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Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part I.


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(Editorial Note: Unlike previous Laws, Man Theory, will be a series of one or more essays dealing with a single issue.  This first theory is on TEXTING versus CALLING. Be sure to check out the sequel post The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of the Textual Revolution.)

Women, The reason why he doesn’t call: “It’s not you…its your voicemail!

Most men do NOT call for this simple reason – Voice Mail. It is recorded evidence and from past experience, your message might be scrutinized by not only the woman you were trying to reach but her girl friends, guy friends, and just about anyone in the vicinity (including waiters and random strangers on the bus). We know this because its happened to us…

Female Friend: “Hahaha, listen to the message this loser left me…”

Guy: “Oh…ha…ha”.

Or worse things can happen such as this real life situation where a guy left quite possibly the worst message in voice mail history and not only did the woman keep the message, she recorded it and posted it on a blog (listen at your own risk!):

The Reason Some Girls Stay Single

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

Ladies, to a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Men generally appreciate text messages from women. To a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Now this tends to be funny for most women, but as a general rule, if for some reason the woman does not call the guy back, the guy has NO recourse. If he contacts her again after leaving a message he’s either a stalker, overly-interested, or creepy.  Many women do NOT check their voicemail and yes, I know that YOU personally always check your voicemail…however, many “other” women wait for their voicemails to build up and simply delete them all at once or put it in their heads to call the guy back.  What happens is that when a woman does not immediately call the guy back (“Oh, I’ll call him when I get home from my pedi“), the longer she waits, the less likely she is to call. After a certain number of days past, even if she wants to call the guy back, many times she won’t because she feels like the guy will be mad… Now ladies,  when you don’t answer either because you are not by your phone or for any another reason, it forces the guy to make the best of 3 awkward decisions:

1. Keep Calling and don’t leave messages.

2. Call, Leave a Message, and Wait for your response

3. Call, Leave a Message, and Text.

Each of these choices, is awkward and uncomfortable. Thus, our prayers were answered…the TEXT was invented…the best thing to happen to men in the last 10 years… No longer are we forced to wonder if she received the message or not. We know she did. It’s a low, no pressure way of getting in touch with someone.

Now, a lot of women LOVE to talk on the phone with their friends…But that is just it… A man that is “pursuing” you, is not a friend…or at least not yet. If a man spends too much time on the phone with you, and not asking you out, women subconsciously place him in the friend zone.

Women, which would you rather have…flirtatious text multiple times a day, or no contact with you and a weekly hour phone call where he may or may not ask you out at the end? After an hour long conversation, in most cases, he will not feel any closer to you and may even question the point of asking you out or meeting up with you! Is the point of going out to get closer or to get physical?

Texting is a new phenomenon to both men and women.  Never before in the history of the world has “TEXTING”   even been an option when dealing with male and female relationships. While e-mail and instant message might be the grandparents and parents, respectively, the TEXT has broken new boundaries and thrown both men and women for a loop when it comes to social interactions. Women have thus written off TEXTing as a substandard way of communicating with each other…Many women think to themselves once receiving a text from a potential guy “What? No Call?!? He’s done…”

After speaking with many women on this issue, it is obvious to them, that a phone call is a sign of interest and that if a man does not call within the first few days of meeting that many women view this as an insult.

Women, nothing could be further from the truth.

Unless talking for a specific purpose, a typical conversation between a man and another man goes like this:

Precondition: Bill and Andy went to the same college and haven’t spoken in years. Randomly, Bill is in town and calls up Andy. Here is a sample of how that conversation might go:

Bill: “Hey Andy…dude…I’m just in town for the weekend…want to grab a drink?”

Andy: “Dude, no problem…lets hit up this new bar Night and Ice around 11..”

Bill: “Cool. I’m down”

Andy: “Cool, call me at 10:45 for directions. Later bro”

Bill: “Later Kid.”

When men communicate, it’s generally for one of two things…its to relay instructions OR to seek advice. They must have a specific PURPOSE to why they called…For a man to call up another man, just to TALK, he risk wasting the other man’s time… For instance…

George: “Hey Andy, how’s it going?”

Andy: “Just fine George…How can I help you?”

George: “No reason, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “You What?”

George: “You know, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “Don’t ever call me again George…you live across the street…if you want to talk just stop by”.

I, for one, am not a fan of talking on the phone.  I’d easily place 90% of the calls I receive to be work related or something that someone wants me to do for them…Think about it…does your boss TEXT you to do something, or CALL you?  Text is somewhat reserved for people you have a casual,no-pressure relationship with which is exactly where you want to start off when you first start seeing someone…

Homework Assignment: Women, check out this book: Flirtexting

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

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  1. Anonymous
    September 23, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    Great post. This happened to me just the other day. I called a girl and she didn’t pick up. So i took the plunge and actually left a message. Then she texted me back like 2 minutes later. I didn’t respond, and she followed up with a 2-page email. I have no idea how to communicate with women anymore. It’s like trying to Speak Russian in Chinese.

    -Brother Roberts

  2. September 23, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Whether women or men want to admit to it or not, technology has changed how we interact with the opposite sex. Even social networking sites and VIRTUAL games have resulted in marriages and divorce based on something purely virtual…in the online “Second Life” games wives have “caught” their husbands cheating in a virtual world with another virtual woman and have gotten divorced with them in real life. Check this out: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1085412/Revealed-The-woman-Second-Life-divorce–whos-engaged-web-cheat-shes-met.html

  3. Stephanie Murguia
    September 25, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Text = no. Call = yes. 🙂

    • March 30, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      That’s a well-tohghut-out answer to a challenging question

  4. Elle
    October 15, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    I’m a huge fan of texting when I meet someone new. Just like you mentioned, I don’t have time to spend chatting away with someone who may not be a good match for me. I think one phone call is necessary to discuss the details of the date.

    Textflirting is so much fun but guys don’t get carried away! For example I met this guy a few weeks ago and we’ve been texting fun stuff like what’s your favorite food and favorite restaurant. He asked me what my most sexy outfit was and I asked him the same question. Then he asked me if my bra and underwear match. I felt that was a bit personal considering we had met in a business setting.
    I avoided the question but he kept asking me and I kept avoiding his questions but he kept asking even when I tried to change the subject. I finally managed to successfully change the subject but a day later he texted me ” you never answered my question, are they matching?” OMG. I consulted my cabinet of girlfriends and they all agreed with me..CREEPY!! Needless to say, I canceled the date.
    You can write the most innocent and simple thing but add a 😉 and it’s flirtatious or say something that could be innocent but may be naughty so it keeps the girl guessing but doesn’t creep her out! I have an example so this guy who I have a crush on sent me a text on my birthday that said “Happy Birthday! Wish I could be there to give you some birthday spankings <;)" Now there is a date I would NEVER cancel. It's flirtatious but it has a double meaning so it's not creepy, make sense?
    -Elle

    • Anonymous
      September 9, 2015 at 8:34 am

      Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder. Note that in the second example, you said “a guy I have a crush on” if matching bra and panties guy would have offered you birthday spankings you would have been just as creeped out. I’ve learned that two guys could say the exact same thing, the exact same way but a woman’s attraction level places him in the category of what women consider creepy, not that the guy was really creepy at all.

  1. October 6, 2009 at 5:15 pm
  2. October 28, 2009 at 9:14 pm
  3. October 28, 2009 at 9:22 pm
  4. December 21, 2009 at 10:33 am

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