and then move onto the fancy stuff. Look at videos vs. static pictures to observe the full execution each exercise, and then practice in front of a mirror. Most stuff you find in print will be on the magazine’s web site in video. Never hurts to ask a trainer how your form looks. Assuming you’ve got the basics down, I do like some of Men’s Health and Men’s Fitness articles as they focus on one athlete and the program has been designed by his trainer. Go online to look at the video.

Ethan Bishop: Many of us have 9-5 day jobs or jobs that keep us seated for long periods of time. A problem that I run into is keeping energy levels constant until I can leave work and make it to the gym. What nutritional foods can I use instead of coffee and/or caffeine pills to get me through the day without feeling starved?

Whitney M. Cole, V-Day

Whitney: Consistent fueling throughout the day (so as not to starve or overload). Yup, it requires planning, but that planning becomes clockwork in a week or two. Keep non-perishable snacks (unsalted nuts, peelable citrus fruits, apples and bottles of water) in the car, office, or anywhere you spend time. For items requiring coolness, buy a cool pack if you don’t have access to an office fridge or plan ahead where you can get healthy brain and body fuel nearby. For additional energy and focus, I do recommend drinking unsweetened (avoid real or artificial sugar) green tea (hot or cold) throughout the day switching to decaf as it affects your sleep.

Ethan Bishop: I know you must get this question a lot – How can living healthy improve my sex life? Are there specific exercises or diets you recommend to clients to improve ::ahem:: performance outside of the gym?

Whitney: Affirmative.  A fit and fueled bod amps confidence, improves sensitivity and verbal and nonverbal communication. A natural healthy diet is key to making those workouts work for you in and out of the bedroom, I mean, gym. My clients’ diet, The Arsenal assumes that while man’s food choices have evolved, our digestive systems haven’t. So stick with what was growing or grazing in the field and swimming in the sea:  veggies and fruits, eggs, lean meat and fish, nuts…and extra pounds won’t stick to you, slowing carnal pursuits.

5-6 workouts a week of different types will keep you tightened and toned. Look good in more than just candlelight. Don’t be the meathead that just lifts. Get your butt outside or on a machine for at least three 30min cardio sessions / week. Add interval training to improve speed and recovery time. You need your heart and lungs to be working efficiently. Seriously, add some Pilates in for spice. The increased range of motion will allow you to engage more muscles, even ones you didn’t know you had, in all activities: translation increased metabolism, coordination and add brute power too.

Yes, put fitness, fuel and better sex on your To-Do list!

Vary your workouts to continually challenge your body.

Ethan Bishop: Since you’ve been in California, have you met Ahhnold?

Whitney: Nope, but Maria called yesterday when she was driving.  I hung up. We Californians can’t afford to pay another one of her tickets.

Ethan Bishop: For those of us thinking about hiring a Personal Trainer, what information should we go in there with? Is it realistic to think that we can go in there with a cover of Men’s Fitness or Women’s Health and say, “Make me look like this”?

Genetics plays a heavy role in determining how we look, including how and where we put on muscle and store fat. That being said, there’s a lot in our control and it’s your choice to work out hard (and smart), fuel properly and lead a healthy lifestyle to look and feel your best. In always ask clients to bring a goal photo: of themselves when they “had it” or of a model / celebrity  who’s bod they want. I can quickly confirm that’s realistic, sort out any head cases, or, point out any differences between the client’s and celeb’s body types, noting we’ll strive for the arms, chest, back, abs, butt in the pic and how they can expect their particular body type to respond and look. Again, YOUR BEST!

(Editorial Note: The next part of the interview consisted of questions directly posed by members of the Unbreakable Man Laws Fan site…)

Read more…

The previous blog interviews featuring Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, the girls who wrote Flirtexting, have consistently been amongst the most popular post on the blog! For Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a great idea to bring them back for a Special Unbreakable Guest Post! They asked all of their hot girlfriends to tell them what they love about Flirtexting, and here’s what they said…

(Be sure to enter the Flirtexting Valentine’s Day Special on their blog to win a Free Autographed Copy of Flirtexting! Follow the girls on Twitter (@Flirtexting),and check out the Facebook Fan Site, Flirtexting.Debra and Olivia will be speaking on MTV tonight @9pm EST on the Dangers of Sexting!)

WHAT GIRLS LOVE ABOUT TEXTING….

Be sure to check out their book, Flirtexting!

