Home > Man Law > We Keep Getting Older, They Stay The Same Age: An Exclusive Interview with Cougar Expert, Lucia!

We Keep Getting Older, They Stay The Same Age: An Exclusive Interview with Cougar Expert, Lucia!

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Meet Lucia, Relationship/Dating Expert

With Courtney Cox making headlines in the newspapers with her recent break up with David Arquette in which she is 7 years his senior, the timing could not be better for an interview focusing on older women dating younger men.

Enter the Cougar!

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been attracted to older women. Most guys can remember watching movies with cheerleaders while they were still in middle school.  Most of us thought that as soon as we entered High School,  all of these girls would look like they stepped off the set of 90210. While reality hit some of us harder than others, we quickly realized that most of these same girls were looking at other senior guys.  Unbeknown at the time, a few of these girls were looking right back at us!

Some naysayers think it’s weird! Some ask “why” an older woman would want or even date a younger man!

I think its “evolution.

Consider that more women in the United States have their own finances and resources and have less of a need for an older, established man to provide this for them as they did pre-Feminist movement.  The question turns from why to why NOT have a young buck “energizer bunny” eager to please?

Since the UML blog has been in existence, I have received a multitude of request from friends and members of the UML Facebook Fan Page to talk about HOW to pick up (for lack of a better term) older women. Where to find them, if they don’t find you, of course, and what to expect.

So when the opportunity arose to interview Cougar Expert, Lucia, I knew that I could not pass it up. Finally, an avenue besides “Cougar Town,” was available to give these young and restless some information regarding this relatively new phenomenon.

Before we jump into the interview, Lucia is a professional dating/relationship expert who founded The Art of Love .  She has been seen on Dr. Phil, Tyra Banks, E! Entertainment, That Morning Show, and over 100 hundred national and internationally syndicated TV and radio shows.  In addition to recently launching a Web TV Show, be sure to check her live discussions on her Facebook Fan Page , her YouTube channel, and follow her on Twitter @cougarexpert.

Without further adieu:

Ethan: You recently released a new e-book called Lucia’s Lessons of Love. Would you be able to tell us a bit about it? Does it focus on women who date younger men or dating in general?

Lucia: “Lucia’s Lessons of Love:  An Expert Answers the Most Asked Dating and Relationship Questions” is a “love manual”.   I bottom line each answer in a fun, easy-to-read “Q & A” format. It answers questions everyone has asked themselves at one time or another about dating in general, such as:  Why is it that whenever I like someone they don’t like me, and the ones I don’t like are crazy about me? or What does, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” mean?

Lucia on the Dr. Phil show!

Ethan: Where did the term cougar come from in the first place? Is it a fad or is “cougarism” here to stay?

Lucia: The term cougar is thought to have originated in the late 80’s in the dressing room of the Vancouver Canucks dressing room by a player named Taylor Hall. He began to call the older, single women who came to their games “Cougars”.  The term eventually got picked up by a small movie producer and used in a film, which seemed to help spread its usage.

Although many people think/wish this was a fad, I can unequivocally tell you Cougars and Cubs are out of the Cougar closet and they are not going back!
Ethan:  Why was the term cougar adopted so quickly by older women as a sense of pride?

Lucia: I don’t know that it was.  Many women still have a problem with it because they are focusing on the predatory aspect of the animal.  The rest of us see it as a fun, playful term.  I tell women to look at the positive aspects of a cougar:  sleek, strong, sex, confident and in control.  When you look at it from that point of view, being a Cougar is actually something to be proud of!
Ethan:  Is being a Cougar an age range or is it an age difference? I know women that just turn 30 and think they are cougars where I tend to reserve 40+ as being the minimum age requirement for holding this honor.

Lucia: You’re right, it is a badge of honor and it’s reserved for attractive, in shape, classy, healthy women 40+ who have earned their “stripes”.  There also needs to be a minimum of a 10 year age difference between her and the “Cub”.

Ethan: What’s the difference between a MILF and a Cougar?

Lucia: Before the term “Cougar” became popular, attractive, sexy older women were called MILFs (and before that they were called Mrs. Robinson).  They were generally mothers of any age that younger guys wanted to have sex with, but the feeling was not necessarily mutual.  Cougars are also attractive, sexy older women (who may or may not be mothers) however, they are interested in having sex/dating younger guys.

