Posts Tagged ‘flirtexting’

Guest Authors: Valentine’s Day Special from Flirtexting Author’s Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz.

February 14, 2010 Leave a comment

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The previous blog interviews featuring Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, the girls who wrote Flirtexting, have consistently been amongst the most popular post on the blog! For Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a great idea to bring them back for a Special Unbreakable Guest Post! They asked all of their hot girlfriends to tell them what they love about Flirtexting, and here’s what they said…

(Be sure to enter the Flirtexting Valentine’s Day Special on their blog to win a Free Autographed Copy of Flirtexting! Follow the girls on Twitter (@Flirtexting),and check out the Facebook Fan Site, Flirtexting.Debra and Olivia will be speaking on MTV tonight @9pm EST on the Dangers of Sexting!)


Be sure to check out their book, Flirtexting!

“I love it when a guy texts me a funny quote from a movie we watched together the night before.” – Vanessa

“I love a simple goodmorning text just to let me know you’re thinking about me. “Goodmorning sleepyhead” is all it takes to keep me smiling throughout the day.” – Jessica

“I love when a guy brings back a joke or debate from a date a day or two later. For instance: Say we had a playful debate on what constitutes a fast food restaurant. The next day he sends me a text that says:”FYI: ‘insert definition of fast food’ – Websters doesn’t lie, sounds like you owe me lunch!” – Natalie, 25

“I love when a guy makes a definitive plan to get together – posed in a charming way, ie: “You and me, Raoul’s 9:30 tonight.  Say yes?”- Chloe, 24

“My favorite texts are the ones I get from a boy I just parted ways with that say something complimentary to let me know I’m still on their mind: “Did I mention how sexy you looked today?  Good to see you pretty girl”- Janet, 19

“I love it when a guy texts me out of the blue, just to tell me he is thinking of me or he went somewhere and something he saw or heard, etc., reminded him of me.  Or that he’s missing my smile.  Cheesy yes…but makes me feel good.” –Stefani, 33

“I like it when a boy makes fun of me via text – but is genuinely kidding. ” –Candice, 27

“Things I love is texting a witty joke right after my date drops me off or leaves my casa…it lets me know he had an amazing time and is still thinking of me.” –Rene, 26

“I LOVE when boys text you a compliment….like…”You looked so pretty last night…” or “I had so much fun with you yesterday”….it lets you know that they are sitting at their desks at work….DREAMING of you!” – Courtney, 26

“I love receiving texts hinting to inside moments shared together; it makes me feel special.” – Nisha, 24

The Flirtexter Olivia: An Exclusive Interview with Author, Olivia B.

December 19, 2009 2 comments

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When the Art of Text post went up a few months ago, I hadn’t realized that there was a deeper, underlying issue that was bubbling up beneath the surface. While texting is certainly “newer” technology, it was really the result of over a decades worth of communication that was slowly moving towards a new direction.  What may surprise many is that it was the corporate world in the 90s that brought computers into our homes. While kids had Nintendo and Sega, purchasing a $2,000 plus computer was a luxury that only the adults could afford. Read more…

Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101

October 28, 2009 9 comments

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A few weeks ago, I posted the popular “Art of Text, Part I”.  To this day, it remains the single most popular post on the blog.  In it, I cited the recently released book Flirtexting by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. These girls have been taking the world by storm with their new book and appeared on the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago (You can watch the full interview on their site Through word of mouth and a bit of six degrees of separation, the blog came to their attention. After many weeks of courtship, love letters and flower sending, I was finally able to track down Debra and she agreed to an interview.Debra is a force to be reckoned with, forming her own personal shopping company, Fern Estelle, that has dressed some of the hottest

Debra Goldstein

Ms. Debra Goldstein

A-list Celebs in Hollywood,  it’s clear that she has some serious game. After speaking with these two girls and reading their book, it dawned on me that they are really teaching “Text-Defense for Women.” Guys are going to use whatever tools at their disposal to get the girl. The text is simply the latest and greatest in our arsenal. What Debra and Olivia have done is give a framework for how women should respond to a clueless guy who has forgotten that the cell phone can STILL place calls.  Texting is not a replacement for phone calling… It is another way of getting to know someone and feeling them out in a way that is very low-pressure and is exactly where most guys want to start off…So unless you are still using a typewriter to schedule your dates, I suggest you read up!

Without further ado…

Ethan: You meet a hot guy at a bar on Saturday…You give him your contact information and you totally dig him. How do you feel when a guy Facebook Friends you the next day verses texting or calling? For instance, when I asked other woman about a guy who phonecalls the next day…they ALL described this guy as overly eager and this usually translated into loser and they became not-interested.  Texting is my personal method of choice, but it seems that texting and Facebook friend request are now the next step in the “courtship” process in the information age.  How do you feel about this?


Deb and Liv

Debra: We all know that when we meet someone we like, the first thing we do is google them or ask them to be our friend on Facebook. It’s a mixture of curiosity and taking precaution that makes us want a little bit more info before putting ourselves out there. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Because lets face it, if a new guy Facebook’s me and I see in his photos that he always wears V-Neck t-shirts, gels his hair, and lists Brokeback Mountain as his favorite movie, I know in advance that this relationship is not going to work. Yes, judging a book by its cover is wrong, but we all do it. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the Facebook sea.

Ethan: What do you think of guys who ASK you out on dates through text? Some women don’t mind while others that I’ve asked call this LAME. I, personally, reserve flirting for text messaging and CALL to plan dates…

Debra: In the world of dating I have found that finding a person who you have a special connection with comes far and few between. In a way, I am glad for this because it makes finding that person and those relationships that much more special. You know it when you see it. So when I give a guy my number and he chooses to “text me out” instead of asking me out over a telephone call, what that does is shows me where he stands and where he sees this relationship going…which is, not very far. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that this guy doesn’t see as much potential in having a serious relationship with me as a guy who decides to call me to ask me out. Knowing that is key! NOW with younger couples (i.e.: only dated after text) a guy who truly likes a girl might just text her first because he grew up in the age of Flirtexting and its all he knows. Be aware of this if you are under 21.

Ethan: From your past experiences, what has been the BEST text you’ve received and why? Describe the components of the BPT (Best Possible Text) that a guy should follow to get you out on a date with him after only meeting him once? Dos and Dont’s…

Debra: Guys need to be aware that their initial Flirtext to a girl is so important that we call it their “second first impression.” Where as before we judge guys by their “package”, today we judge guys by their “flirtexts”. Therefore their initial initial flirtext needs to be well thought out and perfect. The components in a perfect initial flirtext are as follows:


Deb and TUI

1. Never ask a girl out in your initial flirtext. You need to feel out if she actually likes you or if she just gave you her number so that you would leave her alone.

2. Bring up something that happened when you met or poke fun of something the two of you talked about. This will A) Trigger her memory as to who you are and B) Show her that you are thoughtful, clever, and a good listener.

3. Say something funny. Every girl lists “funny” as one of the top three qualities she looks for in a man. Make her laugh and you are on the right path to that first date.

For further information, be sure to follow Flirtexting on Twitter (  and be sure to check out their website (

Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of The Textual Revolution

October 6, 2009 1 comment

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(Editorial Note: Be sure to read the first post in this series, The Art of Text, Part I )

Love it or Hate it, the TEXT is here to stay. The textual revolution marks the rise of the TEXT message as an integral step in the courtship process… The revolution is happening NOW. Many women continue to refuse to accept the text message as a part of dating.  These women think that by not responding to text messages and only accepting phone calls they are screening out men who only want one thing. Yes, there are definitely men out there who are not interested in anything serious,  however, this can not be determined through a text OR a phone call.

Nothing is hotter than receiving a text message from someone you like while you are doing something else...The only reason she should be  calling you is to say "I'm Pregnant".

Nothing is hotter than receiving a text message from someone you

In fact, it’s even more surprising to hear from women that the guy who called the next day after they met him, they are NOT interested in because he seems TOO interested… By not accepting text as a way of communicating, women are limiting great guys who might simply lead busy lives.  Many of these guys are not opposed to calling on the phone; they are opposed to wasting their time.  I view the ability to text as an early screening method. Regardless of where the relationship progresses, a woman who I can easily respond to through text message IS a woman I would be interested in dating seriously. Simple as that.   For those of us with full-time professional jobs,  graduate school and a host of other activities and responsibilities,  a lengthy daily phone call with someone who “just might” be interested is simply too time consuming. Because of my schedule, any woman who only responds to phone calls is simply too high maintenance. To a man, a woman is an investment. Why should he invest in a company that might not be there tomorrow? And for that matter, would anyone tell him the company no longer existed?

To this, I say, do not start off calling the person of interest right from the start. If things work out, sure, you may end up having longer phone conversations, otherwise, I limit it to text and face-to-face time.  Many married couples in the work place are now relying on text to stay in touch with each other as opposed to locking themselves in the office and talking with their spouses throughout the workday.

