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Guest Post – Wingman VS. Wingwoman: 3 Good Reasons Why You Should Stick To The Original by Alex Scott

September 27, 2010 18 comments

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On September 20, 2010 UML featured Trinie Le Blanc on why women make the best wingmen. While Ms. Le Blanc’s argument did have certain valid points, her argument falls apart in three significant areas. Let’s take these issues one by one.

"To each his own, but for me, a wingman is the right MAN for the job..."

1)      “…when guys have deployed their wingmen to strike up a conversation with me, this effort falls flat.” – Trinie Le Blanc

First of all, this is terrible wingman technique. The wingman’s job is not to go in first… alone… unarmed; of course this poor sap was terribly unsuccessful. No, the wingman’s job is just that, to be a wing

MAN, to stay by the wing guarding against assaults from “the we-gotta-go” girl or the “she’s-just-here-to-hang-with-her-friends” girl or worst… the “I-can’t-leave-without-my-(homely)-girlfriend”  The one thing that no… well very, very, few wingwomen can do, is fall on a grenade. And when two well coordinated men go out on the town the understanding is that if the situation calls for it, either will take the grenade for the other, wingwomen almost never understand this.

2)      “Qualities of a good wingwoman:

– She’s extroverted and enjoys meeting new people

– She’s confident and doesn’t mind sharing the spotlight with other women

– She has a good sense of humor and isn’t easily put off by other people

– She understands the concept of subtlety” – Trinie Le Blanc

Who is this woman?!? If this woman actually existed and didn’t have 3 arms we’d be dating her! The problem is this, and I’m just going to put it out there, guys really have a hard time legitimately being friends with women we find attractive. And if we’re single hanging out with attractive, fun, interesting, outgoing women is that much harder. So if we’re hanging out with you, chances are we’re trying to find ways to bang you.

3)      “Like running in high heels or, well, giving birth, some things are just better left up to the girls – including picking up chicks.” -Trinie Le Blanc

Ms. Le Blanc gives great advice… if we lived in an ideal world. Unfortunately, in the real world, time after time, otherwise reasonable, rational, creative and smart women have the world’s worst taste in women. Ms. Le Blanc gave the example of women meeting and bonding in the restroom. Here’s an example. Two women go into a bathroom, a “wingwoman” and a 3; two women come out. The guy still sees their “wingwoman” and a 3 but now that the women have “bonded” to the wingwoman the 3 is suddenly an 8.5. Therefore she will spend the next 45 minutes explaining why he should approach her.

Still the one...

Now why is this? First, women can be incredibly competitive, so your 7.9 “wingwoman” is not going to set you up with the 9.3 supermodel, it just doesn’t happen. They’ll gladly set you up with someone of their own perceived hotness level or lower, but if the “wingwoman” is really that hot, I refer back to argument #2 we want to bang her! Secondly, women are more emotional and so they like to talk about their feelings. Men are creatures of action, so we’d rather not spend 45 minutes having you explain to us why Sara spelled without an H would be great for us. When a guy has a guy wingman the conversation goes much differently. “What about Sara?” “Sarah? Dude, are you kidding me?” “Next!”

So the bottom line is this, chances are that if a guy has a wingwoman he’s secretly trying to find a way to bang her, while she is subconsciously trying to c-block him. In the end everyone goes home frustrated… unless the guy is successful… in landing a threesome.

Out.

Alex Scott

Be sure to follow me on Twitter @sensitiveplayer

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Guest Author – Wingwomen: The New, Improved Wingmen by Trinie Le Blanc

September 20, 2010 11 comments

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Thy Wingwoman: Smart, Sexy, and On Your Side.

While I’m no anthropologist, my Spidey Sense tells me that at the dawn of the human race, when a caveman would see a pretty girl – which I’d suppose in those days meant the least hairy of the women – he would club her over the head and drag her by the hair back to his prehistoric bachelor pad, woo her with flowers and monosyllabic grunts, and impress her with his ability to light fires. And so began the game of picking up women.