Ethan:  Do Cougars date younger men because they serve better as “boy toys” than their male contemporaries?

Lucia: That’s certainly part of it, since it’s difficult to think of a 40+ male as a boy!  However, the main reason Cougars are interested in younger men is because they have less baggage.  They are generally fun and easy going and don’t have ex-wives they are paying alimony to or children they see every other weekend.  They are also hot, in great shape and have stamina!





Ethan:   What do younger men have to learn from Cougars and dating older women?

Lucia: Besides everything?  LOL  They will learn how to be men and gentlemen.  They will learn what a lady expects from a man.  They will learn manners and class.  Of course, they will also learn to up their game in the bedroom.  Once they’ve been with someone who is uninhibited and “skilful” it will be more difficult to date someone younger.
Ethan: From her perspective, what do cougars look for in relationships with younger men?

Lucia: If a Cougar is simply looking for a sexual relationship, then she will mainly be focused on how attracted she is to him, how good he is in bed and if he’s willing to learn more.

If a Cougar is looking for a long term relationship, she will look for someone who is mature enough to be in one.  He doesn’t have to be financially set or stable, but he does need to have a job, car and an apartment!

Ethan: For those women, who might consider themselves Cougars, are there any tips you have to help them find suitable cubs?

Lucia: Cougars can find Cubs anywhere!  I find the best places are on internet dating sites, the gym, colleges, conventions, sporting events and home depot!

  1. October 18, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Can someone explain where the term “cub” came from? I’m guessing it’s the male in the relationship. It sounds very incestuous. I’ve also heard cougars in training as Cubs. I prefer to be known as prey, catch, fresh meat, or man biscuit.

  2. DJ Long
    October 18, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Also, what about the term “panther” or “jaguar” or any other jungle cat term to define those women below the age of 40 who still are attracted to and date younger men, as in women in her mid to late thirties dating a man-boy just starting or having just graduated from college.
    And, not in every case does the cougar teach the “cub” (“prey”, “catch”, etc) how to be a gentlemen or to be explorative in the bedroom. Many of these young men already have these skills and that is what makes them such a desired commodity by these more matured ladies. For sometimes they are learning to be more open to new desires of lust and abandon.
    Great interview and good subject. which could lead to a great article or even interview on the use of dating websites and their successes, advantages, disadvantages, etc. And that’s my input.

  3. October 20, 2010 at 10:40 am

    DJ Long, the terms panther, jaguar, or puma are valid terms for cougars, but NOT to define age. I have to disagree with Lucia that a cougar has to be over 40 too. It’s true that by 40 most women will have reached the maturity level that would deem them to be cougars, but plenty of women in their 30’s going after college boys have that same mindset and shouldn’t be kept out of the mix. Also, separate names for age groups just confuses your bros when you’re recounting the night.

    The other jungle cat names are good for describing a cougar’s other attributes. For example, say you meet a older latin american lady: Jaguar.

  4. October 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm


    As I mentioned in the article, to be a Cougar is a privilege and needs to be earned, that is why the woman is over 40. Even though a woman is in her 30s and may be dating younger men, that doesn’t make her a Cougar. She is still in training, as she still doesn’t have the life experience and maturity of someone over 40. Hope this helps!

  5. LEA
    March 30, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I am in my 40s and in a relationship with a 22 year old, we’re in love and he’s the most wonderful, kind, romantic, affectionate and considerate boyfriend I’ve ever had. I regret not having dated younger sooner. My only fear is that when we first met he said he wanted children, that will never happen with me. In this regard I hold on lightly, I care about him too much to squelch his dreams. I know I will sooner than later have to let him go.

  6. TornadoCub
    March 5, 2018 at 5:53 am

    Lucia herself is very pretty.A perfect example of a beautiful,dignified mature woman.No woman should be called a cougar since it’s demeaning term.At least I feel so.If mature men can have younger women why can’t mature women have young men? We men have a nasty habit of judging women harshly.Respect and love even in a fleeting relationship are mandatory.We men are afraid of a confident woman and use derogatory words to refer to them.

  1. November 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

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