Archive

Archive for September, 2009

Man Law #52 – Maintain a Cabinet

September 29, 2009 4 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Since the dawn of the United States of America, the elected President has always maintained a cabinet of Senior Elected Officials. These officials are experts in their field and give the President advice, differing perspective, arguments and a course of action.

You shall be no different.

This might look like a picture of President Kennedy after he was elected...its not, he was planning his marriage to Jackie...

This might look like a picture of President Kennedy after he was elected...its not, he was planning his marriage to Jackie...

Think of your cabinet as your group of personally elected Officials who represent expertise in a certain area that you might seek to grow in – be it finances, sports, women, career or a personal hobby.  Unlike the Cabinet shown in the picture, these positions can and should be filled with both males and females that you trust. These guys are in your corner and rooting for you. You respect and appreciate the opinions of the people in your cabinet and despite not always agreeing with them, you trust their insight.

President Kennedy is renowned for consulting his advisers in times of crisis. Regardless of your political affiliation, the idea of a Presidential Cabinet was recognized as a very smart thing to have.  In the movie, Thirteen Days, President Kennedy maintained close contact with his younger brother Robert Kennedy  (U.S. Attorney General) and Kenny O’Donnell (Special Assistant to the President) who he met with to discuss such issues as the Cuban Missile Crisis. We can only hope that pursuing the woman you met at the bar last week is not as serious,  however, planning a good second date with someone who might be your future wife – just may be!

Whilst taking in the opinion of your cabinet, you want to retain the ability to make the executive decision. You need to be aware that at first, if you are in an area where you are a complete amateur, you want to listen to those who have expertise. However, do not fall victim to blindly following and listening to every piece of advice they give. Maintain a critical eye.  They may not know all of the little pieces of information that you deemed unimportant yet might be essential to making a wise decision.

If we are not careful, the more confident we grow the less likely we are to ASK people for help, advice, assistance, etc.  This turns into cockiness which to both men and women is deathly in relationships. Both men and women are victims of acting too cocky or assuming that they should not have to seek out help or advice.  Men are notoriously known for doing this and this is a fault that could prove disastrous.  You always want to have a group of people who you trust, YET retain the ability to listen to your own inner voice and trust your instinct.

Many women expect you to act DECISIVELY when you deal with them…they find this characteristic in men to be extremely attractive.  While acting decisively will be discussed at a later time, many men need to be familiar with how a woman might present a situation where she expects YOU to make the decision. She won’t verbally tell you to decide, she’ll simply run down fifteen different options which will drive you insane since this behavior is baffling to most men…Maintain a Cabinet and retain the ability to make the Executive Decision…

Man Law #51 – Negotiate a Relationship like you Negotiate a Salary, State your Boundaries and Never Settle for Less than You’re Worth.

September 27, 2009 1 comment

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

It’s imperative when you first start dating someone new that you set certain boundaries for what you are willing and not willing to do.   These boundaries don’t need to be set in rock solid stone, however, its been my experience that if you find yourself compromising over and over and you tend to get the shorter end of the stick, than this is not a woman you want to get involved with. Think of a boundary as an invisible fence – she doesn’t need to know exactly where it is,  she just needs to know if she crosses it.  The men that have no boundaries will find that they are too often put into the friend zone when dating women.  These are the guys that she is interested in at first, and quickly realizes that she can walk all over, thus losing any attractiveness to the guy that she once had.  Despite any games she may play with you to test these boundaries, you need to retain your composure, reinforce the surrounding perimeter, and if necessary, walk from the deal…

An attractive woman might attempt to strong arm your interactions. She might try to  state the conditions that she will go out with you. It's for this reason that you need to keep cool, and walk from a deal if its clear you are on the losing end...

An attractive woman might attempt to strong arm your interactions. She might try to state the conditions that she will go out with you. It's for this reason that you need to keep cool, and walk from a deal if its clear you are on the losing end...

It’s alright if she expects to be treated like a Queen, but you better be sure that she is treating YOU as the King. And most likely, she’s not treating you any different than all the other guys that meet her initially, especially at first and she has nothing invested in the relationship. Its for this very reason that you need to take things slowly  especially with respect to your finances, and not spend a lot of money on her with hopes of impressing her. Think of each week that passes by as an increase in the amount you are willing to spend on her.    She will be more impressed by your ingenuity and resourcefulness in planning a date rather than the AMOUNT that you spend on it.  The enjoyment the two of you experience together needs to be independent of the amount of money you find yourself spending.

While this law applies to men just as easily as to women, I find that far too often a guy will overly compensate for a woman he likes and as a result, she will lose interest and either keep him on a rotation of men that she is currently dating without really “elevating” him above the pack OR worse (and yes, this always seems to be the case), throws him in the Friend Zone. An excellent example is a movie I saw last week after years and years of women saying that I should read the book and/or see the movie,  “He’s Just Not That Into You“. Many of us know people who have had dating/relationship encounters such as the ones that occur in the movie.  Scarlett Johannson’s character plays a woman who is infatuated with a married man. Even though she KNOWS he is in a relationship, this only increases his attractiveness to her. Meanwhile, she finds a guy that she used to date , Conor Barry, who is portrayed as a successful Real Estate man and would potentially be a more sustainable and compatible partner,  as unsuitable and no matter how hard he tries, she just is not that into him. After realizing her infatuation with the married man will never go anywhere, she (reluctantly?) relents to Conor’s advances, and becomes his girlfriend.   She ultimately uses Conor to fill in the gaps while the guy she actually likes is attempting to form (or maintain a life with his wife depending on your viewpoint) .  In the end,  she relegates Conor to the friend zone after he hoped to have her move in with him to a house he was planning to buy.  Tough Break Conor.

Just about all of us have had the shades pulled over our eyes when we were seriously attracted to someone…We saw what we wanted to see.  When we really like someone,  he/she could do just about anything and we will rationalize it over and over.  We’ll most likely downplay the signs of non-interest, and exaggerate the signs of interest.   In almost any and every situation where I have questioned signs of non-interest to the extent that I sought out another person’s interpretation, these relationships did not work out. How far she stretches you out of your comfort zone is directly proportional to how hard the breakup will be for you in the end.

It’s for that reason that you need to set certain boundaries right from the start…It doesn’t mean black and white, take it or leave it, it simply means that if a compromise to her is 80/20…and you are the 20, you need to cut your losses and move on. You’ll be happier you left the situation and more than likely, your buddies have been telling you this all along and you simply didn’t want to realize it. If you find yourself consistently compromising your own well being in order to satisfy her, than cut your losses, move on and never settle for less than you are worth….

Man Law #50 – If you’re going to walk, Walk with Purpose…

September 24, 2009 2 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Women love men of action. Something about a confident and purposeful man can be extremely attractive to a woman.  Your confidence is conveyed through posture and walking is no different. She can get a sense of your confidence through your body language, whether you slouch your shoulders, or look down at the floor, these will all lead her to form a general impression of you.  When you are walking with purpose, an onlooker won’t be able to tell if you are going up to receive an award from the President, or going down the hallway to the bathroom, you just have a look that you know what you are doing… If you have a plan, it allows her to think for herself and not worry about you, which she may do if she feels that you are leading yourself astray.   If you are focused on achieving a goal, a supportive woman will encourage your efforts.  She will be the “President and CEO of your Fan Club”. She will have your goals in mind and your best interest in heart.  Of course — in the same way, you should be supportive of her goals and interests.

A Confident Walk is a Confident Mind.

A Confident Walk is a Confident Mind.

In the age of information overload, it is necessary to stay focused on your priorities.  When you wake up you need a plan of attack. Make a plan of action every day. Don’t focus too much on low-level details and how you will get there — a simple plan is enough to set the gears in motion. Having definitive goals each day helps build confidence.  At the end of the day, you can say you worked out at the gym, finished your paper, or read five chapters of a book; whether your goal is big or small, you will gain confidence by planning ahead of time and achieving your goals. Making small goals will also help you form the confidence you need in your personal relationships.

Though one of my good college friends, a wrestler, was not a physically imposing guy, he had such a look of determination and conviction that people just got out of his way. Even if he was just walking to the cafeteria, he did so with absolute confidence.  He was not intimidating, but seeing him you felt that he was on his way to something of importance. He embodied the idea, “If you are going to walk, walk with purpose.”  While you walk, think of yourself as going to do great things, whether going to breakfast, receiving your Olympic medal, or approaching that cute girl across the room. If you walk with purpose,  confidence will exude from you…

Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part I.

September 21, 2009 10 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

(Editorial Note: Unlike previous Laws, Man Theory, will be a series of one or more essays dealing with a single issue.  This first theory is on TEXTING versus CALLING. Be sure to check out the sequel post The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of the Textual Revolution.)

Women, The reason why he doesn’t call: “It’s not you…its your voicemail!

Most men do NOT call for this simple reason – Voice Mail. It is recorded evidence and from past experience, your message might be scrutinized by not only the woman you were trying to reach but her girl friends, guy friends, and just about anyone in the vicinity (including waiters and random strangers on the bus). We know this because its happened to us…

Female Friend: “Hahaha, listen to the message this loser left me…”

Guy: “Oh…ha…ha”.