Those of you that plan on maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex in the 21st century need to simply get used to the fact that TEXT is here to stay… At the time of the posting of this article a little less than a year ago(11/2008) , over 75 Billion Text Messages were being sent EACH MONTH and this number is rising. (See: )

We think its safe to assume that 65 billion of these messages were sexually related in nature…

Moving on…

When you meet someone new,  use text to flirt, and a CALL to schedule dates.  A few short flirty texts back and forth with her, followed by a “I will call you later” (and don’t be too specific on time, you have things to do like your life) will do wonders for landing a future date.  A woman who demands that you call her constantly at the start of the courtship process is simply too much trouble for the busy schedule you are hopefully maintaining.

Upon interviewing a few gentlemen for this post, there was a mixture of responses for HOW they keep in touch with women after meeting them initially. All of them included some variation of texting; however, whether to CALL first or to TEXT first seems like an personal choice. Some preferred to call the woman for a short conversation first and then text her afterwards. It’s been his experience that women tend to respond by texting anyways after they’ve gone out a few times. Other men simply texted first and later called to schedule a date to make plans.

From a woman’s perspective, she has given her number out to guys before who have never contacted her.  She won’t know who it is when you text or call…So instead of a specific line, construct a text message that contains the following in some form or fashion:

  • Your name.
  • Something unique about the conversation/interaction that she had with YOU…

With this in mind, there seem to be a few universal rules to texting that most people agree on:

  1. Match her text. 1:1. If she sends a text, send a single text to respond…AT MOST send two texts; however anything more than that can be judged as needy and for a complete stranger that has no history with her, possibly too much.
  2. Notice her Response Time and Match it. Typically, the faster she gets back to you, the higher her interest level.  Some women like to challenge guys that they really like by PURPOSELY making him wait for a response. This is all FINE and dandy, but gentlemen, don’t hold your breath waiting for a response that may never happen. If she doesn’t get back to you within a 24 hour period to any message, place her on the “flake” list. I’ve noticed that there seems to be a strong correlation between those who are flakes and those who take longer than a few hours to respond.
  3. Keep text light, fun, flirty, and save the serious conversations for in person after the two of you have gone out more than a few times…

    What do you think Marsha? Maybe I should have texted him back...

    What do you think Marsha? Maybe I should have texted him back...

Sites DEVOTED to the text are popping up as we speak. Arguably the most popular is Text From Last Night.  Updated on a daily, if not hourly basis,  sites like these can be inspirational for developing a unique and clever text tailored to the girl you are pursuing.  As a general rule, stay away from crude messages at the beginning and even if you are going out with the person. Text, as well as all electronic communication,  are KNOWN for being misinterpreted. Save the crudeness for in person when you can read her reaction and her body signals. Plus, she will appreciate that you are in striking distance if it’s really raunchy…


Nick Bradshaw sent me the following TEXT vs CALLING opener he uses in social situations. I liked it so much that I thought I’d include it in this post.  This specific example is one he uses when out, however, whether or not its to meet a new group of women or amongst your friends, it’s a great conversational topic…

You: “Hey can you ladies give me your opinion? (rhetorical) Me and my buddy have been over here in a heated debate, and we really need a woman’s perspective.”

Girl(s): “Yeah sure.” (Already annoyed that you’re bothering her(them))

You: We’re trying to figure out what the best way to contact a woman after you meet her. Let’s just say hypothetically that we (pointing to one of the girls’ meet and we’re both attracted to one another. We exchange information, phone number, FB, whatever… Is it better to call? Or is it better to text? Ya see I’m a (here’s where you pick one of the options) “text” guy and my buddy is a “call” guy.” What do you ladies prefer?”

(Nick Bradshaw Editorial Note: This is where ALL women are receptive to this. They have all been in this situation and they will feel as though it is their womanly duty to school a male on how to properly interact with a woman)

Girl: “Oh you definitely want to [call/text] first. That’s what shows initiative but it’s not creepy.”

(Nick Bradshaw Commentary: The thing that’s so beautiful about this is that it’s non-threatening, but you’ve actually already opened up a way to get the girl(s) phone number. You can run it out as long as you want. Basically going over why you think it’s better to call or text. It’s even more fun if there are 2 girls and one girl prefers to be called and the other prefers to be texted. It pits them against one another and allows (if you’re running it with 2 guys) to split them up and start individual conversations.)


Until next time, keep sending in your comments or if you’d like to be interviewed for the Art of Text, Part III, shoot me a message at This is Ethan Bishop, over and out.

AND the grownups...Don't think sexting is limited to those in college...Sexting is practiced by adults well into their 40s...AND the grownups, doctors, and lawyers…need we say more?

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