The Unbreakable Man Laws

It’s been a few months since I’ve written a Man Law or Man Theory, and TONIGHT, I thought it was time to change ALL that so sit back,  relax and enjoy the entry!

For the past few years, I think men everywhere have been aware of the idea that women like to test us. They like to see HOW we handle certain situations and in many ways, they create these situations to see what WE are made of and if we are the right one for them.

I have yet to meet a woman who will come forward and say that they actively test guys. Specifically, they will not tell you, “Hey, this is a test, I want to see how you handle this situation, go run around this play area, I’m going to monitor your behavior and I’ll let you know if I like what I see…”  It’s not even clear if they are AWARE of how this comes across to us or why we feel that way at times. But I know I’m not the first to experience this and men everywhere can collectively sigh, shake their head and say aloud to the computer “ALAS, but ’tis true.”

First, it’s quite common for the female of the species, whether its primates, birds or fish, to want to know that their man is MAN ENOUGH to protect them.  You’ll see males everywhere battle for territory, ram their horns, display their feathers, and do their dance in order to attract the attention of the female. It’s very natural and after all, if they are pregnant with offspring, they probably won’t be running around with the bow and arrow chasing down the kill and they need to feel that their man will provide for them. I know a number of women in the 21^st century would like to think they can handle all of this without a man, and there are many of them out there that can, but some, deep down, know that it’s in our male nature to want to handle these sorts of things.  After all, if they are the brains of the relationship, we are the muscle, or at least that’s how it was at one point.

So what is Balance Beam Theory, you ask? Here, I’ll tell you.

If you think of every woman as a gymnastics coach, YOU, gentlemen, are on the far side of a 20-30 foot long balance beam.  When you see a woman of interest, your job is to make it across this balance beam and she will throw everything at you to see if you can handle all that may occur in a relationship with her.  When you step on the beam, you are on display, and you can think of it as a march to the scaffold with her being the final decision point as to whether or not you’ll be beheaded even if you make it across. There are people (her friends) who are throwing things at you, rotten eggs and tomatoes, all the dirt that has been dug up on you, combat boots, anything not staked to the ground and within her grasp, trying to actively knock you off balance. You may even make it across, only for the American Idol judges to give you all ones and zeroes, but you have to finish in the first place to know where you stand.

Now women are smart. They are REAL smart. And they talk. So just about every woman out there has about 4-5 men (all on varying length balance beams), probably more, that are actively pursuing her and she knows it. She’s not dumb. So the woman is standing on the opposite end of the beam, and she has a whip in her hand. You only have a limited time frame to make it across and if you fall off, she might not let you back on, not if you failed the wrong test since they all have different levels of importance. Some women may value integrity while others value openness and honesty. It’s different for everyone.

The funny thing is that just about every guy out there (Editorial Note: every hetero guy…) is on SOME sort of balance beam. Whether he would like to admit it or not, he had to do SOMETHING to prove to her that he wasn’t just some average guy on the street. Women don’t have the time to fool around with all the guys who are after them, they may make it “easier” for some who have proven it in other ways, but in general, ALL of us have to go through some sort of mental and physical aptitude test. Are you up for the position? Because if not, there are plenty of applicants.

So, as a man, what do you do, what CAN you do? First thing you can do is realize that you aren’t going to always make it across. It’s not possible. Some of these women need you to not only hold your balance but do flips, jumping jacks, somersaults and they don’t care WHAT you do, you aren’t going to make it.

Don’t worry about them.

What doesn’t throw you off, will make you stronger though, and that experience will prepare you for the NEXT woman you cross paths with and this is just as important.  She’s building you up and you need to appreciate this because if you make it across, in most cases, it will be worth it. She’ll feel confident that you are the guy who knows how to deal with all the situational drama that you may come across in a relationship with her and she also knows that you were up for the task.  You were man enough and if you make it, good job, you deserve a pat on the back (cause she will probably be angry at you anyway for taking so long.)

Another thing you have to remember while you are up there on display, is to STAY FOCUSED. Hold your ground, maintain your base, and stay steady for ANYTHING that might happen in the moment.  Just because you see something on the side that’s about to get launched at you doesn’t mean you have to jump off to dodge it. Instead, greet it head on, make friends with it, you have to maintain your focus and in this case, it’s her. Most of us already know and HAVE what it takes to get across, but we forget in the heat of the moment.

Now, to leave you with something meaningful and something you walk away with if nothing at all from this post, in the words of a famous writer, some know him as the author of the “Song of Ice and Fire” series:

“Fear cuts deeper than swords”- George R.R. Martin

If you remember where you stand, your feet will take you where you  need to go… 

As always, welcoming comments and criticisms.

This is Ethan Bishop. Over and out.