Archive for September 7, 2010

Feminine Rage and The Waning Hose Theory

September 7, 2010 8 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Part I: The Feminine Rage Theory

This post comes with a cautionary disclaimer. Ladies, do not read this in the presence of a guy. If you do, you may want to ask him to temporarily leave the immediate (striking) vicinity. This is for his safety as this post may bring out unlocked feelings that have yet to be expressed.

Do you really think this type of anger could be directed at another woman? Only guys possess this unique talent to anger thy woman so!

Before I begin with “The Feminine Rage Theory“, first things first. Everyone gets angry. Men. Women. Cats. Dogs. Ants, Birds and some plant life. However, out of all of these, it is Feminine Rage that remains elusive to most male comprehension. We just don’t understand it. When a guy gets angry, he goes outside and hits a punching bag, goes to the gym, or exerts physical force on an object. We can typically SEE what he DOES. He might yell at someone for a minute or two, lose interest, then go back inside and feed Brutus the cat.


Feminine Rage is a completely different animal. In fact, it deserves a new chapter and classification in DSM-IV. What may surprise you is that most women are not even aware of the existence of Feminine Rage?

Excuse Me, Mr. Bishop? What did you just say?

Yes, most other women have never really seen this before, because Feminine Rage is always directed towards a man.   Women are naturally much better at telling when another woman is becoming upset and she will PROACTIVELY prevent this from occuring in most cases. Unfortunately, guys lack this ability and we often don’t see or notice a problem until she has already concluded that you must be one of the dumbest guys on the planet.  Without further ado, Let’s go to the root of the issue – the cause.

If you are talking behind my back, then you are in a great position to kiss my ass.” – An Awesome poster on The Unbreakable Man Laws

Women live in a world that tells them that in order to be feminine, they need to be kind and nice to people all day long.  Whether she actually subscribes to this notion is up to her individual personality, however, most women make a partial attempt at being “sugar and spice and everything nice.” You can witness this quite well on Facebook.  For best results, check on a Sunday or Monday night after everyone is back from the weekend. Inevitably, You will hear from one of your female friends go CRAZY about how some b*tch that she can’t stand did X,Y, and Z to her last night at the bar. Less than two seconds later after she says this to you, this girl that she is talking to you about will sign her wall saying “It was so great seeing you!! I loved our heart-to-heart time! Girls Night STAT xoxo

Now, you would think it would stop there. However, it doesn’t.

In fact, after receiving this wall post, she will respond – “ABSOLUTELY my love! You looked fantastic last night! Wine night is in our future babe!”

If you happen to be sitting in the room with her as this is occurring, listen for these six words –  “I f**kin’ hate that stupid b*tch.” Regardless of the actual words that come out of her mouth, whether she is 9 or 90, she is thinking and feeling this…

"Go ahead and say something Johnny, I dare you."

After a few days and weeks of holding this cheery facade, a woman will need to release all of this built up tension. Typically, this won’t occur to another woman within her group of friends for fear of getting ostracized from the social group. When it does, you will frequently see one of the individuals immediately issue an apology the next day via Fed-Ex. Women only REALLY get angry in the presence of guys. They know that we really can’t match them in a face-to-face verbal confrontation. So this is when they really pull all of the stops out and let loose. When this occurs, the brief annoyance of pissyness is upgraded to Feminine Rage. Again, for Feminine Rage to occur it has to be directed at a man. Women just don’t get as angry to each other and express it.

Now, Gentlemen, there is no quick fix for Feminine Rage. So, forget that right now. Men have been trying for centuries to figure out how to end these fits of rage, they’ve invented wine, island retreats, cruises in the Bahamas, and while this can hold back  Feminine Rage at a distance, sooner or later it’s going to strike. So your best bet is simply to deal with it, and understand what you CAN do when it is directed at you.

And it will…

Direct your feminine rage by commenting below OR send me a message:

Continue to Part II – The Waning Hose Theory

%d bloggers like this: