Home > culture, dating, fun, health, humor, Life, love, Man Law, Relationships, Women > Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101

Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101


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A few weeks ago, I posted the popular “Art of Text, Part I”.  To this day, it remains the single most popular post on the blog.  In it, I cited the recently released book Flirtexting by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. These girls have been taking the world by storm with their new book and appeared on the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago (You can watch the full interview on their site Flirtexting.com). Through word of mouth and a bit of six degrees of separation, the blog came to their attention. After many weeks of courtship, love letters and flower sending, I was finally able to track down Debra and she agreed to an interview.Debra is a force to be reckoned with, forming her own personal shopping company, Fern Estelle, that has dressed some of the hottest

Debra Goldstein

Ms. Debra Goldstein

A-list Celebs in Hollywood,  it’s clear that she has some serious game. After speaking with these two girls and reading their book, it dawned on me that they are really teaching “Text-Defense for Women.” Guys are going to use whatever tools at their disposal to get the girl. The text is simply the latest and greatest in our arsenal. What Debra and Olivia have done is give a framework for how women should respond to a clueless guy who has forgotten that the cell phone can STILL place calls.  Texting is not a replacement for phone calling… It is another way of getting to know someone and feeling them out in a way that is very low-pressure and is exactly where most guys want to start off…So unless you are still using a typewriter to schedule your dates, I suggest you read up!

Without further ado…

Ethan: You meet a hot guy at a bar on Saturday…You give him your contact information and you totally dig him. How do you feel when a guy Facebook Friends you the next day verses texting or calling? For instance, when I asked other woman about a guy who phonecalls the next day…they ALL described this guy as overly eager and this usually translated into loser and they became not-interested.  Texting is my personal method of choice, but it seems that texting and Facebook friend request are now the next step in the “courtship” process in the information age.  How do you feel about this?

DebLiv2TEXT

Deb and Liv

Debra: We all know that when we meet someone we like, the first thing we do is google them or ask them to be our friend on Facebook. It’s a mixture of curiosity and taking precaution that makes us want a little bit more info before putting ourselves out there. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Because lets face it, if a new guy Facebook’s me and I see in his photos that he always wears V-Neck t-shirts, gels his hair, and lists Brokeback Mountain as his favorite movie, I know in advance that this relationship is not going to work. Yes, judging a book by its cover is wrong, but we all do it. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the Facebook sea.

Ethan: What do you think of guys who ASK you out on dates through text? Some women don’t mind while others that I’ve asked call this LAME. I, personally, reserve flirting for text messaging and CALL to plan dates…

Debra: In the world of dating I have found that finding a person who you have a special connection with comes far and few between. In a way, I am glad for this because it makes finding that person and those relationships that much more special. You know it when you see it. So when I give a guy my number and he chooses to “text me out” instead of asking me out over a telephone call, what that does is shows me where he stands and where he sees this relationship going…which is, not very far. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that this guy doesn’t see as much potential in having a serious relationship with me as a guy who decides to call me to ask me out. Knowing that is key! NOW with younger couples (i.e.: only dated after text) a guy who truly likes a girl might just text her first because he grew up in the age of Flirtexting and its all he knows. Be aware of this if you are under 21.

Ethan: From your past experiences, what has been the BEST text you’ve received and why? Describe the components of the BPT (Best Possible Text) that a guy should follow to get you out on a date with him after only meeting him once? Dos and Dont’s…

Debra: Guys need to be aware that their initial Flirtext to a girl is so important that we call it their “second first impression.” Where as before we judge guys by their “package”, today we judge guys by their “flirtexts”. Therefore their initial initial flirtext needs to be well thought out and perfect. The components in a perfect initial flirtext are as follows:

DebLiv6TEXT

Deb and TUI

1. Never ask a girl out in your initial flirtext. You need to feel out if she actually likes you or if she just gave you her number so that you would leave her alone.

2. Bring up something that happened when you met or poke fun of something the two of you talked about. This will A) Trigger her memory as to who you are and B) Show her that you are thoughtful, clever, and a good listener.

3. Say something funny. Every girl lists “funny” as one of the top three qualities she looks for in a man. Make her laugh and you are on the right path to that first date.

For further information, be sure to follow Flirtexting on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/flirtexting)  and be sure to check out their website (www.flirtexting.com)

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  1. Anonymous
    October 28, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    This post may have just saved my dating life. Awesome.

    -Brother Roberts

  2. October 29, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Very cool you scored these two do an interview with, congrats!

    • October 30, 2009 at 7:29 pm

      They were great to work with and super professional!

  3. chz
    October 29, 2009 at 11:33 am

    In an age where we are given 160 characters (god forbid we go over that and end up sending 2 texts), i’d have to say I am really going to need to work on my flirt diction. I think women like it because it cuts through the bull shit and arrives straight to the point. Men have no fluff to save themselves. Then again I think women were always better with fluff… I’m confusing myself. anyways, great advice.

    • October 29, 2009 at 11:54 am

      That’s an excellent point, chz. Think of it as if you are making a “Trailer” to a movie in 160 characters or less. You have one text to MAKE that person want to go see that movie (starring: YOU!). So you have to make it count – build mystery, intrigue, fun, uniqueness all into a single text that will send the person on the receiving into a heart-pumping frenzy!

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  1. December 21, 2009 at 10:32 am
  2. December 22, 2009 at 12:04 am
  3. February 14, 2010 at 11:02 am

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