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Guest Author: Confessions of a Female Professional Dater (FPD) by V

March 21, 2010 8 comments

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Today is Saturday and I have the most impossible schedule ahead of me. At 1:30 I agreed to have lunch with Zach, at 3:30 I am meeting Mike for a movie, and at 7 I have plans for dinner with Jeff. Mind you, this is all taking place in the same area of town, and I’m not quite sure why I was so determined to push my limits to take on all 3 guys I am seeing in one day. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush, or just the simple notion that I am a cunning female fox.

"I'm checking my calendar. I can pencil you in between 7 and 8 on Friday. What did you say your name was again?"

The day was stressful and yet I succeeded, again, at making the impossible a work of art. Lunch was flawless with Zach, whom I’d been seeing for a month and a half now and sleeping with (I provide this bit of information because casual dating to me turns into professional dating when sexual relationships are involved). I’ve also been physically attracted to Mike in the past few weeks, who graduated from Yale, and has made an impressive effort to wine, dine, and flatter me. As I waved good-bye to Zach from the back window of his car, I had 5 minutes to run down the street in 3-inch heels to the movie theater. After enough playful movie theater flirting, I tell him I’m meeting up with girlfriends for dinner, and that I’ll call him later. As Mike sails away in a cab, I call Jeff, who’s just parking. Jeff is my newest crush after meeting last week at a café. He’s an adventurer—into rock climbing and Extreme Mountain Biking… I couldn’t resist.

I’ve been a Female Professional Dater (FPD) for about 2 years. Before then, I limited myself to one man at a time and scorned those who jumped over the field like a game of checkers. I had high expectations, and in doing so, I never had men that lasted more than a few weeks at a time. Now I have men pouring out my text, voicemail and email inboxes. I don’t need the attention, but I love it. I’m not out to prove a point, but I do. I am educated, persuasive, classy, feminine, and despite my usual self-deprecation, popular opinion finds me very attractive. I am not a whore. I am not a slut. I don’t sleep around with just anyone or everyone I date.

Women who can professionally date are not easy or by any means low life trash. They are a group of us that are educated, skillful, know what men our age like the most about women, and know how to use our own sex appeal and intelligence to mesmerize them. We normally know what type you are—young professionals, busy with life and your own personal interests/goals, but enjoy the candy on your right arm. You like to impress us with your accomplishments and flatter us so that we have sex with you. You spend money on dinners and drinks to further your credibility as a successful and charming gentleman, because you’re out with a sexy woman who makes you look even better.

Women in general are not Pick Up Artists (PUAs). Why? Gentlemen, why do we need to be, when YOU do all the work? Our goal isn’t increasing the notches on our belts, but rather entertaining ourselves with the number of men who want US as a notch on theirs. We are excellent at understanding the aggressive male instinct of “picking up” women, and we play off that innate quality. In other words, we let you do all the work, but we also let Nick, John, and Mark do it too. We are still selective, no man takes us out that we don’t find interesting or attractive. We don’t need free dinners or your money; most of us are accomplished and can afford to take ourselves out whenever we want to (men just normally offer, and we find it as a sense of good chivalry). We play off of man games. We study you from the beginning, decipher exactly what you’re looking for in a woman, and become it before you learn anything about us…. You instantly become intrigued and spellbound, and indulge yourself in our perfection. We’ve got you smitten, and we do it in no pursuit other than the same pleasure that men find in picking up women for coddling their egos.

Be forewarned.We never game alone.

Men, I’m telling you this because at a certain point, many of you will have to learn that being a PUA doesn’t do you much justice. Many of you are selective in who you want to date/sleep with too, but perhaps those women are the ones that already know their gaming value. And don’t think you’ll be able to tell those that know that value from those who don’t. We can play off of our “virtues of gentleness and compassion” (Google definition of Womanly) and fake sincerity effortlessly in order to match your latest Pick-Up line.

Women generally don’t “game” alone. We have friends. We have support networks, and we have endless coaching advice from our female counterparts. It’s the Gladiator strategy; you’re stronger when you move together. On the other hand, we’re confident enough to go on several one-on-ones whenever we’re asked because we’re all Maximus Aureliuses.  We don’t doubt our prowess for a second. As professional daters we can also spot other women from afar who are excellent at it, and it is socially polite to acknowledge and compliment them on their capabilities, like two accomplished scientists shaking hands.

Maybe some of you are disappointed, wondering if “visiting my grandmother the past weekend and couldn’t meet you out” or “I’m sorry I’m buried in my latest project tonight“ or “I promised my girlfriends I’d stay in with them tonight” really meant that your latest interest had some other “appointments.” Sure, they’re not always lies, but you’d hardly know, because we’ve created your perfect girl fantasy to where you’d deny any idea of us not being honest with you. The harsh reality is that, unlike all the information out there warning women about male PUAs, there is rarely anything on us.

My best advice to overcome, get over, or be aware of a FPD is to 1, refer to Man Law #68, 2, stop thinking that being a PUA is an act of Man Justice, and 3, keep the first date focus off of yourself and on to the girl from the beginning. She’ll be forced to give you more of her real self instead of studying you, which will challenge her (and she’ll probably find it sexy that you’re interested). Lastly, keep going, keep dating, and don’t scorn a woman or blame women FPDs for crushing your self-esteem. Keep yourself grounded, enjoy your life, and humble yourself. When you find the right girl or she finds you or things just “click” beyond explanation, the game won’t even exist, because in the end both sides win.

