Archive for December 6, 2010

Man Law #81 – If You Allow Her To Waste Your Time, Don’t Be Surprised If She Takes You For Granted!

December 6, 2010 5 comments

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If there is one theme of UML that I hope has been drilled into every man’s head who is reading this blog, it is this – respect your time and previous commitments. For those of you who have been here since the beginning, that idea started right here in Man Law #7.

For the women reading this in disgusted “shock,” be aware that Man Law #81 is applicable to both men and women. However, since this is a blog from a man’s perspective, you will have to deal with the man’s perspective. There are plenty of women’s magazines that will send your gender into estrogenic bliss, but on this blog, we are going to have man talk on man time from a man’s point of view and you are going to like it!

"Gentlemen, Don't fool yourselves into thinking that she doesn't know how her inattention comes across... Many women are painfully conscious of this...And some use it to test your boundaries!"

Now, it has been over a year since Man Law #7 has been published and I’ll throw this out there that many guys who read this blog walk away with only that law. It sticks in your head. Is 10% too little? Well, maybe. But if your day job of 40 hours a week (if you’re lucky) is roughly 80% of your life and 10% is for yourself (which includes hobbies, going to the gym, hanging with your buddies, paying your bills, education and pleasure), how much time should be for someone else? Is it so hard to understand why relationships are an investment and so many people lose themselves in one?

How do you know if someone is wasting your time? I can only speak for myself and my experience.  If I notice that she is taking an extraordinary long time to get back to me, consistently, then I will usually say that she is wasting my time. The key word here is consistently. This can occur with gchat, text, bbm , e-mail or even phone calls.   The best example of this is when I am chatting with someone online and all of a sudden – there is no response to a question that is pretty straight forward. For instance, we are on gchat or text and the following occurs:

Guy <insert any question here, this is just an example>: “Blue is a pretty interesting color. How did you choose that color to dye your hair?”

15 minutes pass…

25 minutes pass…

45 minutes pass…

75 minutes pass…

Girl: “Soooorrrryyyyyyyy…..Had to watch American Idol. I ❤ that show. ”

Girl: “Whoops, what was the question again? I closed that window. I am so braindead after work! ”

Guy thinks: “That’s understandable…

Specifically, if I get the impression that she is consciously taking her time to NOT respond, then I take that into account and say – “Ok. Done. Next.” and just like that – POOF – I’m gone.

Usually if the above sort of situation happens once or twice, I am OK with it.  People have their lives before they met me and I respect that. No one is stating that she has to “Stop, Drop and Respond,” anytime a text from me rolls her way, however, some people and particularly in this entire relationship building phase, don’t take into account that a simple, “Hey, my favorite show is coming on in a second, talk to you in an hour when I can think straight? ” tells me that she is consciousness and respects my time. She is communicating that “I can’t give you my full attention at the moment but I will be right back when I can!”

And I am and will always be 100% respectful of that.

This does not mean I will ignore her initiated conversations or treat her any different in a conversation. It simply means that this seems like a bad time for both of us to engage and perhaps we have too many other distractions in our lives to focus on any one person. Hey, it happens to us all and I’ve certainly been guilty of this in the past. But if you find that you are fighting a losing battle between her, and her TV, chances are you should box this interaction as having any sort of future relationship potential. Unless you plan on dating  her TV too…

My attitude towards this didn’t develop because I am lounging in the C-Suite of a Fortune 500 company but for the people who know me, and I mean, really know me – I make a conscious effort to respond to their messages, e-mails (Editorial Note: Go ahead, try it: ) and  phone calls, etc. They are important to me. In fact, for most people, if I don’t get back to you within a day or two, something is wrong.

So to summarize this up, the people who see me at my absolute best are the ones who I get the genuine impression are timely and responsive – whether we are still getting to know each other or have been friends for a dozen years. I don’t have time to play games. I am here, making deals and right around the clock. So if I see someone who seems too caught up in a social scene or preoccupied by everything else going on around her,  that is absolutely fan-spanking-tastic. Have a nice life lady, I won’t be in it…

Your Comments Welcome.

(Editorial Note: The title of this Man Law originated from a quoted tweet by @FredCuellar. As with all great quotes, I wrote it down immediately after seeing it “If I Allow You To Waste My Time, Then I Shouldn’t Be Surprised If You Take Me For Granted!” – Fred Cuellar) If you are on twitter,  take two seconds and  follow him.)

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