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Guest Author – Wingwomen: The New, Improved Wingmen by Trinie Le Blanc

September 20, 2010 11 comments

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Thy Wingwoman: Smart, Sexy, and On Your Side.

While I’m no anthropologist, my Spidey Sense tells me that at the dawn of the human race, when a caveman would see a pretty girl – which I’d suppose in those days meant the least hairy of the women – he would club her over the head and drag her by the hair back to his prehistoric bachelor pad, woo her with flowers and monosyllabic grunts, and impress her with his ability to light fires. And so began the game of picking up women.

In modern times, women have evolved and thus, albeit to a less notable degree, so have the men. Few girls that I know would respond well to being clubbed over the head at a bar, but most would be open to talking to a guy who gathered the courage to approach them directly.

Of course, approaching any unknown woman must be quite a daunting task for the single man. Because of this, a great number of men have used wingmen at one time or another – those drinking buddies of theirs who intercede on their behalf in order to gauge an attractive woman’s potential interest or to lay the foundation for (what they hope will be) a smooth pickup.

However, from my own personal experiences when guys have deployed their wingmen to strike up a conversation with me, this effort falls flat. First of all, the situation is too obvious, and second, it’s often awkward and I feel forced to plaster a polite smile onto my face while on the inside my brain is working furiously to devise an exit strategy.

This is why I believe that more men should employ wingwomen to promote their cause. Have you men ever wondered what goes on in the girls bathrooms at bars and clubs? When I go out, I always witness two strangers in the bathroom strike up a conversation along these lines:

Stranger 1: “Oh my God, those are the cutest shoes! Do you mind if I ask where you got them?”

Stranger 2: “Thank you! I actually got them on sale at asos.com.”

Stranger 1: “What’s asos.com?”

Stranger 2: “Oh, you have to check them out… They’re actually based out of London. ASOS stands for ‘As Seen On Screen’ and they have a lot of clothes in the style of Lady Gaga or Victoria Beckham… Here, I’ll write the address for you on the back of my business card.” (Do you see how easy it is for women to get each other’s numbers?)

… Or else two women will be complaining about how their boyfriends always leave the toilet seat up, and then a third will hear the conversation and suddenly chime in with, “Thank God I’m not the only one going through this!” In short, many of us make friends in the bathroom. We laugh, we commiserate, we congratulate… And we unhook the toilet paper trailing from each other’s stilettos when we leave the bathroom.

Once outside the bathroom, we still run into each other and exchange a smile or at least a few words, like a joke referring back to the men who leave the toilet seats up, as we had previously discussed in the ladies’ room. This is far more natural an interaction than, say, a random guy approaching you out of nowhere to strike up a conversation.

One time, I was at a bar with two of my guy friends, and one of them (James) was – as usual – being extremely shy where women were concerned, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I saw a small group of cute girls and managed to strike up a conversation with them. After a little while, I discovered that one of the girls was originally from Utah, which happened to be where my shy friend James was from. I used that opportunity to turn back to my guy friends and say, “Hey James, I just met someone from your home state!” James came over and began talking to these girls, and at that point I walked away, content to let James work his magic.

… The problem was that James actually didn’t have any game, so he came back over to me about two minutes later, but that’s beside the point.

Guys, if you really want spark a woman’s interest, use a wingwoman to strike up a conversation with her – don’t use a wingman. The wingwoman ploy is a bit more devious because when we women talk to each other at a bar, we usually assume that we’re not trying to pick each other up (well, depending on the type of bar you’re at, that is). When a man approaches us, however, our subconscious guard goes up and we’re more wary.

So how do you know which of your female friends might make a reliable wingwoman? Use the following checklist:

– She’s extroverted and enjoys meeting new people
– She’s confident and doesn’t mind sharing the spotlight with other women
– She has a good sense of humor and isn’t easily put off by other people
– She understands the concept of subtlety (i.e. not approaching another woman to say, “My guy friend thinks you’re cute!”)

Like running in high heels or, well, giving birth, some things are just better left up to the girls – including picking up chicks.

Guest Author: Confessions of a Female Professional Dater (FPD) by V

March 21, 2010 8 comments

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Today is Saturday and I have the most impossible schedule ahead of me. At 1:30 I agreed to have lunch with Zach, at 3:30 I am meeting Mike for a movie, and at 7 I have plans for dinner with Jeff. Mind you, this is all taking place in the same area of town, and I’m not quite sure why I was so determined to push my limits to take on all 3 guys I am seeing in one day. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush, or just the simple notion that I am a cunning female fox.

"I'm checking my calendar. I can pencil you in between 7 and 8 on Friday. What did you say your name was again?"

The day was stressful and yet I succeeded, again, at making the impossible a work of art. Lunch was flawless with Zach, whom I’d been seeing for a month and a half now and sleeping with (I provide this bit of information because casual dating to me turns into professional dating when sexual relationships are involved). I’ve also been physically attracted to Mike in the past few weeks, who graduated from Yale, and has made an impressive effort to wine, dine, and flatter me. As I waved good-bye to Zach from the back window of his car, I had 5 minutes to run down the street in 3-inch heels to the movie theater. After enough playful movie theater flirting, I tell him I’m meeting up with girlfriends for dinner, and that I’ll call him later. As Mike sails away in a cab, I call Jeff, who’s just parking. Jeff is my newest crush after meeting last week at a café. He’s an adventurer—into rock climbing and Extreme Mountain Biking… I couldn’t resist.

I’ve been a Female Professional Dater (FPD) for about 2 years. Before then, I limited myself to one man at a time and scorned those who jumped over the field like a game of checkers. I had high expectations, and in doing so, I never had men that lasted more than a few weeks at a time. Now I have men pouring out my text, voicemail and email inboxes. I don’t need the attention, but I love it. I’m not out to prove a point, but I do. I am educated, persuasive, classy, feminine, and despite my usual self-deprecation, popular opinion finds me very attractive. I am not a whore. I am not a slut. I don’t sleep around with just anyone or everyone I date.

Women who can professionally date are not easy or by any means low life trash. They are a group of us that are educated, skillful, know what men our age like the most about women, and know how to use our own sex appeal and intelligence to mesmerize them. We normally know what type you are—young professionals, busy with life and your own personal interests/goals, but enjoy the candy on your right arm. You like to impress us with your accomplishments and flatter us so that we have sex with you. You spend money on dinners and drinks to further your credibility as a successful and charming gentleman, because you’re out with a sexy woman who makes you look even better.

Women in general are not Pick Up Artists (PUAs). Why? Gentlemen, why do we need to be, when YOU do all the work? Our goal isn’t increasing the notches on our belts, but rather entertaining ourselves with the number of men who want US as a notch on theirs. We are excellent at understanding the aggressive male instinct of “picking up” women, and we play off that innate quality. In other words, we let you do all the work, but we also let Nick, John, and Mark do it too. We are still selective, no man takes us out that we don’t find interesting or attractive. We don’t need free dinners or your money; most of us are accomplished and can afford to take ourselves out whenever we want to (men just normally offer, and we find it as a sense of good chivalry). We play off of man games. We study you from the beginning, decipher exactly what you’re looking for in a woman, and become it before you learn anything about us…. You instantly become intrigued and spellbound, and indulge yourself in our perfection. We’ve got you smitten, and we do it in no pursuit other than the same pleasure that men find in picking up women for coddling their egos.

Be forewarned.We never game alone.

Men, I’m telling you this because at a certain point, many of you will have to learn that being a PUA doesn’t do you much justice. Many of you are selective in who you want to date/sleep with too, but perhaps those women are the ones that already know their gaming value. And don’t think you’ll be able to tell those that know that value from those who don’t. We can play off of our “virtues of gentleness and compassion” (Google definition of Womanly) and fake sincerity effortlessly in order to match your latest Pick-Up line.

Women generally don’t “game” alone. We have friends. We have support networks, and we have endless coaching advice from our female counterparts. It’s the Gladiator strategy; you’re stronger when you move together. On the other hand, we’re confident enough to go on several one-on-ones whenever we’re asked because we’re all Maximus Aureliuses.  We don’t doubt our prowess for a second. As professional daters we can also spot other women from afar who are excellent at it, and it is socially polite to acknowledge and compliment them on their capabilities, like two accomplished scientists shaking hands.

Maybe some of you are disappointed, wondering if “visiting my grandmother the past weekend and couldn’t meet you out” or “I’m sorry I’m buried in my latest project tonight“ or “I promised my girlfriends I’d stay in with them tonight” really meant that your latest interest had some other “appointments.” Sure, they’re not always lies, but you’d hardly know, because we’ve created your perfect girl fantasy to where you’d deny any idea of us not being honest with you. The harsh reality is that, unlike all the information out there warning women about male PUAs, there is rarely anything on us.