Man Law #74 – O.K. to WANT Sex, Not to EXPECT it!

March 16, 2010 4 comments

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We’ve all been there. I’ve been there. You’ve been there.

It's safe to say that if shes open for this, you are in the clear...

You meet someone new and you think it. is. ON.

All the signs are there. She ask you to pick up a bottle of wine, bring it over, and to “Dress light”.  You shower up, throw some gel in your hair, hose yourself down with cologne (Editorial Note: or Axe, lets be honest here for those of you still in undergrad), pack (extra) protection and get ready to roll.

When you show up to her place, she’s wearing sweat pants and looks like she had just woken up from a 5-hour nap. She has the look of ::sucker:: on her face.

Every time I’ve met up with someone new EXPECTING anything out of the meet up, I have failed miserably and ended up with nothing.  I tended to run into this most often in college. I would be lying if I said that I don’t run into this every once in a blue moon, usually after a recent break up, but it happens.

This over eagerness shows up in your demeanor, your facial expressions, and your text messages. Suffice it to say that the LESS you expect to get, the more you will end up with

After you’ve been seeing her for a while and started a physical relationship, that is one thing. But if you’ve just met a girl or for some odd reason things have progressed with a girl you have class with and the two of you are hanging out one on one – do not expect anything out of the encounter. Don’t even let that thought cross your mind. The second you start thinking “I am so getting la–“, just stop that thought process right there. You’ll jinx yourself. I know. It’s happened to me more times than I can count.

Women are worse than German Shepherds sniffing for bombs at airports when it comes to telling if you want to hook up or not. It’s one thing if she’s decided in her head “Yes, this is going to happen”, but its another if she’s not too sure about how she feels about you yet and whether you would run back to your boys on the sidelines like you had just scored a touchdown awaiting high fives.

It's happened to all of us...

Even if she is begging you to come over and the two of you’ve been trading hot and flirtatious text messages (i.e. flirtext) –  don’t show up at her place shirtless, wearing a  bowtie, and quoting “The Situation”.

The way to overcome this is to have a Plan B. That’s right. Plan to do something afterwards. Either you have to meet up with your buddies afterwards or get to bed for an early class or work. This goes hand in hand with Man Law #58- A.B.D.S.E. But really, it is to calm yourself and realize that whatever happens happens and not to beat yourself up over it.  If you can have a good time with or without her in your life, that is the ultimate attractor and she will be able to sense this and want to be a part of it!

Man Law #73 – Execute Rule#2 -The Double Tap!

March 2, 2010 5 comments

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With all the snow these past few weeks, I’ve finally had the chance to catch up on a few movies I missed while they were in the theater including Zombieland and Hurt Locker. Both of these movies are about survival and ways of dealing with everyday situations without losing your mind. Naturally, I found these survival lessons were immediately applicable to relationships and surviving the hazardous, sometimes explosive conditions of the dating world. Grab your shotgun, throw on your bomb squad suit, and prepare for action!

Now, Zombieland takes place in a post-Apocalyptic America where the main character, Columbus, has compiled a list of Rules for Survival.  Like Zombieland, The Unbreakable Man Laws are Rules For Relationship Survival. These rules have are not only applicable to dating but some have even adapted them to the stock market! (http://www.bullishness.com/blog/posts/10-things-zombieland-taught-me-about-stock-market-investing)  You may not agree with all of them, but they will keep you alive even if by a thread!

Typically, after meeting someone new at a bar, club or house party, you are one of what could be many men she met and gave her number to that night. So don’t act too surprised when you text her a few days later and she has no idea who you are and when she met you. There are many ways to beat the odds and set yourself apart from the rest. Here, I like to employ the following:

Execute Rule #2 – The Double Tap

Execute Rule #2 - The Double Tap.

“In those moments where you’re not quite sure if the undead are really dead, don’t get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal.” – Columbus

(Editorial Note: As you can see, you should always be on the lookout for new Man Law inspirations and contact me at ethanbishop@unbreakablemanlaws.com if you want to see one written)

After going on a date or lets be honest even a late night (which includes one night stands) hookup, the other person is left thinking whether the person they shared this time with enjoyed themselves or not.  Don’t leave this up to chance! These first few hours are crucial and 24 hours later may be too late. All sorts of feelings may be going through that persons mind and one of these may be “Buyer’s Remorse” especially after a passionate hook up.

One way of reassuring that person is by sending a follow-up message – a Double Tap. Guys, its time to man up because its up to us to do this before she does. Sometimes she may beat you to the punch but you need to lead with this one.

I call this the Double-Tap because you are following up a brief encounter with a bold move to ensure the person knows where you stand.  A simple text message or (private) message on facebook stating “I had a great time meeting you” will do the job.  Sending a message within a few hours after last seeing the person will put you on a positive trajectory and the other person will think differently of you.

Now the medium at which you contact the other person is up to you. As one can attest from my association with the girls at Flirtexting, I prefer a Double Tap Text Message but some prefer the old fashioned Double Tap Phone call afterwards. Again, personal preferences here but its been my experience that a phone call within the first 24 hours makes you look a bit overly eager. Find out for yourself!

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