The Unbreakable Man Laws

“You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.

Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

-Originally spoken at Wedding Ceremonies to the Groom

Of course, getting arrested might not be ALL that bad...

Now women don’t go about reading you these rights at the beginning of a relationship, but it sure would make things a whole lot easier if they did! Dating a woman is a lot like entering a verbal contract with the law.  As soon as the two of you start seeing each other more seriously, a mental list is set up in her head. If you violate anything on this list, she checks this off and puts it in a category called “Things I’m going to change.” At this point, it’s safe to say that you’ve passed all of the “Red Flags From Last Night ,” however, your job is FAR from over. In fact, in many ways, it is only the beginning. Just because you’ve been admitted, doesn’t mean you’ll graduate! Common items that she’ll note on her list:

If you have a habit of wearing two different colored/styled socks. Check.

If you love wearing shirts that went out of style in the 70s. Check.

If your dance moves look like they were stolen from Napoleon Dynamite. Check.

If you have a habit of saying things and not following through with them. Check. Check. RED FLAG. RED ALERT. Man your stations.

And its this last item that is the subject of this Unbreakable Man Law.

Right from the start of the courtship process, you need to make absolutely sure you don’t promise anything that you know you cannot deliver. If you promised her an all expense paid round world trip exactly 384 days from the day that you  first met her, you better be sure  that on the 384th day, your ass is at the airport. Don’t think for a second that just because you were drunk at 3:45am in the morning when you said it that she would forget. She won’t.

In fact, a lot of women have such good memory when it comes to these sorts of things, that she’ll repeat verbatim something you said 3-4 years ago.   It’s like a cruel “Jedi Mind Trick.” Women are so good at this that a lot of them can convince you of saying things you really didn’t! Observe.

Girl: “Hey Johnny, remember when you said you’d take me to Barbados?”

Guy: “What? I never said that! ”  (Denying it makes you look guilty already, better to keep quiet and give her the blank stare until she continues)

Girl: “Yes, you did. It was on our 4th date –  June 21, 2003, when you took me to Ben and Jerry’s after the baseball game. We were driving down 35th Street, had just passed Macy’s on our right and out of nowhere you said ‘I’m taking you to Barbados’ “

Guy: “I did?”

Girl: “Yes. You did.”

Guy: “I guess I did…really?”

Girl: “YESSSS!” (raises voice, crosses her arms and acts annoyed)

At this point, its over with. She’s already got you where she wants you.

Guy: “I guess I’m taking you to Barbados then…”

Girl: “You’re right!”

Gentlemen, for those of you staring around looking confused, don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. This is why its important to remember “Anything you say can and WILL be used against you.” You can easily solve this by only promising small things at the beginning and following up with them. If you say you’ll take her out to dinner next week, then FOLLOW through with it because she will NOT forget. She’ll just think “He said he was going to take me out to dinner on Friday, and its Wednesday, and he hasn’t said anything. I hope he doesn’t think I forgot.”
Here is an easy way to be a hero and really shine through, make the reservations on Tuesday and set it in stone.  If you build up enough times of stating things that you follow through with, missing once or twice won’t knock you out of the ball park. You will now have a HISTORY of past instances that you can build off on and that is one of the most powerful things you can bring to a relationship. Integrity. He does what he says he’s going to do – 99.9% of the time!