You can’t build a reputation on something you are going to do.” – Henry Ford

To my utter surprise, when Man Law #79 was posted, it received some immediate flames from not only fans but close friends.  “How did this happen?” was the first question that entered my mind.  I’m always looking for constructive criticisms from those who are not going to hold back. Every now and then a rage-filled response to something I’ve written is not only appreciated but deserved. So after hearing some valuable feedback and opinions from friends and readers, I came to the following conclusion and thought I’d take some time to clarify the two points I hoped readers walked away with after reading the last entry:

If you look for the definition of "Integrity", you'll see a picture of "Cary Grant." Just trust me on this one. Rent any movie he's been in and take notes Gentlemen!

1) Women have an amazing ability to recall most, if not all, things that you say…

and with this in mind…

2) Follow through your words with actions.

That’s it!

Instead, a large number of readers left the post with the following belief:

They [Women] are waiting for you to screw up and say something you don’t mean in order to call you out on it later at your moment of weakness. They’ve got both ears perked, cameras rolling, and are listening to your every word, every gasp that leaves your mouth for a HINT that you may be talking out of your ass and filled with BS.

Now, in order to make things interesting, sometimes it’s necessary to embellish the story and add a few exaggerations here and there.  It’s a blog (read: fun entertainment). For those who have been reading for a while, you’ve hopefully come to understand my tongue-in-cheek instructional methodology. If not, please start from the beginning here.

(Editorial Note: For those of you who have an aversion to mathematical symbols and Physics references, you may want to read something else now!)

Which brings me to the subject of the current post, Man Law # 80 – Integrity.Integrity.Integrity. or  I³ if you’re nasty. Pronounced: “I-cubed” for short.

Integrity along with one other item, which I’ll mention in a later post and starts with the letter “P”, is one of the most important factors that every man has working for him. As soon as you meet a new woman,  whether she knows it or not, she is subconsciously saying to herself “Is this guy as good as he appears or says that he is?” If she’s not thinking this, chances are she’s saying to herself “Get this guy away from me.”

Integrity is one of those things you have to show right from the start. At T=0 of your initial interaction, you have a blank slate and this is why its important to set the right framework from the very beginning; If you say you are going to call her at 2:00pm on Tuesday, then call her at 2:00pm on Tuesday.  If you say you are going to take her out on Friday at 8:00pm, then take her out on Friday at 8:00pm.  Simply following up with these little things can make a big difference in how she sees you. It shows that you do what you say and that you follow through or in other words – you’re responsible.

"I'm sorry, I'll call you earlier when I'm going to be late next time!" - Soon-to-be-Deceased Dan

Brief aside, if you are running late or think you’ll have to postpone the date until later, don’t call 5 minutes before hand to cancel. Even if I’m held up in traffic, I’ll text/call the person beforehand and state that I will be 30 minutes late.  This will give you bonus points in the end.

Although I run this blog, people sometimes falsely assume that I am claiming to be a dating expert. I’m not. In fact, I got called an “asshole/jerk” a few minutes before I posted this, but the point is, I’m willing to admit mistakes and move on.  Occasionally, I’ll even squeeze out an apology or two when I feel I’ve done something really wrong (and I’ve already filled my apology quota for the year).

Women’s lives are filled with guys who overpromise and under deliver. It’s part of the reason why many give us such hard times in the first place.  In almost all areas of life that I can think of, its better for the reverse to be true. Better to under-promise and overdeliver and produce that “Wow” effect (Credit: Zappo’s CEO Tony Hsiesh for that observation). If she’s expecting McDonalds and you take her to McCormicks, you’ve produced that “Wow” effect.  Before I start veering off topic, let me end Man Law #80 as directly as possible. I lost the original Aristotle quote I had planned to use so Tony Montana, Scarface will have to do:

“All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand?” – Scarface

Integrity. Gentlemen. This is Ethan Bishop. Over and Out.

Comments Welcome.

“You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.

Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

-Originally spoken at Wedding Ceremonies to the Groom

Of course, getting arrested might not be ALL that bad...

Now women don’t go about reading you these rights at the beginning of a relationship, but it sure would make things a whole lot easier if they did! Dating a woman is a lot like entering a verbal contract with the law.  As soon as the two of you start seeing each other more seriously, a mental list is set up in her head. If you violate anything on this list, she checks this off and puts it in a category called “Things I’m going to change.” At this point, it’s safe to say that you’ve passed all of the “Red Flags From Last Night ,” however, your job is FAR from over. In fact, in many ways, it is only the beginning. Just because you’ve been admitted, doesn’t mean you’ll graduate! Common items that she’ll note on her list:

If you have a habit of wearing two different colored/styled socks. Check.

