The Unbreakable Man Laws

Today is Saturday and I have the most impossible schedule ahead of me. At 1:30 I agreed to have lunch with Zach, at 3:30 I am meeting Mike for a movie, and at 7 I have plans for dinner with Jeff. Mind you, this is all taking place in the same area of town, and I’m not quite sure why I was so determined to push my limits to take on all 3 guys I am seeing in one day. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush, or just the simple notion that I am a cunning female fox.

"I'm checking my calendar. I can pencil you in between 7 and 8 on Friday. What did you say your name was again?"

The day was stressful and yet I succeeded, again, at making the impossible a work of art. Lunch was flawless with Zach, whom I’d been seeing for a month and a half now and sleeping with (I provide this bit of information because casual dating to me turns into professional dating when sexual relationships are involved). I’ve also been physically attracted to Mike in the past few weeks, who graduated from Yale, and has made an impressive effort to wine, dine, and flatter me. As I waved good-bye to Zach from the back window of his car, I had 5 minutes to run down the street in 3-inch heels to the movie theater. After enough playful movie theater flirting, I tell him I’m meeting up with girlfriends for dinner, and that I’ll call him later. As Mike sails away in a cab, I call Jeff, who’s just parking. Jeff is my newest crush after meeting last week at a café. He’s an adventurer—into rock climbing and Extreme Mountain Biking… I couldn’t resist.

I’ve been a Female Professional Dater (FPD) for about 2 years. Before then, I limited myself to one man at a time and scorned those who jumped over the field like a game of checkers. I had high expectations, and in doing so, I never had men that lasted more than a few weeks at a time. Now I have men pouring out my text, voicemail and email inboxes. I don’t need the attention, but I love it. I’m not out to prove a point, but I do. I am educated, persuasive, classy, feminine, and despite my usual self-deprecation, popular opinion finds me very attractive. I am not a whore. I am not a slut. I don’t sleep around with just anyone or everyone I date.

Women who can professionally date are not easy or by any means low life trash. They are a group of us that are educated, skillful, know what men our age like the most about women, and know how to use our own sex appeal and intelligence to mesmerize them. We normally know what type you are—young professionals, busy with life and your own personal interests/goals, but enjoy the candy on your right arm. You like to impress us with your accomplishments and flatter us so that we have sex with you. You spend money on dinners and drinks to further your credibility as a successful and charming gentleman, because you’re out with a sexy woman who makes you look even better.

Women in general are not Pick Up Artists (PUAs). Why? Gentlemen, why do we need to be, when YOU do all the work? Our goal isn’t increasing the notches on our belts, but rather entertaining ourselves with the number of men who want US as a notch on theirs. We are excellent at understanding the aggressive male instinct of “picking up” women, and we play off that innate quality. In other words, we let you do all the work, but we also let Nick, John, and Mark do it too. We are still selective, no man takes us out that we don’t find interesting or attractive. We don’t need free dinners or your money; most of us are accomplished and can afford to take ourselves out whenever we want to (men just normally offer, and we find it as a sense of good chivalry). We play off of man games. We study you from the beginning, decipher exactly what you’re looking for in a woman, and become it before you learn anything about us…. You instantly become intrigued and spellbound, and indulge yourself in our perfection. We’ve got you smitten, and we do it in no pursuit other than the same pleasure that men find in picking up women for coddling their egos.

Be forewarned.We never game alone.

Men, I’m telling you this because at a certain point, many of you will have to learn that being a PUA doesn’t do you much justice. Many of you are selective in who you want to date/sleep with too, but perhaps those women are the ones that already know their gaming value. And don’t think you’ll be able to tell those that know that value from those who don’t. We can play off of our “virtues of gentleness and compassion” (Google definition of Womanly) and fake sincerity effortlessly in order to match your latest Pick-Up line.

Women generally don’t “game” alone. We have friends. We have support networks, and we have endless coaching advice from our female counterparts. It’s the Gladiator strategy; you’re stronger when you move together. On the other hand, we’re confident enough to go on several one-on-ones whenever we’re asked because we’re all Maximus Aureliuses.  We don’t doubt our prowess for a second. As professional daters we can also spot other women from afar who are excellent at it, and it is socially polite to acknowledge and compliment them on their capabilities, like two accomplished scientists shaking hands.

Maybe some of you are disappointed, wondering if “visiting my grandmother the past weekend and couldn’t meet you out” or “I’m sorry I’m buried in my latest project tonight“ or “I promised my girlfriends I’d stay in with them tonight” really meant that your latest interest had some other “appointments.” Sure, they’re not always lies, but you’d hardly know, because we’ve created your perfect girl fantasy to where you’d deny any idea of us not being honest with you. The harsh reality is that, unlike all the information out there warning women about male PUAs, there is rarely anything on us.

My best advice to overcome, get over, or be aware of a FPD is to 1, refer to Man Law #68, 2, stop thinking that being a PUA is an act of Man Justice, and 3, keep the first date focus off of yourself and on to the girl from the beginning. She’ll be forced to give you more of her real self instead of studying you, which will challenge her (and she’ll probably find it sexy that you’re interested). Lastly, keep going, keep dating, and don’t scorn a woman or blame women FPDs for crushing your self-esteem. Keep yourself grounded, enjoy your life, and humble yourself. When you find the right girl or she finds you or things just “click” beyond explanation, the game won’t even exist, because in the end both sides win.