In modern times, women have evolved and thus, albeit to a less notable degree, so have the men. Few girls that I know would respond well to being clubbed over the head at a bar, but most would be open to talking to a guy who gathered the courage to approach them directly.

Of course, approaching any unknown woman must be quite a daunting task for the single man. Because of this, a great number of men have used wingmen at one time or another – those drinking buddies of theirs who intercede on their behalf in order to gauge an attractive woman’s potential interest or to lay the foundation for (what they hope will be) a smooth pickup.

However, from my own personal experiences when guys have deployed their wingmen to strike up a conversation with me, this effort falls flat. First of all, the situation is too obvious, and second, it’s often awkward and I feel forced to plaster a polite smile onto my face while on the inside my brain is working furiously to devise an exit strategy.

This is why I believe that more men should employ wingwomen to promote their cause. Have you men ever wondered what goes on in the girls bathrooms at bars and clubs? When I go out, I always witness two strangers in the bathroom strike up a conversation along these lines:

Stranger 1: “Oh my God, those are the cutest shoes! Do you mind if I ask where you got them?”

Stranger 2: “Thank you! I actually got them on sale at asos.com.”

Stranger 1: “What’s asos.com?”

Stranger 2: “Oh, you have to check them out… They’re actually based out of London. ASOS stands for ‘As Seen On Screen’ and they have a lot of clothes in the style of Lady Gaga or Victoria Beckham… Here, I’ll write the address for you on the back of my business card.” (Do you see how easy it is for women to get each other’s numbers?)

… Or else two women will be complaining about how their boyfriends always leave the toilet seat up, and then a third will hear the conversation and suddenly chime in with, “Thank God I’m not the only one going through this!” In short, many of us make friends in the bathroom. We laugh, we commiserate, we congratulate… And we unhook the toilet paper trailing from each other’s stilettos when we leave the bathroom.

Once outside the bathroom, we still run into each other and exchange a smile or at least a few words, like a joke referring back to the men who leave the toilet seats up, as we had previously discussed in the ladies’ room. This is far more natural an interaction than, say, a random guy approaching you out of nowhere to strike up a conversation.

One time, I was at a bar with two of my guy friends, and one of them (James) was – as usual – being extremely shy where women were concerned, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I saw a small group of cute girls and managed to strike up a conversation with them. After a little while, I discovered that one of the girls was originally from Utah, which happened to be where my shy friend James was from. I used that opportunity to turn back to my guy friends and say, “Hey James, I just met someone from your home state!” James came over and began talking to these girls, and at that point I walked away, content to let James work his magic.

… The problem was that James actually didn’t have any game, so he came back over to me about two minutes later, but that’s beside the point.

Guys, if you really want spark a woman’s interest, use a wingwoman to strike up a conversation with her – don’t use a wingman. The wingwoman ploy is a bit more devious because when we women talk to each other at a bar, we usually assume that we’re not trying to pick each other up (well, depending on the type of bar you’re at, that is). When a man approaches us, however, our subconscious guard goes up and we’re more wary.

So how do you know which of your female friends might make a reliable wingwoman? Use the following checklist:

– She’s extroverted and enjoys meeting new people
– She’s confident and doesn’t mind sharing the spotlight with other women
– She has a good sense of humor and isn’t easily put off by other people
– She understands the concept of subtlety (i.e. not approaching another woman to say, “My guy friend thinks you’re cute!”)

Like running in high heels or, well, giving birth, some things are just better left up to the girls – including picking up chicks.

Feminine Rage and The Waning Hose Theory, Part II.

September 14, 2010 2 comments

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Part II. The Waning Hose Theory

In the first part of this theory, we defined  the term Feminine Rage. If you took away the following message that Feminine Rage was attributed to the males inability to proactively anticipate a problem before it arose and thus became a more serious problem then “Congratulations!” You can now read the rest of this post. If you did NOT have this interpretation, ask yourself this simple question:

Why so serious?