“I love it when a guy texts me a funny quote from a movie we watched together the night before.” – Vanessa

“I love a simple goodmorning text just to let me know you’re thinking about me. “Goodmorning sleepyhead” is all it takes to keep me smiling throughout the day.” – Jessica

“I love when a guy brings back a joke or debate from a date a day or two later. For instance: Say we had a playful debate on what constitutes a fast food restaurant. The next day he sends me a text that says:”FYI: ‘insert definition of fast food’ – Websters doesn’t lie, sounds like you owe me lunch!” - Natalie, 25

“I love when a guy makes a definitive plan to get together – posed in a charming way, ie: “You and me, Raoul’s 9:30 tonight.  Say yes?”- Chloe, 24

“My favorite texts are the ones I get from a boy I just parted ways with that say something complimentary to let me know I’m still on their mind: “Did I mention how sexy you looked today?  Good to see you pretty girl”- Janet, 19

“I love it when a guy texts me out of the blue, just to tell me he is thinking of me or he went somewhere and something he saw or heard, etc., reminded him of me.  Or that he’s missing my smile.  Cheesy yes…but makes me feel good.” -Stefani, 33

“I like it when a boy makes fun of me via text – but is genuinely kidding. ” -Candice, 27

“Things I love is texting a witty joke right after my date drops me off or leaves my casa…it lets me know he had an amazing time and is still thinking of me.” -Rene, 26

“I LOVE when boys text you a compliment….like…”You looked so pretty last night…” or “I had so much fun with you yesterday”….it lets you know that they are sitting at their desks at work….DREAMING of you!” - Courtney, 26

“I love receiving texts hinting to inside moments shared together; it makes me feel special.” - Nisha, 24

Ethan’s talked a lot on this blog about what forms of behavior women find attractive in men, and given some great advice to readers on how to maximize those behaviors and make them ingrained.  But the next question is, what are the roots of that attractiveness perceived by women?  In other words, why do women find these behaviors attractive?

"How's a girl supposed to properly accessorize if Apple won't make a bronto-hide iPod cover?" (Raquel Welch in "One Million Years BC")

Perhaps because each of us knows innately what attracts us as men, we don’t think enough about what really attracts   women to men.  This is unfortunate, because what attracts men to women most (physical beauty) is not what primarily attracts women to men.  (Which is lucky for most men… we actually have it way better than the girls.)

Consider:  in 1992, TV Guide ran its annual “Sexiest Man and Woman on Television” survey.  The female winner was Cindy Crawford, then 26 years old, who was hosting House of Style on MTV at the time. The male winner:  Patrick Stewart, who at that time was playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

To which the common response is:  say what?  Most men (certainly) and most women (probably) could understand Cindy Crawford being selected, but Stewart at the time was 53, Lex-Luthor  bald, and not exactly muscular.   How is it that women could find him the Sexiest Man on TV?

The answer:  STATUS.

Assume that our boy-pursues-girl behavior (which is a subset of mating behavior) is bred into us by millions of years of evolution. The 10,000 years or so since we were tribal hunter-gatherers  has not been long enough to re-wire that genetic programming. Thus, we are innately attracted to the same characteristics in the opposite sex as our distant ancestors were. We may have better hygiene, medicine and technology, but despite everything our egos tell us about sophistication and modernity, when it comes to The Merry Chase, we’re really just Cro-Magnons with iPods.

In that environment, to maximize the probability of offspring surviving, women were subconsciously drawn to men who could protect them and their babies.  Because of this programming, which is deep inside the “firmware” programming of the female brain and still in operation, modern women are still attracted to big strong hunks who can throw a spear, provide mastodon meat, and kill the saber-toothed tiger.  But they are EVEN MORE ATTRACTED to the chieftain of the tribe who all those young strapping spear-throwers answer to.  This is why women are (sometimes despite themselves) attracted to powerful men – which in modern society often translates to wealthy men.  It’s NOT about the money – it’s about the STATUS that that man has.  (Remember, back in the 60’s Henry Kissinger dated Jill St. John. That “seductiveness of power” is also why women stay with jerks who abuse them.)

