Archive for May 31, 2010

Man Law #77 – Never Cross The Streams!

May 31, 2010 7 comments

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Dr. Egon Spengler: There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, “bad”?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That’s bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.” – Ghostbusters, 1984

If there is one thing we can learn from history, its that men will fight over just about anything – especially women.   It’s not hard to understand why this happens.

Fighting over something small starts early...

In fact, I’d place a significant wager, that at any given bar across America, an argument (or fight depending on the neighborhood you’re in) is about to start because one guy talked to the wrong girl at the wrong time.

All could have been “avoided” if these men agreed to the simple principle of “Never Crossing the Streams.”

What do I mean by “Crossing the Streams”, you ask?

I’ll tell you.

You find yourself at a club, bar, house party, and you are having a good time relaxing with your friends. There are women around BUT nothing jumps out at you.

Then she walks in – 5’9 slender, athletic, confi-de Le Blanc (Pronounced: “Con-fay-day-le blahnk“), hips swinging like a pendulum. Immediately, all your buddies stand at attention, puff out their chest, and the conversation goes quiet. No communication is needed because you ALL turn to look at each other and think the same thing. Now to the women reading this, I’m going to tell you a little secret. Contrary to popular belief, the first thought that goes through a guy’s head when he is standing with his buddies and sees an extremely attractive woman, is not the following:

“What an amazingly beautiful woman whose mere presence has just lightened my life and made it that much better. How can I marry this woman who stands before me and cherish her for eternity?”

Instead, its more along the lines of the following:

I’d f**k her.” and looks to his friends as they all nod their heads in tacit simultaneous agreement.

I’m sure this is an evolutionary thing passed down from our cave man ancestors but our basic impulses are pretty simple.  Tarzan want Jane.  Real Basic. Real Primal.

You want the women fighting over YOU...Not the other way around.

Tarzan, however, didn’t have a ton of competition.  We do. Now here is where its inevitable that you do what 95% of guys do NOT do in this situation –  someone needs to call it. If these are your boys or even a group of strangers you just met, you don’t want to let them get between you and your buddies.    When you don’t tell your boys to stand down, you run into problems down the road when you find out that all three of you friend requested her on Facebook and each of you is asking her out independently.  This is “Crossing the Streams” and you’ll blow yourselves out.  From her perspective, she can’t date ALL of you at once.  She could do that of course but then you would think less of her. Your boys can be your greatest wingmen as they should always be, but they can also be your greatest cockblock.  Like calling SHOTGUN in a car, dibs, or even fives, someone has to call it – whose going to approach her, talk to her and with any luck – seduce her.  If your buddy goes for it, crashes and burns, then its fair game. He gave it his best.

This is where you all will have to man up and likely enter a “Gentlemen’s Agreement.” Winston Churchill states that you should never give up except in the case of honor and integrity. This is one of those times. Its inevitable that while she may be the hottest thing in the room at the moment, there will be someone else at the next party you go to AND you will be first in line.  If one of your friends is really gunning for her, then be the bigger man and let him have it.  Becoming Unbreakable means letting that which does not matter slide. Be his wingman by telling her how awesome your buddy is and  wish them the best of luck!

There are plenty of fish in the sea, don’t steal from your friends boat!

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