Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of The Textual Revolution
(Editorial Note: Be sure to read the first post in this series, The Art of Text, Part I )
Love it or Hate it, the TEXT is here to stay. The textual revolution marks the rise of the TEXT message as an integral step in the courtship process… The revolution is happening NOW. Many women continue to refuse to accept the text message as a part of dating. These women think that by not responding to text messages and only accepting phone calls they are screening out men who only want one thing. Yes, there are definitely men out there who are not interested in anything serious, however, this can not be determined through a text OR a phone call.
In fact, it’s even more surprising to hear from women that the guy who called the next day after they met him, they are NOT interested in because he seems TOO interested… By not accepting text as a way of communicating, women are limiting great guys who might simply lead busy lives. Many of these guys are not opposed to calling on the phone; they are opposed to wasting their time. I view the ability to text as an early screening method. Regardless of where the relationship progresses, a woman who I can easily respond to through text message IS a woman I would be interested in dating seriously. Simple as that. For those of us with full-time professional jobs, graduate school and a host of other activities and responsibilities, a lengthy daily phone call with someone who “just might” be interested is simply too time consuming. Because of my schedule, any woman who only responds to phone calls is simply too high maintenance. To a man, a woman is an investment. Why should he invest in a company that might not be there tomorrow? And for that matter, would anyone tell him the company no longer existed?
To this, I say, do not start off calling the person of interest right from the start. If things work out, sure, you may end up having longer phone conversations, otherwise, I limit it to text and face-to-face time. Many married couples in the work place are now relying on text to stay in touch with each other as opposed to locking themselves in the office and talking with their spouses throughout the workday.
Those of you that plan on maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex in the 21st century need to simply get used to the fact that TEXT is here to stay… At the time of the posting of this article a little less than a year ago(11/2008) , over 75 Billion Text Messages were being sent EACH MONTH and this number is rising. (See: http://www.cellsigns.com/industry.shtml )
We think its safe to assume that 65 billion of these messages were sexually related in nature…
When you meet someone new, use text to flirt, and a CALL to schedule dates. A few short flirty texts back and forth with her, followed by a “I will call you later” (and don’t be too specific on time, you have things to do like your life) will do wonders for landing a future date. A woman who demands that you call her constantly at the start of the courtship process is simply too much trouble for the busy schedule you are hopefully maintaining.
Upon interviewing a few gentlemen for this post, there was a mixture of responses for HOW they keep in touch with women after meeting them initially. All of them included some variation of texting; however, whether to CALL first or to TEXT first seems like an personal choice. Some preferred to call the woman for a short conversation first and then text her afterwards. It’s been his experience that women tend to respond by texting anyways after they’ve gone out a few times. Other men simply texted first and later called to schedule a date to make plans.
From a woman’s perspective, she has given her number out to guys before who have never contacted her. She won’t know who it is when you text or call…So instead of a specific line, construct a text message that contains the following in some form or fashion:
- Your name.
- Something unique about the conversation/interaction that she had with YOU…
With this in mind, there seem to be a few universal rules to texting that most people agree on:
- Match her text. 1:1. If she sends a text, send a single text to respond…AT MOST send two texts; however anything more than that can be judged as needy and for a complete stranger that has no history with her, possibly too much.
- Notice her Response Time and Match it. Typically, the faster she gets back to you, the higher her interest level. Some women like to challenge guys that they really like by PURPOSELY making him wait for a response. This is all FINE and dandy, but gentlemen, don’t hold your breath waiting for a response that may never happen. If she doesn’t get back to you within a 24 hour period to any message, place her on the “flake” list. I’ve noticed that there seems to be a strong correlation between those who are flakes and those who take longer than a few hours to respond.
- Keep text light, fun, flirty, and save the serious conversations for in person after the two of you have gone out more than a few times…
Sites DEVOTED to the text are popping up as we speak. Arguably the most popular is Text From Last Night. Updated on a daily, if not hourly basis, sites like these can be inspirational for developing a unique and clever text tailored to the girl you are pursuing. As a general rule, stay away from crude messages at the beginning and even if you are going out with the person. Text, as well as all electronic communication, are KNOWN for being misinterpreted. Save the crudeness for in person when you can read her reaction and her body signals. Plus, she will appreciate that you are in striking distance if it’s really raunchy…
Nick Bradshaw sent me the following TEXT vs CALLING opener he uses in social situations. I liked it so much that I thought I’d include it in this post. This specific example is one he uses when out, however, whether or not its to meet a new group of women or amongst your friends, it’s a great conversational topic…
You: “Hey can you ladies give me your opinion? (rhetorical) Me and my buddy have been over here in a heated debate, and we really need a woman’s perspective.”
Girl(s): “Yeah sure.” (Already annoyed that you’re bothering her(them))
You: We’re trying to figure out what the best way to contact a woman after you meet her. Let’s just say hypothetically that we (pointing to one of the girls’ meet and we’re both attracted to one another. We exchange information, phone number, FB, whatever… Is it better to call? Or is it better to text? Ya see I’m a (here’s where you pick one of the options) “text” guy and my buddy is a “call” guy.” What do you ladies prefer?”
(Nick Bradshaw Editorial Note: This is where ALL women are receptive to this. They have all been in this situation and they will feel as though it is their womanly duty to school a male on how to properly interact with a woman)
Girl: “Oh you definitely want to [call/text] first. That’s what shows initiative but it’s not creepy.”
(Nick Bradshaw Commentary: The thing that’s so beautiful about this is that it’s non-threatening, but you’ve actually already opened up a way to get the girl(s) phone number. You can run it out as long as you want. Basically going over why you think it’s better to call or text. It’s even more fun if there are 2 girls and one girl prefers to be called and the other prefers to be texted. It pits them against one another and allows (if you’re running it with 2 guys) to split them up and start individual conversations.)
Until next time, keep sending in your comments or if you’d like to be interviewed for the Art of Text, Part III, shoot me a message at email@example.com. This is Ethan Bishop, over and out.