Man Law #81 – If You Allow Her To Waste Your Time, Don’t Be Surprised If She Takes You For Granted!
If there is one theme of UML that I hope has been drilled into every man’s head who is reading this blog, it is this – respect your time and previous commitments. For those of you who have been here since the beginning, that idea started right here in Man Law #7.
For the women reading this in disgusted “shock,” be aware that Man Law #81 is applicable to both men and women. However, since this is a blog from a man’s perspective, you will have to deal with the man’s perspective. There are plenty of women’s magazines that will send your gender into estrogenic bliss, but on this blog, we are going to have man talk on man time from a man’s point of view and you are going to like it!
"Gentlemen, Don't fool yourselves into thinking that she doesn't know how her inattention comes across... Many women are painfully conscious of this...And some use it to test your boundaries!"
Now, it has been over a year since Man Law #7 has been published and I’ll throw this out there that many guys who read this blog walk away with only that law. It sticks in your head. Is 10% too little? Well, maybe. But if your day job of 40 hours a week (if you’re lucky) is roughly 80% of your life and 10% is for yourself (which includes hobbies, going to the gym, hanging with your buddies, paying your bills, education and pleasure), how much time should be for someone else? Is it so hard to understand why relationships are an investment and so many people lose themselves in one?
How do you know if someone is wasting your time? I can only speak for myself and my experience. If I notice that she is taking an extraordinary long time to get back to me, consistently, then I will usually say that she is wasting my time. The key word here is consistently. This can occur with gchat, text, bbm , e-mail or even phone calls. The best example of this is when I am chatting with someone online and all of a sudden – there is no response to a question that is pretty straight forward. For instance, we are on gchat or text and the following occurs:
Guy <insert any question here, this is just an example>: “Blue is a pretty interesting color. How did you choose that color to dye your hair?”
15 minutes pass…
25 minutes pass…
45 minutes pass…
75 minutes pass…
Girl: “Soooorrrryyyyyyyy…..Had to watch American Idol. I ❤ that show. ”
Girl: “Whoops, what was the question again? I closed that window. I am so braindead after work! ”
Guy thinks: “That’s understandable…”
Specifically, if I get the impression that she is consciously taking her time to NOT respond, then I take that into account and say – “Ok. Done. Next.” and just like that – POOF – I’m gone.
Usually if the above sort of situation happens once or twice, I am OK with it. People have their lives before they met me and I respect that. No one is stating that she has to “Stop, Drop and Respond,” anytime a text from me rolls her way, however, some people and particularly in this entire relationship building phase, don’t take into account that a simple, “Hey, my favorite show is coming on in a second, talk to you in an hour when I can think straight? ” tells me that she is consciousness and respects my time. She is communicating that “I can’t give you my full attention at the moment but I will be right back when I can!”
And I am and will always be 100% respectful of that.
This does not mean I will ignore her initiated conversations or treat her any different in a conversation. It simply means that this seems like a bad time for both of us to engage and perhaps we have too many other distractions in our lives to focus on any one person. Hey, it happens to us all and I’ve certainly been guilty of this in the past. But if you find that you are fighting a losing battle between her, and her TV, chances are you should box this interaction as having any sort of future relationship potential. Unless you plan on dating her TV too…
My attitude towards this didn’t develop because I am lounging in the C-Suite of a Fortune 500 company but for the people who know me, and I mean, really know me – I make a conscious effort to respond to their messages, e-mails (Editorial Note: Go ahead, try it: ethanbishop@unbreakablemanlaws.com ) and phone calls, etc. They are important to me. In fact, for most people, if I don’t get back to you within a day or two, something is wrong.
So to summarize this up, the people who see me at my absolute best are the ones who I get the genuine impression are timely and responsive – whether we are still getting to know each other or have been friends for a dozen years. I don’t have time to play games. I am here, making deals and right around the clock. So if I see someone who seems too caught up in a social scene or preoccupied by everything else going on around her, that is absolutely fan-spanking-tastic. Have a nice life lady, I won’t be in it…
Your Comments Welcome.
(Editorial Note: The title of this Man Law originated from a quoted tweet by @FredCuellar. As with all great quotes, I wrote it down immediately after seeing it “If I Allow You To Waste My Time, Then I Shouldn’t Be Surprised If You Take Me For Granted!” – Fred Cuellar) If you are on twitter, take two seconds and follow him.)
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Bishop: first off, let me say that I need to be in touch with you more… :/…Haha.
…. However, I absolutely agree with this. Honestly (with my womanly thinking cap on), if I haven’t responded in a timely manner to a guy whom is trying to date me, then I’m just not interested. It’s not even about playing games. On the other hand, some women & men (as, perhaps, ones you are referring to above) tend to write “sympathy” texts.. They’re usually late, leave questions unanswered like you’ve mentioned, yet spark just a small flame of hope. They try to let you down slowly, because they have assumed this is the easiest way out. It’s bitter and juvenile. I find this selfish of either sex to embark on this horrid and slow decline. It’s annoying to both parties.
Give them a three strike chance and let them disappear. Good riddance!
Perhaps, I am somewhat old school with respect to this aspect of life. When I’m out with someone whether its a girl or guy, I make an effort to turn off my phone or at the very least not respond to messages. I’m there to pay attention to them.
When it comes to chatting online, this is a different animal altogether. I may be at work and have a boss walk in or have to run into another office/meeting at the drop of a hat, etc. That is understandable and I will typically give people the benefit of the doubt. We all have to make a living and have responsibilities.
Oh, and you are exempt from this Man Law, V. This is a blanket statement although if you want to know WHO this one was written about, I certainly have a few names in mind! Inquire within! 🙂
This exact situation happened to me about a year ago – went out on a few dates – she consistently didn’t respond to fairly straightforward texts (usually the next day or two days later). I figured she wasn’t interested and stopped contacting her altogether and moved on…
later, through a mutual friend, i hear stories about how much of an asshole i am for “disappearing.” that was confusing enough, but then I ran into her at a bar, where she completely ignored me. frankly, i didn’t expect much, but I am curious why I’m the asshole in this situation?
In the matter of this subject, I very recently had a situation akin to “D” with a girl. I met a girl a few months ago, exchanged a few texts which I usually initiated and then due to my school schedule had less free time. Then at an event for a friend’s work, the friend re-introduced us. I spotted her earlier in the night and thought she looked familiar and she actually stated the fact that we had met previously and then she just sort of walked away. A bit awkward and hilarious all at the same time. But I totally agree that if a guy or girl isn’t interested in the other person, then they should just be open and honest about it. Also, I personally put little faith in anything until interactions become more steady or she initiates texts, emails or fone calls. Especially in my career field, my time often isn’t my own. Thus, I don’t have a lot of time to “waste” chasing after a woman. I’m not saying that I’m against the courtship and “romancing of the stone” etc. But there is a fine line in being lead along and searching for a potential partner.
The time frame isn’t the clincher here (though it definitely can be in other situations). It’s her response. One…she didn’t answer the question and responded with some inane (and I’d like it noted incredibly boring) chatter. But the truth is with the response offered (and I’m aware it’s made up) the chick would have to be either an idiot…or not interested. Either way…a no go. However, if this scenario was different and she took like 8 hours to respond…but her response was something like…I went with blue because my friend bought us both makeovers at blah blah blah place and they did some sort of color wheel thing…blah blah blah…and something about blue looking good with my skin tone blah blah blah [the blahs are mine…because I’m lazy but the point is she makes an effort to both carry on a conversation, answers your question and seems interested]. In conclusion…don’t text retarded chicks (more than once). Don’t text chicks who aren’t interested (more than once).