If you love wearing shirts that went out of style in the 70s. Check.

If your dance moves look like they were stolen from Napoleon Dynamite. Check.

If you have a habit of saying things and not following through with them. Check. Check. RED FLAG. RED ALERT. Man your stations.

And its this last item that is the subject of this Unbreakable Man Law.

Right from the start of the courtship process, you need to make absolutely sure you don’t promise anything that you know you cannot deliver. If you promised her an all expense paid round world trip exactly 384 days from the day that you  first met her, you better be sure  that on the 384th day, your ass is at the airport. Don’t think for a second that just because you were drunk at 3:45am in the morning when you said it that she would forget. She won’t.

In fact, a lot of women have such good memory when it comes to these sorts of things, that she’ll repeat verbatim something you said 3-4 years ago.   It’s like a cruel “Jedi Mind Trick.” Women are so good at this that a lot of them can convince you of saying things you really didn’t! Observe.

Girl: “Hey Johnny, remember when you said you’d take me to Barbados?”

Guy: “What? I never said that! “  (Denying it makes you look guilty already, better to keep quiet and give her the blank stare until she continues)

Girl: “Yes, you did. It was on our 4th date –  June 21, 2003, when you took me to Ben and Jerry’s after the baseball game. We were driving down 35th Street, had just passed Macy’s on our right and out of nowhere you said ‘I’m taking you to Barbados’ “

Guy: “I did?”

Girl: “Yes. You did.”

Guy: “I guess I did…really?”

Girl: “YESSSS!” (raises voice, crosses her arms and acts annoyed)

At this point, its over with. She’s already got you where she wants you.

Guy: “I guess I’m taking you to Barbados then…”

Girl: “You’re right!”

Gentlemen, for those of you staring around looking confused, don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. This is why its important to remember “Anything you say can and WILL be used against you.” You can easily solve this by only promising small things at the beginning and following up with them. If you say you’ll take her out to dinner next week, then FOLLOW through with it because she will NOT forget. She’ll just think “He said he was going to take me out to dinner on Friday, and its Wednesday, and he hasn’t said anything. I hope he doesn’t think I forgot.”
Here is an easy way to be a hero and really shine through, make the reservations on Tuesday and set it in stone.  If you build up enough times of stating things that you follow through with, missing once or twice won’t knock you out of the ball park. You will now have a HISTORY of past instances that you can build off on and that is one of the most powerful things you can bring to a relationship. Integrity. He does what he says he’s going to do – 99.9% of the time!

“I remember making a long list of what I wanted in someone—and I lost the list, but I found the guy,” – Sigourney Weaver (In the article “A Force of Nature,”  Parade Magazine, 11/29/2009)

Write the name of this picture down Gentlemen, because every woman you date will likely know it - "Le Baiser de L'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950" by Robert Doisneau

Life is action. Too many of us strive to wait until conditions are absolutely perfect before making a move. Whether it’s in regards to relationships and being extremely selective with who we date to making a choice that requires us to take a chance for once in our life. We are expected to make mistakes along the way while we figure out who we are and what to do with ourselves.  The key is that we cannot be afraid to make a move in the first place. Go Forward. Get Moving. Take a Chance. The plane is going to take off whether you are at the airport or not.

Nature has a funny way of showing us the path we need to follow. Often, when we are NOT looking for something, that very thing will fall into our lap. We don’t even realize that the answer is right there in front of us.  The second we stop wondering if we are there yet – we’ve arrived. Are you looking for millions of dollars to appear tomorrow on your doorstep? Here is one dollar to start you off, lets see what you can do with it. Make it a million. That’s nature.

I’m not a huge believer in soul mates. I believe that if you find someone that makes you happy, you should give it a chance and see where it goes. Just because he or she does not meet your laundry list of requirements, does not mean that person is not right for you.

Although this may be hard to believe, anytime I meet someone to whom I am extremely attracted, I’ve taught myself to just take it slow. This is very different from failing to act or pursuing this person. It’s so easy for us to meet someone we’re attracted to and think we’re in love when we don’t know that person at all and are instead infatuated with the idea of her. I have very rarely seen someone and immediately thought – she’s the one. Only after meeting with her for weeks/months do I wake up one day and literally say to myself:

“Holy shit, I think I love this person.”

Enjoy The Moment.