This also explains Stewart’s ranking as the Sexiest Man on TV – women were probably voting for his character, Captain Picard, “chieftain of the Enterprise”.  Picard doesn’t HAVE to be the tallest guy with the best hair, or the best fighter – those guys work for him.  He can simply say, “Number One, Mr. Worf, defend that female while I finish reading MacBeth”, and they answer “Aye, aye, Captain,” and hop to it. A woman who is “the chieftain’s woman” has an army ready to defend her and her babies.  It doesn’t matter that the chieftain’s best days of personally throwing spears are behind him – having a supply of strong young minions to throw dozens of spears is better than that.

This principle is why one of the “Four Signs of a High-Status Male” that AskRomeo discusses in our seminars and bootcamps is being a leader.  Women are uncontrollably drawn to a man in charge.  It doesn’t have to be in a life-or-death situation – merely solving a modern problem of scoring a table in a crowded bar, or getting a bunch of drunks safely home, will gain you points. (However, saving the Earth from an alien invasion would probably work also.)

"You and I are going to be so money with the babes after this." (Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day)

Along the same lines, another of the four signs of a high-status male is being a protector of loved ones.  This is what enables a poor man to still fire a woman’s subliminal “protect me” gene regardless of not ranking high on the modern status-O-meter scale of wealth.  This explains why firefighters – who don’t make a lot of bank, and might even be unpaid volunteers – consistently rank at or near the top of women’s list of the sexiest professions.  Women see a firefighter, and somewhere, probably deep down, something says to her, “That is a man who will run into a burning building to save my babies.”

As readers of the Unbreakable Man Laws know, certain alpha-male behaviors like leadership and (especially) confidence simply work in the boy-pursues-girl environment.  But the reason they work is because they subliminally communicate status.

So, how does the average guy develop social status if you’re not rich, powerful, or talented, or named Kennedy?  The good news is, social status is a phantasm – it’s all in the head.  By that I mean: it’s in your head, their heads, and her head.  To have complete control, you can simply create it.  How do I do that? That’s another post.

(BTW:  according to his bio on Wikipedia, Patrick Stewart’s second wife was 18 years his junior.  After their divorce, he dated a woman 40 years his junior for four years, and now, at age 69, he’s dating a 31-year-old who is younger than his daughter.  And then there’s Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones… Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle… Tiger Woods and a cast of thousands…  Do I need to go on?  Nah.  Didn’t think so.)

“As soon as the desire to win emerges, one loses perspective and attempts to force the issue, which can result in defeat.” – Ancient Budo Wisdom (See the book: Budo Secrets)

There are many factors that make one attractive to the opposite sex.  One of the most PROMINENT attractors are those who appear not to be overly concerned with the outcome.  While this post is written from the male perspective, it applies to both sexes. Practitioners of this MAN LAW want things to go in their favor, however, they realize that they are not dependent on a reaction from this person.

The stars don't have to align for the first kiss. Simply don't ask questions, be confident in your movements. And go for it.

For instance, here is a sample conversation of what one might encounter in his pursuits to find – the one:

Her: “We are NOT having sex tonight.”

Your response: “OK!!! “

Her: “Good.I’m glad we made that clear.”

Her (thinks to self): WTF? Why doesn’t he like me? I better f*** him.

Now, Gentlemen, I realize this seems to be counter-intuitive, but if you get into this situation, just trust me on this one. Don’t start listing how you were on the Honor Roll in High School, played Varsity Football at Texas, and helped feed starving children in Haiti. Just STFU and say: “Ok!“

And here’s the secret. You have to mean it.

Now, if you become too indifferent, too nonchalant, women will throw you into a different category. They call these guys – assholes.

And while you may have heard that being an asshole is attractive to women, it’s really a combination of other characteristics that makes him attractive. He only becomes an asshole AFTER the woman realizes that he’s not behaving as she thinks that he should.  (Editorial Note: Now, guys also have another name for a woman that fall into this category, but that’s another story.)

When we exert too much importance on a specific event, we can EASILY become overbearing and have the opposite effect of pushing that person away. We’ve all done it, I know I have.  You find yourself contacting that person way too much – you follow up the phone call, with a text, with a Facebook message, with another text, with another phone call.  If the person REALLY wanted to get back in touch with you, they would have done so after the first or second attempt.  At this point you need to do one thing and one thing only.

The Trials of Today will make you the Man of Tomorrow.

Let Go.

Or as a good friend suggested to me for a Man Law a few months ago – “If at first you don’t succeed, try someone else.“

You INCREASE your value to the person of interest when you show that you are not attached to a response from her. You are not NEEDY of them.  If you’ve ever heard a girl describe a guy she went on a date with as pushy or “try hard”, he was doing too many things to impress the girl. Women sense this and a lot of times they’ll say to themselves “Why is he trying so hard? He must not have any options.”

