The Unbreakable Man Laws

Part II. The Waning Hose Theory

In the first part of this theory, we defined  the term Feminine Rage. If you took away the following message that Feminine Rage was attributed to the males inability to proactively anticipate a problem before it arose and thus became a more serious problem then “Congratulations!” You can now read the rest of this post. If you did NOT have this interpretation, ask yourself this simple question:

Why so serious?

So the question that has been shot to me, comes about – Why did the definition of  Feminine Rage treat this like a disease that only happens to women? Don’t men get angry too?

Tension that is waiting to be released.

Hold on.

Yes. Men get angry; very angry; and much angrier than women do even when experiencing Feminine Rage. However, there are two things to point out when answering this question:

1) When men get angry, we tend to perform actions that are a direct result of this anger. Start wars, fights, and any other distinctly masculine phenomenon.

AND

2)  As Leonidas, on The Unbreakable Man Laws Facebook Page so aptly put it“…since I only date women I can only be concerned with them as far as psychoses in relationships!”

Before I begin, understand that this is for illustration purposes only and by no means does anything on UML claim to take the place of actual science or a good Psychiatrist/Counselor. If you are looking for actual relationship advice you can trust, try Dr. Schlessinger. I hear she is “hot” these days.

Now, where were we?

Take a (water) hose and tie one knot at the end of it. Now, turn the hose on and allow the water to build up. Hold this image in your mind. When the water starts to collect near the base and begins to expand like a balloon, this is the equivalent of pent-up Feminine Rage. It has been building over a course of days, weeks, and months.  For the purposes of this analogy, we can think of the water as “negativity.” It has to go somewhere…

So what happens when Feminine Rage is released and it happens to be directed at you? Is the relationship over for good?

Absolutely, Positively, Emphatically “NO!”

Although everything will point towards the exact opposite especially when the experience can be likened to charging the beaches during the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan.

In most instances our impulse, or reflexive action is to immediately jump on the defensive. Deny. Accuse and fight back. While this works in a man’s world where if you bomb us, we bomb you , this same philosophy does not exactly hold true to the fairer sex.

Contrary to popular belief, “The Waning Hose Theory” has nothing to do with impotence and everything to do with how we, as men, CHOOSE to handle this situation.

Back to our analogy, we have our hose (i.e. her filling up with emotion) about to burst. There’s no point in taking cover or running the opposite direction. In fact, you need to face her as if you are the last standing Gladiator in an arena that is about to unleash the tigers. Chances are, these have been fed primarily for this purpose and only the strong shall survive…

When your woman comes to you angry or immediately exhibits the following characteristics of Feminine Rage after a comment that you have made – look for the following signs:

• shortness of breath
• slight hyperventilation, often coupled with a slight tinge of redness in the face (although your experience  may vary)
• Unblinking/Unflinching Eyes; DIRECT and FOCUSED Eye Contact.

When you notice this, do not say anything to retaliate, explain, or rationalize your side. You first need to STFU and listen. Secondly, you need to STFU and listen.  Chances are the hose is still half full and there is a lot to let go. As mentioned before, this tension and negativity has been built up for weeks or months and not all of it has ANYTHING to do with something you may have done – her girlfriends have been yapping their complaints to her and expecting her to listen to all of their BS. Now, it is only fair that she turns this onto someone that needs to listen if he’s going to be with her.

Allow her to get all of that pent-up tension out. There's no way to force it, so you have to be patient. Chances are, she will not immediately feel better after its all done.

Books have been written on how to listen, but for the purposes of this article, all you need to understand is that listening is more than just “grunts” and passive acknowledgments although I am sometimes guilty of this myself. You need to formulate questions that allow her to REALLY get rolling even to the extent that she may grow even angrier based on a question that you asked.

Allowing this built up tension to be released is where The Waning Hose Theory derives its name. The water in the hose – wanes.

Just as a hose lays limp on the ground, even once you pick it up, there still remains a little trickle that you need to shake loose. Allow her to get that last part out – as we all know from watching too many horror movies, even though he/she may look dead, you better make sure there is nothing left in there.

After the explosion, your job, as the man in the relationship, is to slowly, gently, roll the hose back up, and tuck it back into place.

(Editorial Note: And just so you know, it’s called “Make Up Sex” for a reason.)