My best advice to overcome, get over, or be aware of a FPD is to 1, refer to Man Law #68, 2, stop thinking that being a PUA is an act of Man Justice, and 3, keep the first date focus off of yourself and on to the girl from the beginning. She’ll be forced to give you more of her real self instead of studying you, which will challenge her (and she’ll probably find it sexy that you’re interested). Lastly, keep going, keep dating, and don’t scorn a woman or blame women FPDs for crushing your self-esteem. Keep yourself grounded, enjoy your life, and humble yourself. When you find the right girl or she finds you or things just “click” beyond explanation, the game won’t even exist, because in the end both sides win.

Man Law #71 – Embrace Rejection!

January 30, 2010 6 comments

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(Editorial Note: Check out this CNN article of rejection letters received by famous artist and musicians: “From Warhol to Hendrix to boy in love, Rejection Letters Revealed“)

These two words might be the most powerful two words in the entire blog. In my life, I’ve been very fortunate.

This picture has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with rejection, but for the guys out there who are going through one, it should make you feel better. Picture taken from the movie "Bitch Slap". No comment.

I’ve been rejected. A Lot.

Not just by women. Dogs. Cats. Even some trees.

Now, I’m not talking about the face slaps or the ice-in-your-face that you see in the movies type rejection.  I’ve never seen that happen (but if this has happened to you, please send in your story to ethanbishop@unbreakablemanlaws.com). The type of rejection I’m speaking of is the one where you’ve wanted a situation to turn out one way and it turned out different; WAY different.

Earlier in the blog, I posted Man Law #6 which stated that flowers were the kiss of death early on in the courtship. I still believe that. This law wasn’t born out of thin air. While many women agreed that you shouldn’t send flowers too early, other women, particularly European women (i.e. born in Europe) disagreed.  To the American women who stated they liked flowers, I THEN asked them “How many times have you actually gotten serious with a guy who gave you flowers prior to any romantic involvement?”

::crickets::

::more crickets::

Now, here is the story that led to this Law. Realize that this was not one singular event but this was the culmination where I realized that all the Shakespeare, all the Dawsons Creek, all the Wonder Years, had lied to me. Flowers – Just Don’t Do It.

Almost five years ago, I took a weekend trip up to New York to visit a childhood friend of mine I had reconnected with through Facebook. She was now attending Law School and we had decided

This just about sums it up.

to go to one of those “exclusive” Law School parties with students from Columbia and NYU.  There were a ton of beautiful people there and one in particular was a young Dominican girl from Brooklyn.  Now Lawyers and potential Lawyers are dangerous to begin with, but cute, attractive ones are downright deadly.  One thing led to another, by Monday I was home and by that Wednesday, she was my girlfriend.

Pamela Anderson once said “Don’t Get Married on Vacation” and I had done just that.  Needless to say, we parted on good terms, stayed in touch but I still had a thing or two for her. While we were still talking to each other, I ordered flowers through FTD.com to be delivered to her on Valentine’s Day (Also known by the term S.P.A.D, Single People Awareness Day.)  There are hundreds of women that are shaking their heads while they read this because flowers on Valentine’s Day is quite possibly the worst, I repeat, the WORST, thing you can do with someone you are not exclusive with.  Looking back, I really don’t have a clue what I was thinking since I wasn’t going to move to New York and she wasn’t going to drop out of Law School.  But no one was there to tell me otherwise, and what followed is what they don’t show you in the movies.

I won’t get into details of the page long letter she sent me, but what I can tell you is that we have not spoken a WORD since.

Luckily, at that time of my life I had some experience with rejection and I stepped back, recalibrated and got back on my feet again. It took about a week. But there’s been times where it took close to a year before I really felt normal again. In Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins, there is a pretty powerful scene where the father says to Bruce:

“Why do we fall down Bruce?”

“So we learn how to pick ourselves back up.”

And this is even more true with relationships. Getting rejected or hearing the lets just be friends hurts us all but don’t try to conquer it because its going to happen no matter what. The reason why I called this “Embrace Rejection” is because you have to accept that this will happen no matter what and timing and circumstances might be going AGAINST you and have nothing to do with who you are. There are so many reasons why someone might not be on the same page as you are that its pointless to analyze these. If you find yourself constantly rationalizing someones behavior to the positive, chances are you need to pick up your stuff, say “NEXT”, and move on. Don’t let Rejection get the best of you. Step back, Brush the dust off. And learn to get back up. Each time is quicker, faster, and you grow stronger.

Man Law #71 is a condition precedent to Man Law #72 for you 1Ls. Look for it next week!

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