So the question that has been shot to me, comes about – Why did the definition of  Feminine Rage treat this like a disease that only happens to women? Don’t men get angry too?

Picture copyright by its respective holder.

Tension that is waiting to be released.

Hold on.

Yes. Men get angry; very angry; and much angrier than women do even when experiencing Feminine Rage. However, there are two things to point out when answering this question:

1) When men get angry, we tend to perform actions that are a direct result of this anger. Start wars, fights, and any other distinctly masculine phenomenon.

AND

2)  As Leonidas, on The Unbreakable Man Laws Facebook Page so aptly put it“…since I only date women I can only be concerned with them as far as psychoses in relationships!

Before I begin, understand that this is for illustration purposes only and by no means does anything on UML claim to take the place of actual science or a good Psychiatrist/Counselor. If you are looking for actual relationship advice you can trust, try Dr. Schlessinger. I hear she is “hot” these days.

Now, where were we?

Take a (water) hose and tie one knot at the end of it. Now, turn the hose on and allow the water to build up. Hold this image in your mind. When the water starts to collect near the base and begins to expand like a balloon, this is the equivalent of pent-up Feminine Rage. It has been building over a course of days, weeks, and months.  For the purposes of this analogy, we can think of the water as “negativity.” It has to go somewhere…

So what happens when Feminine Rage is released and it happens to be directed at you? Is the relationship over for good?

Absolutely, Positively, Emphatically “NO!”

Although everything will point towards the exact opposite especially when the experience can be likened to charging the beaches during the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan.

In most instances our impulse, or reflexive action is to immediately jump on the defensive. Deny. Accuse and fight back. While this works in a man’s world where if you bomb us, we bomb you , this same philosophy does not exactly hold true to the fairer sex.

Contrary to popular belief, “The Waning Hose Theory” has nothing to do with impotence and everything to do with how we, as men, CHOOSE to handle this situation.

Back to our analogy, we have our hose (i.e. her filling up with emotion) about to burst. There’s no point in taking cover or running the opposite direction. In fact, you need to face her as if you are the last standing Gladiator in an arena that is about to unleash the tigers. Chances are, these have been fed primarily for this purpose and only the strong shall survive…

When your woman comes to you angry or immediately exhibits the following characteristics of Feminine Rage after a comment that you have made – look for the following signs:

  • shortness of breath
  • slight hyperventilation, often coupled with a slight tinge of redness in the face (although your experience  may vary)
  • Unblinking/Unflinching Eyes; DIRECT and FOCUSED Eye Contact.

When you notice this, do not say anything to retaliate, explain, or rationalize your side. You first need to STFU and listen. Secondly, you need to STFU and listen.  Chances are the hose is still half full and there is a lot to let go. As mentioned before, this tension and negativity has been built up for weeks or months and not all of it has ANYTHING to do with something you may have done – her girlfriends have been yapping their complaints to her and expecting her to listen to all of their BS. Now, it is only fair that she turns this onto someone that needs to listen if he’s going to be with her.

Picture copyright by respective holder

Allow her to get all of that pent-up tension out. There's no way to force it, so you have to be patient. Chances are, she will not immediately feel better after its all done.

Books have been written on how to listen, but for the purposes of this article, all you need to understand is that listening is more than just “grunts” and passive acknowledgments although I am sometimes guilty of this myself. You need to formulate questions that allow her to REALLY get rolling even to the extent that she may grow even angrier based on a question that you asked.

Allowing this built up tension to be released is where The Waning Hose Theory derives its name. The water in the hose – wanes.

Just as a hose lays limp on the ground, even once you pick it up, there still remains a little trickle that you need to shake loose. Allow her to get that last part out – as we all know from watching too many horror movies, even though he/she may look dead, you better make sure there is nothing left in there.

After the explosion, your job, as the man in the relationship, is to slowly, gently, roll the hose back up, and tuck it back into place.

(Editorial Note: And just so you know, it’s called “Make Up Sex” for a reason.)