In some regards, you can view being “detached from the outcome” as a way of being mysterious. The other person can not really tell if you are interested in them or not. When you find yourself becoming attached, you’ll spend time and effort thinking of everything right that you can do, only to have the girl think to herself “He’s cool, but he would really be great for someone else. I think we should just be friends” and she’ll turn around right after your date that night  and go home with the construction worker who asked her to buy him a PBR.

If the person is right for us, there will be PLENTY of opportunities to go on fancy dates, expensive dinners, concerts, and vacations at exotic resorts. Just because she says she is a Ford Model doesn’t mean you have to take her to the Four Seasons when you first go out with her.

These two words might be the most powerful two words in the entire blog. In my life, I’ve been very fortunate.

This picture has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with rejection, but for the guys out there who are going through one, it should make you feel better. Picture taken from the movie "Bitch Slap". No comment.

I’ve been rejected. A Lot.

Not just by women. Dogs. Cats. Even some trees.

Now, I’m not talking about the face slaps or the ice-in-your-face that you see in the movies type rejection.  I’ve never seen that happen (but if this has happened to you, please send in your story to UnbreakableBishop@gmail.com). The type of rejection I’m speaking of is the one where you’ve wanted a situation to turn out one way and it turned out different; WAY different.

Earlier in the blog, I posted Man Law #6 which stated that flowers were the kiss of death early on in the courtship. I still believe that. This law wasn’t born out of thin air. While many women agreed that you shouldn’t send flowers too early, other women, particularly European women (i.e. born in Europe) disagreed.  To the American women who stated they liked flowers, I THEN asked them “How many times have you actually gotten serious with a guy who gave you flowers prior to any romantic involvement?”

::crickets::

::more crickets::

Now, here is the story that led to this Law. Realize that this was not one singular event but this was the culmination where I realized that all the Shakespeare, all the Dawsons Creek, all the Wonder Years, had lied to me. Flowers – Just Don’t Do It.

Almost five years ago, I took a weekend trip up to New York to visit a childhood friend of mine I had reconnected with through Facebook. She was now attending Law School and we had decided

This just about sums it up.

to go to one of those “exclusive” Law School parties with students from Columbia and NYU.  There were a ton of beautiful people there and one in particular was a young Dominican girl from Brooklyn.  Now Lawyers and potential Lawyers are dangerous to begin with, but cute, attractive ones are downright deadly.  One thing led to another, by Monday I was home and by that Wednesday, she was my girlfriend.

Pamela Anderson once said “Don’t Get Married on Vacation” and I had done just that.  Needless to say, we parted on good terms, stayed in touch but I still had a thing or two for her. While we were still talking to each other, I ordered flowers through FTD.com to be delivered to her on Valentine’s Day (Also known by the term S.P.A.D, Single People Awareness Day.)  There are hundreds of women that are shaking their heads while they read this because flowers on Valentine’s Day is quite possibly the worst, I repeat, the WORST, thing you can do with someone you are not exclusive with.  Looking back, I really don’t have a clue what I was thinking since I wasn’t going to move to New York and she wasn’t going to drop out of Law School.  But no one was there to tell me otherwise, and what followed is what they don’t show you in the movies.

I won’t get into details of the page long letter she sent me, but what I can tell you is that we have not spoken a WORD since.

Luckily, at that time of my life I had some experience with rejection and I stepped back, recalibrated and got back on my feet again. It took about a week. But there’s been times where it took close to a year before I really felt normal again. In Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins, there is a pretty powerful scene where the father says to Bruce:

“Why do we fall down Bruce?”

“So we learn how to pick ourselves back up.”

And this is even more true with relationships. Getting rejected or hearing the lets just be friends hurts us all but don’t try to conquer it because its going to happen no matter what. The reason why I called this “Embrace Rejection” is because you have to accept that this will happen no matter what and timing and circumstances might be going AGAINST you and have nothing to do with who you are. There are so many reasons why someone might not be on the same page as you are that its pointless to analyze these. If you find yourself constantly rationalizing someones behavior to the positive, chances are you need to pick up your stuff, say “NEXT”, and move on. Don’t let Rejection get the best of you. Step back, Brush the dust off. And learn to get back up. Each time is quicker, faster, and you grow stronger.