However, as a young lad, I would frequently go through a period of what guys commonly refer to as “dryspells.” While women make claims this happens to them too, for men this is not a choice. During this time period, anything with a pulse is fair game.  The second any woman showed the slightest bit of interest. Love struck.
In high school, we didn’t use unmanly terms like “love”, so we replaced it with “like.” While all men are different, it has been my experience that the vast majority of guys have a hard time determining how they feel at any given moment.  Although the guy knows that he feels something, its sometimes a challenge for him to verbally communicate this to others. For example, guys receive the following advice from upper classmen like I did:

Joe Freshman: “I think I like this girl in Bio. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
John Upperclassman:”Woooahhhh…Slow down buddy. Here’s what you do. A good way of telling if you really like someone is to jerk off. If you are still thinking about the same person after your done…son, well you may be in love.”

– What?? –

Luckily, I’ve learned through experience and over time, that there are better indicators of love than the advice John Upperclassman had bestowed on me. Too often people look at love as a final destination, when they really should see it as a life long journey.

Ladies and Gents, don’t hold out waiting for some mythical person that may never arrive. Go out, live each day and be open to new experiences.  Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing so when you DO find that person that makes you happy. Enjoy it.  Live each day like it will be your last, and never take each other for granted.

Dr. Egon Spengler: There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, “bad”?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That’s bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.” – Ghostbusters, 1984

If there is one thing we can learn from history, its that men will fight over just about anything – especially women.   It’s not hard to understand why this happens.

Fighting over something small starts early...

In fact, I’d place a significant wager, that at any given bar across America, an argument (or fight depending on the neighborhood you’re in) is about to start because one guy talked to the wrong girl at the wrong time.

All could have been “avoided” if these men agreed to the simple principle of “Never Crossing the Streams.”

What do I mean by “Crossing the Streams”, you ask?

I’ll tell you.

You find yourself at a club, bar, house party, and you are having a good time relaxing with your friends. There are women around BUT nothing jumps out at you.

Then she walks in – 5’9 slender, athletic, confi-de Le Blanc (Pronounced: “Con-fay-day-le blahnk“), hips swinging like a pendulum. Immediately, all your buddies stand at attention, puff out their chest, and the conversation goes quiet. No communication is needed because you ALL turn to look at each other and think the same thing. Now to the women reading this, I’m going to tell you a little secret. Contrary to popular belief, the first thought that goes through a guy’s head when he is standing with his buddies and sees an extremely attractive woman, is not the following:

“What an amazingly beautiful woman whose mere presence has just lightened my life and made it that much better. How can I marry this woman who stands before me and cherish her for eternity?”

Instead, its more along the lines of the following:

“I’d f**k her.” and looks to his friends as they all nod their heads in tacit simultaneous agreement.

I’m sure this is an evolutionary thing passed down from our cave man ancestors but our basic impulses are pretty simple.  Tarzan want Jane.  Real Basic. Real Primal.

You want the women fighting over YOU...Not the other way around.

Tarzan, however, didn’t have a ton of competition.  We do. Now here is where its inevitable that you do what 95% of guys do NOT do in this situation –  someone needs to call it. If these are your boys or even a group of strangers you just met, you don’t want to let them get between you and your buddies.    When you don’t tell your boys to stand down, you run into problems down the road when you find out that all three of you friend requested her on Facebook and each of you is asking her out independently.  This is “Crossing the Streams” and you’ll blow yourselves out.  From her perspective, she can’t date ALL of you at once.  She could do that of course but then you would think less of her. Your boys can be your greatest wingmen as they should always be, but they can also be your greatest cockblock.  Like calling SHOTGUN in a car, dibs, or even fives, someone has to call it – whose going to approach her, talk to her and with any luck – seduce her.  If your buddy goes for it, crashes and burns, then its fair game. He gave it his best.

This is where you all will have to man up and likely enter a “Gentlemen’s Agreement.” Winston Churchill states that you should never give up except in the case of honor and integrity. This is one of those times. Its inevitable that while she may be the hottest thing in the room at the moment, there will be someone else at the next party you go to AND you will be first in line.  If one of your friends is really gunning for her, then be the bigger man and let him have it.  Becoming Unbreakable means letting that which does not matter slide. Be his wingman by telling her how awesome your buddy is and  wish them the best of luck!

There are plenty of fish in the sea, don’t steal from your friends boat!

One of the primary beliefs behind The Unbreakable Man Laws is that while we are social creatures conditioned by our environment, we are fundamentally the result of generations of biological evolution.

