Man Law #72 – Detach from the Outcome: “If at first you don’t succeed, try someone else…”
“As soon as the desire to win emerges, one loses perspective and attempts to force the issue, which can result in defeat.” – Ancient Budo Wisdom (See the book: Budo Secrets)
There are many factors that make one attractive to the opposite sex. One of the most PROMINENT attractors are those who appear not to be overly concerned with the outcome. While this post is written from the male perspective, it applies to both sexes. Practitioners of this MAN LAW want things to go in their favor, however, they realize that they are not dependent on a reaction from this person.
For instance, here is a sample conversation of what one might encounter in his pursuits to find – the one:
Her: “We are NOT having sex tonight.”
Your response: “OK!!! “
Her: “Good.I’m glad we made that clear.”
Her (thinks to self): WTF? Why doesn’t he like me? I better f*** him.
Now, Gentlemen, I realize this seems to be counter-intuitive, but if you get into this situation, just trust me on this one. Don’t start listing how you were on the Honor Roll in High School, played Varsity Football at Texas, and helped feed starving children in Haiti. Just STFU and say: “Ok!”
And here’s the secret. You have to mean it.
Now, if you become too indifferent, too nonchalant, women will throw you into a different category. They call these guys – assholes.
And while you may have heard that being an asshole is attractive to women, it’s really a combination of other characteristics that makes him attractive. He only becomes an asshole AFTER the woman realizes that he’s not behaving as she thinks that he should. (Editorial Note: Now, guys also have another name for a woman that fall into this category, but that’s another story.)
When we exert too much importance on a specific event, we can EASILY become overbearing and have the opposite effect of pushing that person away. We’ve all done it, I know I have. You find yourself contacting that person way too much – you follow up the phone call, with a text, with a Facebook message, with another text, with another phone call. If the person REALLY wanted to get back in touch with you, they would have done so after the first or second attempt. At this point you need to do one thing and one thing only.
Or as a good friend suggested to me for a Man Law a few months ago – “If at first you don’t succeed, try someone else.”
You INCREASE your value to the person of interest when you show that you are not attached to a response from her. You are not NEEDY of them. If you’ve ever heard a girl describe a guy she went on a date with as pushy or “try hard”, he was doing too many things to impress the girl. Women sense this and a lot of times they’ll say to themselves “Why is he trying so hard? He must not have any options.”
In some regards, you can view being “detached from the outcome” as a way of being mysterious. The other person can not really tell if you are interested in them or not. When you find yourself becoming attached, you’ll spend time and effort thinking of everything right that you can do, only to have the girl think to herself “He’s cool, but he would really be great for someone else. I think we should just be friends” and she’ll turn around right after your date that night and go home with the construction worker who asked her to buy him a PBR.
If the person is right for us, there will be PLENTY of opportunities to go on fancy dates, expensive dinners, concerts, and vacations at exotic resorts. Just because she says she is a Ford Model doesn’t mean you have to take her to the Four Seasons when you first go out with her.