Man Law #71 is a condition precedent to Man Law #72 for you 1Ls. Look for it next week!

“I think there should be a law against anyone getting married under 35.” – Tom Hanks, New York Times article published in 1988. Married for the past 22 years.

Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, Married since 1988.

For the record, I’m going to start this post off by stating that I want to get married. I want to have kids, raise a family,  the whole 9 yards, the Full Monty. I do not have anything against the institution of marriage per se or against monogamy. I simply think that one should wait until they are of an age where they feel they have experienced enough of life before trotting down the aisle.  I want my decision to get married based on my personal choice and not from pressure from the girl who I’ve been dating or a fear of growing old and lonely. Personally, I don’t believe that this can happen before you turn 30.  If you are 21 or 22, and have dated the same guy or girl for a few years and feel like the only thing left for you to do is get married, by all means, go for it if you feel that it is right.  However, the period of getting married at 20 and staying married to that person for 30-40 years has pretty much died off and if America or society is ever going to truly mean “Till Death Do Us Part” when we exchange wedding vows, we will have to revisit the whole idea behind matrimony.

So last Sunday I’m channel surfing and came across a fascinating interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on the Diana Rehms Show (Editorial Note: the interview can be played through Windows Media Player). Mrs. Gilbert just released a book entitled “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage”. Here is a woman who went through a horrible divorce. It really shaked her belief system and she went through a period where she questioned what her original decisions to get married were based on – just WHY she felt the need to get married at an early age.  As she states in one interview on NPR that when she was 19, she would stay up until 2 in the morning with the other girls in the dorm and PANIC over how they were going to raise their kids and hold a full-time job.  To put this in perspective, the only thing I could think of when I was 19 at 2 in the morning was how to watch the porno I downloaded from Napster without waking up my buddies next door or my roommate. (If you are reading this, Sorry Will, duty calls!)

In the next few paragraphs I hope to give an accurate but brief summarization of two of her musings that really stood out and left an impression on me. Married or not, everyone should listen to the interview. If you are a woman, you need to listen to the entire interview more than anyone and leave us poor guys at peace. So, sit down, grab some coffee, listen to the interview and think about this stuff before you find yourself walking down the aisle wondering who the person is standing next to you that you are about to live the rest of your life with…

"Ronnie, we've known each other for almost a full week, why haven't you proposed" -Sammi Sweetheart

Women want a wedding and not necessarily to get married. Almost as soon as little Suzy learns to walk and starts reading, she starts planning her wedding.  Now this isn’t ALL women, but a large majority actively think about these types of things. It’s no wonder that America is lost when it comes to marriage.  She is looking for a man to fill a role, a position. You can picture the Craigslist advertisement: “Hey, we have a job opening for a man with these qualifications. Send resumes AND references to suzy@housewife.com ).  I remember living in the dorm rooms and seeing some of the girls with subscriptions to Bridal Guide. There’s only one problem with that equation, you need a boyfriend first! Now, not all girls are like this and many have a strong, more realistic head on their shoulders. As one of my girl friends, who I shall call “Trixie” puts it, “I went to college to get a BS, not a MRS.”   To hear Elizabeth Gilbert talk about the inspiration behind this law, skip to around the 15th minute in the interview. (Ladies, that means you.)

To many women, marriage means that they have been chosen. It signifies that out of the pot of women of every shape, size, and color, that she has been chosen as being worthy of someone’s love and attention. She has been PICKED from the crowd. In some respects, this would make anyone feel special.  In Elementary School,  No one wanted to be the last person picked on the dodge ball team. The faster someone chose you, the better you were. In many ways, we never grow out of this childish way of looking at things. We carry this belief system into early adulthood. The faster we finish school, get a high paying job, get married and have kids, that we are somehow beating the rest of the competition. And then what? We are subconsciously programming ourselves to look for outside validation.  Gentlemen, for those ladies out there accusing you of wanting to be a bachelor for life or being single, share with them the fact that it is statistically proven that the longer you wait to get married, the greater the likelihood of staying together. Why do you think that is? Maybe marrying the second or third person you ever slept with wasn’t the best idea after all. At least wait until number five or six.

