The Unbreakable Man Laws

Ethan’s talked a lot on this blog about what forms of behavior women find attractive in men, and given some great advice to readers on how to maximize those behaviors and make them ingrained.  But the next question is, what are the roots of that attractiveness perceived by women?  In other words, why do women find these behaviors attractive?

"How's a girl supposed to properly accessorize if Apple won't make a bronto-hide iPod cover?" (Raquel Welch in "One Million Years BC")

Perhaps because each of us knows innately what attracts us as men, we don’t think enough about what really attracts   women to men.  This is unfortunate, because what attracts men to women most (physical beauty) is not what primarily attracts women to men.  (Which is lucky for most men… we actually have it way better than the girls.)

Consider:  in 1992, TV Guide ran its annual “Sexiest Man and Woman on Television” survey.  The female winner was Cindy Crawford, then 26 years old, who was hosting House of Style on MTV at the time. The male winner:  Patrick Stewart, who at that time was playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

To which the common response is:  say what?  Most men (certainly) and most women (probably) could understand Cindy Crawford being selected, but Stewart at the time was 53, Lex-Luthor  bald, and not exactly muscular.   How is it that women could find him the Sexiest Man on TV?

The answer:  STATUS.

Assume that our boy-pursues-girl behavior (which is a subset of mating behavior) is bred into us by millions of years of evolution. The 10,000 years or so since we were tribal hunter-gatherers  has not been long enough to re-wire that genetic programming. Thus, we are innately attracted to the same characteristics in the opposite sex as our distant ancestors were. We may have better hygiene, medicine and technology, but despite everything our egos tell us about sophistication and modernity, when it comes to The Merry Chase, we’re really just Cro-Magnons with iPods.

In that environment, to maximize the probability of offspring surviving, women were subconsciously drawn to men who could protect them and their babies.  Because of this programming, which is deep inside the “firmware” programming of the female brain and still in operation, modern women are still attracted to big strong hunks who can throw a spear, provide mastodon meat, and kill the saber-toothed tiger.  But they are EVEN MORE ATTRACTED to the chieftain of the tribe who all those young strapping spear-throwers answer to.  This is why women are (sometimes despite themselves) attracted to powerful men – which in modern society often translates to wealthy men.  It’s NOT about the money – it’s about the STATUS that that man has.  (Remember, back in the 60’s Henry Kissinger dated Jill St. John. That “seductiveness of power” is also why women stay with jerks who abuse them.)

This also explains Stewart’s ranking as the Sexiest Man on TV – women were probably voting for his character, Captain Picard, “chieftain of the Enterprise”.  Picard doesn’t HAVE to be the tallest guy with the best hair, or the best fighter – those guys work for him.  He can simply say, “Number One, Mr. Worf, defend that female while I finish reading MacBeth”, and they answer “Aye, aye, Captain,” and hop to it. A woman who is “the chieftain’s woman” has an army ready to defend her and her babies.  It doesn’t matter that the chieftain’s best days of personally throwing spears are behind him – having a supply of strong young minions to throw dozens of spears is better than that.

This principle is why one of the “Four Signs of a High-Status Male” that AskRomeo discusses in our seminars and bootcamps is being a leader.  Women are uncontrollably drawn to a man in charge.  It doesn’t have to be in a life-or-death situation – merely solving a modern problem of scoring a table in a crowded bar, or getting a bunch of drunks safely home, will gain you points. (However, saving the Earth from an alien invasion would probably work also.)

"You and I are going to be so money with the babes after this." (Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day)

Along the same lines, another of the four signs of a high-status male is being a protector of loved ones.  This is what enables a poor man to still fire a woman’s subliminal “protect me” gene regardless of not ranking high on the modern status-O-meter scale of wealth.  This explains why firefighters – who don’t make a lot of bank, and might even be unpaid volunteers – consistently rank at or near the top of women’s list of the sexiest professions.  Women see a firefighter, and somewhere, probably deep down, something says to her, “That is a man who will run into a burning building to save my babies.”

As readers of the Unbreakable Man Laws know, certain alpha-male behaviors like leadership and (especially) confidence simply work in the boy-pursues-girl environment.  But the reason they work is because they subliminally communicate status.

So, how does the average guy develop social status if you’re not rich, powerful, or talented, or named Kennedy?  The good news is, social status is a phantasm – it’s all in the head.  By that I mean: it’s in your head, their heads, and her head.  To have complete control, you can simply create it.  How do I do that? That’s another post.

(BTW:  according to his bio on Wikipedia, Patrick Stewart’s second wife was 18 years his junior.  After their divorce, he dated a woman 40 years his junior for four years, and now, at age 69, he’s dating a 31-year-old who is younger than his daughter.  And then there’s Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones… Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle… Tiger Woods and a cast of thousands…  Do I need to go on?  Nah.  Didn’t think so.)