Feminine Rage and The Waning Hose Theory

September 7, 2010 9 comments

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Part I: The Feminine Rage Theory

This post comes with a cautionary disclaimer. Ladies, do not read this in the presence of a guy. If you do, you may want to ask him to temporarily leave the immediate (striking) vicinity. This is for his safety as this post may bring out unlocked feelings that have yet to be expressed.

Do you really think this type of anger could be directed at another woman? Only guys possess this unique talent to anger thy woman so!

Before I begin with “The Feminine Rage Theory“, first things first. Everyone gets angry. Men. Women. Cats. Dogs. Ants, Birds and some plant life. However, out of all of these, it is Feminine Rage that remains elusive to most male comprehension. We just don’t understand it. When a guy gets angry, he goes outside and hits a punching bag, goes to the gym, or exerts physical force on an object. We can typically SEE what he DOES. He might yell at someone for a minute or two, lose interest, then go back inside and feed Brutus the cat.

Simple.

Feminine Rage is a completely different animal. In fact, it deserves a new chapter and classification in DSM-IV. What may surprise you is that most women are not even aware of the existence of Feminine Rage?

Excuse Me, Mr. Bishop? What did you just say?

Yes, most other women have never really seen this before, because Feminine Rage is always directed towards a man.   Women are naturally much better at telling when another woman is becoming upset and she will PROACTIVELY prevent this from occuring in most cases. Unfortunately, guys lack this ability and we often don’t see or notice a problem until she has already concluded that you must be one of the dumbest guys on the planet.  Without further ado, Let’s go to the root of the issue – the cause.

If you are talking behind my back, then you are in a great position to kiss my ass.” – An Awesome poster on The Unbreakable Man Laws

Women live in a world that tells them that in order to be feminine, they need to be kind and nice to people all day long.  Whether she actually subscribes to this notion is up to her individual personality, however, most women make a partial attempt at being “sugar and spice and everything nice.” You can witness this quite well on Facebook.  For best results, check on a Sunday or Monday night after everyone is back from the weekend. Inevitably, You will hear from one of your female friends go CRAZY about how some b*tch that she can’t stand did X,Y, and Z to her last night at the bar. Less than two seconds later after she says this to you, this girl that she is talking to you about will sign her wall saying “It was so great seeing you!! I loved our heart-to-heart time! Girls Night STAT xoxo

Now, you would think it would stop there. However, it doesn’t.

In fact, after receiving this wall post, she will respond – “ABSOLUTELY my love! You looked fantastic last night! Wine night is in our future babe!”

If you happen to be sitting in the room with her as this is occurring, listen for these six words –  “I f**kin’ hate that stupid b*tch.” Regardless of the actual words that come out of her mouth, whether she is 9 or 90, she is thinking and feeling this…

"Go ahead and say something Johnny, I dare you."

After a few days and weeks of holding this cheery facade, a woman will need to release all of this built up tension. Typically, this won’t occur to another woman within her group of friends for fear of getting ostracized from the social group. When it does, you will frequently see one of the individuals immediately issue an apology the next day via Fed-Ex. Women only REALLY get angry in the presence of guys. They know that we really can’t match them in a face-to-face verbal confrontation. So this is when they really pull all of the stops out and let loose. When this occurs, the brief annoyance of pissyness is upgraded to Feminine Rage. Again, for Feminine Rage to occur it has to be directed at a man. Women just don’t get as angry to each other and express it.

Now, Gentlemen, there is no quick fix for Feminine Rage. So, forget that right now. Men have been trying for centuries to figure out how to end these fits of rage, they’ve invented wine, island retreats, cruises in the Bahamas, and while this can hold back  Feminine Rage at a distance, sooner or later it’s going to strike. So your best bet is simply to deal with it, and understand what you CAN do when it is directed at you.

And it will…

Direct your feminine rage by commenting below OR send me a message: ethanbishop@unbreakablemanlaws.com

Continue to Part II – The Waning Hose Theory

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