Now, prior to the twentieth century there was a very REAL reason for getting married early. If the average life span was 35, you couldn’t afford to wait until after your law degree to have kids if you were a woman. But in 2010, we are experiencing the longest life expectancies ever. You have at least two solid marriages to prepare for in your life so SLOW DOWN! That’s one marriage to have kids in, and one marriage to actually be happy in…but NOT if you wait, you can have your cake and eat it too. For those of you who can’t, go for it, maybe you can break the mold. Prove me wrong.

On a side note, I was recently promoted to another position within the company. I received an e-mail from my Mother today (1/23/2010) congratulating me on “…doubling my salary in three years…” but she was quick to point out  “Another 20k and you can finally get married…”

Thanks Mom, I love you too.

Women have a great advantage in the relationship department because of one simple thing – they talk. They learn from each others experiences and mistakes and this is added to the general body of knowledge known as the “female” perspective. They might not agree with everything in this body of knowledge, but they have plenty of resources at their disposal to get advice on dating and getting what they want out of relationships. Men do not.

When a guy ask another guy for advice about women, the vast majority of the  conversations will usually go something like this:

Jordan Harbinger (left) and AJ, Host of PickUp Podcast and founders of "The Art of Charm"

Jason: Dude, I have a date with that Russian girl, Lena, tonight! I really like her, what do I do?

Adam: Just be yourself.

Jason: But where do I take her? What do I say? How do I act?

Adam: I don’t know dude. Just be yourself and if she’s the one for you then things will work out.

Jason: But…

Adam: What channel is the game on tonight?

If you want to learn how to drive a car, you go to Drivers Ed. So, when you want to learn how to improve your dating skills, you go to a Dating Coach. When I first downloaded PickUp Podcast and was introduced to AJ and Jordan Harbinger, I was looking for advice on a SPECIFIC situation. I did not recognize most of the names of the guys they interviewed but I did have an interest in “Body Language” and “Story Telling”.  Because men don’t talk or share this information as our female counterparts do, we become secluded on our islands of thought. The Podcast became an easy way of finding answers to all sorts of questions that guys think but are often too proud to ask.

After going through the first 5-10 PickUp Podcast and listening to what AJ and Jordan called the “Toolbox”, I was hooked. I quickly subscribed and for the next year or so during my 2-hour commute went through dozens of interviews that included tips by and for the common man. Many of these interviews and conversations formed the inspiration behind The Unbreakable Man Laws.

AJ and Jordan launched PickUp Podcast back in 2007 and it quickly grew from 30 listeners a week to 10,000 listeners a month. After taking a brief hiatus to finish up the New York Bar exam, Jordan took a job on Wall Street while AJ finished up his degree in Biology at Michigan. In no time at all, the PickUp Podcast blew up to 40,000 downloads each month and are now at 100,000 listeners each month. When they realized there was a solid market, AJ and Jordan formed The Art of Charm school . Since the inception, The Art of Charm school has been featured on NBC’s Today Show, Saturday Night Live Weekend Update, the NY Daily News, WABC Radio and a host of other news media.

"The Art of Charm" is the name for the program that AJ and Jordan Harbinger formed to teach men and women how to flirt, build attraction and succeed in business and personal relationships.

As with all of my interviews, I asked members of The Unbreakable Man Laws Fan group on Facebook if they had any questions for AJ and Jordan. Nick Bradshaw stepped up to the plate and a shout out and thanks goes to him for submitting these questions. Be sure to follow the contact links at the end of the interview to find out more information on The Art of Charm by dating coach Jordan Harbinger.

Question: Do you see the pickup game as more of a science or an art?

Jordan: It’s really a bit of both.  First, there’s definitely a science to what we’ve developed as a community and as a company.  Many, MANY men (and women, as evidenced by some of our fanmail from bisexual and lesbian show listeners and clients) have tried a LOT of techniques and systems, and reported their results.  The end product is definitely ‘scientific’ in nature, but artful in the delivery.  Since the scientific system can be tweaked and molded to fit each of us as individuals so that it’s congruent with who we are, I’d say after the foundations are in place, that which is communicated is very much an art.

A good way to look at it is like this: when building a house, first one must dig a proper foundation and build the frame.  There’re different designs for sure, but at the end of the day, EVERY house has these basics.  Once that is built, the parts that are displayed to the world are a reflection of the designer/architect.

Jordan Harbinger on his show "Game On" which runs every Friday from 8-10pm EST (5-7pm PST) on Sirius "Stars Too" (108) and XM (139) Radio.

Question:  Can ANY guy REALLY use the techniques that you’ve come across?

