Archive for June, 2010

Man Law #79 – Anything You Say Can and WILL Be Used Against You…

June 23, 2010 7 comments

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“You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.

Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

-Originally spoken at Wedding Ceremonies to the Groom

European Police Woman

Of course, getting arrested might not be ALL that bad...

Now women don’t go about reading you these rights at the beginning of a relationship, but it sure would make things a whole lot easier if they did! Dating a woman is a lot like entering a verbal contract with the law.  As soon as the two of you start seeing each other more seriously, a mental list is set up in her head. If you violate anything on this list, she checks this off and puts it in a category called “Things I’m going to change.” At this point, it’s safe to say that you’ve passed all of the “Red Flags From Last Night ,” however, your job is FAR from over. In fact, in many ways, it is only the beginning. Just because you’ve been admitted, doesn’t mean you’ll graduate! Common items that she’ll note on her list:

If you have a habit of wearing two different colored/styled socks. Check.

If you love wearing shirts that went out of style in the 70s. Check.

If your dance moves look like they were stolen from Napoleon Dynamite. Check.

If you have a habit of saying things and not following through with them. Check. Check. RED FLAG. RED ALERT. Man your stations.

And its this last item that is the subject of this Unbreakable Man Law.

Right from the start of the courtship process, you need to make absolutely sure you don’t promise anything that you know you cannot deliver. If you promised her an all expense paid round world trip exactly 384 days from the day that you  first met her, you better be sure  that on the 384th day, your ass is at the airport. Don’t think for a second that just because you were drunk at 3:45am in the morning when you said it that she would forget. She won’t.

In fact, a lot of women have such good memory when it comes to these sorts of things, that she’ll repeat verbatim something you said 3-4 years ago.   It’s like a cruel “Jedi Mind Trick.” Women are so good at this that a lot of them can convince you of saying things you really didn’t! Observe.

Girl: “Hey Johnny, remember when you said you’d take me to Barbados?”

Guy: “What? I never said that! ”  (Denying it makes you look guilty already, better to keep quiet and give her the blank stare until she continues)

Girl: “Yes, you did. It was on our 4th date –  June 21, 2003, when you took me to Ben and Jerry’s after the baseball game. We were driving down 35th Street, had just passed Macy’s on our right and out of nowhere you said ‘I’m taking you to Barbados’ “

Guy: “I did?”

Girl: “Yes. You did.”

Guy: “I guess I did…really?”

Girl: “YESSSS!” (raises voice, crosses her arms and acts annoyed)

At this point, its over with. She’s already got you where she wants you.

Guy: “I guess I’m taking you to Barbados then…”

Girl: “You’re right!”

Gentlemen, for those of you staring around looking confused, don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. This is why its important to remember “Anything you say can and WILL be used against you.” You can easily solve this by only promising small things at the beginning and following up with them. If you say you’ll take her out to dinner next week, then FOLLOW through with it because she will NOT forget. She’ll just think “He said he was going to take me out to dinner on Friday, and its Wednesday, and he hasn’t said anything. I hope he doesn’t think I forgot.”
Here is an easy way to be a hero and really shine through, make the reservations on Tuesday and set it in stone.  If you build up enough times of stating things that you follow through with, missing once or twice won’t knock you out of the ball park. You will now have a HISTORY of past instances that you can build off on and that is one of the most powerful things you can bring to a relationship. Integrity. He does what he says he’s going to do – 99.9% of the time!

Man Law#78 – “Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing…”

June 8, 2010 6 comments

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“I remember making a long list of what I wanted in someone—and I lost the list, but I found the guy,” – Sigourney Weaver (In the article “A Force of Nature,”  Parade Magazine, 11/29/2009)

Write the name of this picture down Gentlemen, because every woman you date will likely know it - "Le Baiser de L'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950" by Robert Doisneau

Life is action. Too many of us strive to wait until conditions are absolutely perfect before making a move. Whether it’s in regards to relationships and being extremely selective with who we date to making a choice that requires us to take a chance for once in our life. We are expected to make mistakes along the way while we figure out who we are and what to do with ourselves.  The key is that we cannot be afraid to make a move in the first place. Go Forward. Get Moving. Take a Chance. The plane is going to take off whether you are at the airport or not.

Nature has a funny way of showing us the path we need to follow. Often, when we are NOT looking for something, that very thing will fall into our lap. We don’t even realize that the answer is right there in front of us.  The second we stop wondering if we are there yet – we’ve arrived. Are you looking for millions of dollars to appear tomorrow on your doorstep? Here is one dollar to start you off, lets see what you can do with it. Make it a million. That’s nature.

I’m not a huge believer in soul mates. I believe that if you find someone that makes you happy, you should give it a chance and see where it goes. Just because he or she does not meet your laundry list of requirements, does not mean that person is not right for you.

Although this may be hard to believe, anytime I meet someone to whom I am extremely attracted, I’ve taught myself to just take it slow. This is very different from failing to act or pursuing this person. It’s so easy for us to meet someone we’re attracted to and think we’re in love when we don’t know that person at all and are instead infatuated with the idea of her. I have very rarely seen someone and immediately thought – she’s the one. Only after meeting with her for weeks/months do I wake up one day and literally say to myself:

“Holy shit, I think I love this person.”

Enjoy The Moment.

However, as a young lad, I would frequently go through a period of what guys commonly refer to as “dryspells.” While women make claims this happens to them too, for men this is not a choice. During this time period, anything with a pulse is fair game.  The second any woman showed the slightest bit of interest. Love struck.
In high school, we didn’t use unmanly terms like “love”, so we replaced it with “like.” While all men are different, it has been my experience that the vast majority of guys have a hard time determining how they feel at any given moment.  Although the guy knows that he feels something, its sometimes a challenge for him to verbally communicate this to others. For example, guys receive the following advice from upper classmen like I did:

Joe Freshman: “I think I like this girl in Bio. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
John Upperclassman:”Woooahhhh…Slow down buddy. Here’s what you do. A good way of telling if you really like someone is to jerk off. If you are still thinking about the same person after your done…son, well you may be in love.”

— What?? —

Luckily, I’ve learned through experience and over time, that there are better indicators of love than the advice John Upperclassman had bestowed on me. Too often people look at love as a final destination, when they really should see it as a life long journey.

Ladies and Gents, don’t hold out waiting for some mythical person that may never arrive. Go out, live each day and be open to new experiences.  Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing so when you DO find that person that makes you happy. Enjoy it.  Live each day like it will be your last, and never take each other for granted.

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