Be sure to check out Vanessa's Latest Book "Bonobo Handshake"

Our social ideas may change from decade to decade (i.e. who has the right to vote, civil rights, etc.), yet our basic human nature remains the same.  We are exactly what Pete Waters described in his fantastic essay, simply Cro-Magnons with iPods.

It was this belief system  that led me to the idea of asking WHERE we get some of our most basic habits – why do we hug, kiss, fight and so on. Are these learned or are they passed down through our genetics? Who teaches a dog to urinate on fire hydrants or cats to claw at the end of the sofa? I finally asked myself, where do handshakes come from! Is this the result of Western European influence or is this written in our DNA? Do animals such as chimpanzee’s handshake?

A late night google search led me to the research of a rather interesting woman by the name of Vanessa Woods. Vanessa had been on a journey through the depths of Africa studying a type of primate known as the Bonobo. While having the same number of DNA in common with humans as the chimpanzee at 98.7%, the Bonobo Society exhibits a few unique differences to say the least. They practiced what Vanessa termed the Bonobo Handshake. I could go on further about what the Bonobo Handshake consist of, but seeing the handshake in action is a much better introduction than one I could ever give. Click below!

Needless to say I was hooked! But it wasn’t the Bonobo Handshake alone that drew my interest. It was the fact that the bonobos lived in an entirely peaceful society dominated by females!

Clearly we had something to learn from this species and Vanessa felt the same way. Be sure to check out her fascinating first hand account in her latest book, “Bonobo Handshake“, available at Amazon.com, her YouTube Channel, and for additional information on her research check out her blog located at http://www.bonobohandshake.com!

Without further ado, I present to you Vanessa Woods!

Ethan Bishop: What made the Bonobo’s so interesting to you?

Vanessa Woods: Bonobos are so closely related to us (98.7% of our DNA) that from a distance they look like ancient, hairy ancestors. But unlike humans, there is no war. Females are not beaten. Infants are not killed. All this is because of one simple reason – females stick together.
Ethan Bishop: How do the females maintain dominance? Are the females physically stronger than the males?

Vanessa Woods: Once I saw Tatango, an unusually aggressive bonobo male, run up to Mimi, the alpha female, and backhand her across the face. He hit her so hard he almost gave her whiplash. Within seconds, five females in the group ran to Mimi’s rescue. They chased Tatango around the night building until he fled into the forest. When he continued his aggressive outbursts, those five females beat him so badly, they nearly ripped off his testicles. After that, Tatango never caused another problem.

One male is stronger than any one female. But no male is stronger than many females.

Ethan Bishop: Does monogamy exist in the Bonobo society? How do you think this effects the female/male relationship?

Vanessa Woods: There is no monogamy with bonobos! I think it makes them get along quite well.

Vanessa Woods with Bonobos of the Congo...

Ethan Bishop: What do you feel that humans can learn from the Bonobo? Do the Bonobo’s truly exhibit an egalitarian society?

Vanessa Woods: Bonobos are famous for their sexual exploits. Sex is used to regulate tension in the group and the females form close friendships through g-g rubbing, which is when they rub their clitorises together. Some say they orgasm.

I’m not suggesting for a minute we do the same. It isn’t important how bonobos maintain peace in the group. The important factor is that they have peace.
Ethan Bishop: While the Bonobo live in a female dominated and peaceful society while the Chimpanzee lives in a male dominated society complete with war, sexual coercion and infanticide, How do you think the bonobo could have evolved so differently than the chimpanzee?

Vanessa Woods: The natural environment of chimps is kind of like an Easter egg hunt. Anyone who has been to one that doesn’t quite have enough eggs can attest to how quickly sweet-natured children become savage beasts. Like Easter eggs, chimpanzee food is limited and spread over a large area. Females have to forage alone, so they never form strong friendships, and males quickly realize that whoever controls the food holds the power.So now we come to bonobos. If chimpanzees live in an Easter egg patch, then bonobos live in a chocolate factory. Relative to chimpanzees, bonobo food is plentiful. And unlike chimpanzees, bonobos do not have to share their food with gorillas, who only live north of the Congo River while bonobos live to the south. Because there is so much to go around, bonobo females don’t have to compete for the sake of their children. That means females can become friends and stand up to the males who try to threaten them.

Ethan Bishop: Since the Bonobo is an endangered species with only an estimated 10,000-40,000 in existence,  What can we do to save the Bonobo?

Vanessa Woods: Firstly just talk about them. Only 25% of people even know that bonobos are a great ape. Then give to an organization like Friends of Bonobos (www.friendsofbonobos.org) that is doing so much to help bonobos in the wild.