Jordan: I used to ask myself the same question all the time, even when I got good at this stuff.  I thought, even after ‘mastery’, that MAYBE we’d just invented a great system that works for US.  However, after teaching hundreds and hundreds of clients and receiving reports from thousands of listeners across the globe, it’s obvious that what we teach can work for anyone.

In fact, we’ve had clients as old as 62, as young as 16 (with parental consent).  Both men and women, gay and straight, people with social anxiety, mild autism, ADHD, and a whole gamut of other challenges.  Our system has delivered results to all of them.

Question: When is it okay to break the “pick up” rules?

Jordan: It’s funny.  That Dalai Lama actually said: “Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.” I thought that was quite unexpected from the Dalai Lama himself.

In order to know when it’s okay to break rules, you first have to master them, and understand WHY they exist in the first place.  The rules (or, the ‘what’) are training-wheels for new guys to use so that they avoid self-sabotage and common pitfalls during the early phases of their learning.

Learning the ‘why’ (the reason WHY a rule exists to begin with) is a very large part of what we teach here at The Art of Charm.  We want all of our students to be masters of social dynamics, and so we spend a lot of time explaining and illustrating the reasons behind everything our students see and experience.  This level of knowledge is what separates those who can reproduce a mechanical result versus those (such as AoC graduates) who can adapt their skillset to any situation, from the bedroom to the boardroom.

Question: How can a guy ensure that his game doesn’t land him in the Friend-Zone?

Jordan: The model that we use here at The Art of Charm is based on a “Map of Interaction”, which includes the ‘Attraction’, ‘Rapport’ and ‘Seduction’ phases of an interaction.

One of the most common mistakes guys make is failing to generate sufficient attraction with a girl and jumping straight into the rapport (connection) phase.  This is where emotions are shared and a real connection to other people is made.  However, without attraction in place, the guy falls squarely into the friend zone.

Question: How long do you wait before you call/text a girl after a successful Pick Up?

Jordan: Contrary to what we’ve ‘learned’  from movies and other sources, texting right away is often the best idea, and results in more solid follow-up and a higher likelihood of meeting up again.

After I meet a girl and get her number, I’ll text her a few hours later at the most.  That way, she still remembers me, even if she has 10 other guys chasing her that night.  Further, her emotional state is still pumped from her interaction with me, and this ensures she’ll save my number in her phone if we haven’t taken care of that already.  Of course, this greatly increases the likelihood that she’ll answer my texts and phone calls, which is directly related to the chances up us meeting up.

We’ve actually tested this scientifically with a few hundred women, and put it into a follow-up system that we’re releasing to our listeners.

Question:  After a successful Pick Up, do you stop running game on the girl? If no, then how long do you continue?

One of The Art of Charm instructors, Johnny Dzuback, giving a lesson.

Jordan: Here at The Art of Charm we don’t consider anything we do to be ‘running game’.  We don’t ‘turn this stuff off’ because it becomes a part of you.  Confident guys who have their sh!t together (feel free to change that to ‘stuff’ or whatever) don’t turn off their confidence -ever.  It’s just who they are.

Question:  How do you “run game” and “keep it real” at the same time?

Jordan: (see above) -with us it’s all about authenticity.  We bring out the best part of everyone who walks through the door, and give them the tools to bring out the best in others.  There’s no difference between ‘running game’ and being confident and charismatic.

I believe that this is a ‘subtractive process’ and not an ‘additive process’.  What we DON’T do is give guys a bunch of material to help them put a veneer over their flaws.  Having a social mask just drives a wedge between people that makes it impossible to connect.

In other words, we remove guys’  insecurities and social issues, fake personas, etc, so that who they really are is what’s displayed in a confident and attractive manner which allows them to make strong, authentic connections with others.

Question: Is there a “golden rule” when it comes to Pick Up Artistry?

Jordan: Yes.  Always “Leave her better than you found her.”  I encourage people to extend that to every area of their lives.  You’ll be glad you did.

As soon as you finish reading this post, check out the free PickUp Podcast on iTunes – over 100 hours of interviews and tips for guys on dating, building rapport and attraction. Check out The Art of Charm School at www.theartofcharm.com .You can also follow AJ and Jordan on Twitter @PickUpPodcast, @TheArtOfCharm and be sure to check out their show on Sirius/XM Radio Game On every Friday 8-10pm EST (5-7pm PST) on “Stars Too” Sirius 108/XM 139.