Or worse things can happen such as this real life situation where a guy left quite possibly the worst message in voice mail history and not only did the woman keep the message, she recorded it and posted it on a blog (listen at your own risk!):

The Reason Some Girls Stay Single

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

Ladies, to a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Men generally appreciate text messages from women. To a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Now this tends to be funny for most women, but as a general rule, if for some reason the woman does not call the guy back, the guy has NO recourse. If he contacts her again after leaving a message he’s either a stalker, overly-interested, or creepy.  Many women do NOT check their voicemail and yes, I know that YOU personally always check your voicemail…however, many “other” women wait for their voicemails to build up and simply delete them all at once or put it in their heads to call the guy back.  What happens is that when a woman does not immediately call the guy back (“Oh, I’ll call him when I get home from my pedi“), the longer she waits, the less likely she is to call. After a certain number of days past, even if she wants to call the guy back, many times she won’t because she feels like the guy will be mad… Now ladies,  when you don’t answer either because you are not by your phone or for any another reason, it forces the guy to make the best of 3 awkward decisions:

1. Keep Calling and don’t leave messages.

2. Call, Leave a Message, and Wait for your response

3. Call, Leave a Message, and Text.

Each of these choices, is awkward and uncomfortable. Thus, our prayers were answered…the TEXT was invented…the best thing to happen to men in the last 10 years… No longer are we forced to wonder if she received the message or not. We know she did. It’s a low, no pressure way of getting in touch with someone.

Now, a lot of women LOVE to talk on the phone with their friends…But that is just it… A man that is “pursuing” you, is not a friend…or at least not yet. If a man spends too much time on the phone with you, and not asking you out, women subconsciously place him in the friend zone.

Women, which would you rather have…flirtatious text multiple times a day, or no contact with you and a weekly hour phone call where he may or may not ask you out at the end? After an hour long conversation, in most cases, he will not feel any closer to you and may even question the point of asking you out or meeting up with you! Is the point of going out to get closer or to get physical?

Texting is a new phenomenon to both men and women.  Never before in the history of the world has “TEXTING”   even been an option when dealing with male and female relationships. While e-mail and instant message might be the grandparents and parents, respectively, the TEXT has broken new boundaries and thrown both men and women for a loop when it comes to social interactions. Women have thus written off TEXTing as a substandard way of communicating with each other…Many women think to themselves once receiving a text from a potential guy “What? No Call?!? He’s done…”

After speaking with many women on this issue, it is obvious to them, that a phone call is a sign of interest and that if a man does not call within the first few days of meeting that many women view this as an insult.

Women, nothing could be further from the truth.

Unless talking for a specific purpose, a typical conversation between a man and another man goes like this:

Precondition: Bill and Andy went to the same college and haven’t spoken in years. Randomly, Bill is in town and calls up Andy. Here is a sample of how that conversation might go:

Bill: “Hey Andy…dude…I’m just in town for the weekend…want to grab a drink?”

Andy: “Dude, no problem…lets hit up this new bar Night and Ice around 11..”

Bill: “Cool. I’m down”

Andy: “Cool, call me at 10:45 for directions. Later bro”

Bill: “Later Kid.”

When men communicate, it’s generally for one of two things…its to relay instructions OR to seek advice. They must have a specific PURPOSE to why they called…For a man to call up another man, just to TALK, he risk wasting the other man’s time… For instance…

George: “Hey Andy, how’s it going?”

Andy: “Just fine George…How can I help you?”

George: “No reason, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “You What?”

George: “You know, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “Don’t ever call me again George…you live across the street…if you want to talk just stop by”.

I, for one, am not a fan of talking on the phone.  I’d easily place 90% of the calls I receive to be work related or something that someone wants me to do for them…Think about it…does your boss TEXT you to do something, or CALL you?  Text is somewhat reserved for people you have a casual,no-pressure relationship with which is exactly where you want to start off when you first start seeing someone…

Homework Assignment: Women, check out this book: Flirtexting

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

Man Law #49 – Electrify Thy Woman. Maintain Constant Tension.

September 17, 2009 6 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

You always want to be sharply between the two polarities and never get too comfortable in the middle.  Once you have been neutralized, you are in the Friend Zone.  A woman is striving to harmonize with you.  While she will beyond a doubt, create unnecessary drama in your life (and hers), her underlying world view is one of peace and harmony.  The kicker is that she is not attracted to this world that she strives to create.

Your Presence Needs to Electrify Her. She needs to be turned on by you. Familiary breeds contempt! Maintain the tension!

Your Presence Needs to Electrify Her. She needs to be turned on by you. Familiarity breeds contempt! Maintain the tension!

While it might be one of luxury and leisure, her attraction buttons are naturally pushed by those that create dis-balance. That which disrupts and charges the atmosphere…That which “electrifies” her… Its her inability to understand a man’s behavior that is most attractive. Women LOVE to read how men think because it is so very different from hers… She might be attracted to someone who shares some commonalities at first – same home town, majored in the same subject, but the relationship that thrives is the man who loves the Yankees and the woman who loves the Red Sox.  You might think she would like you better for abandoning your home team, but she will LOSE interest.
It’s baffling to a woman why a man would choose to live without flowers, nice smells, and things pleasing to the touch.  It’s equally baffling to men, how he can walk into her place and not be allowed to use certain towels or sit on certain chairs because they are “for “show only.” To a man, this makes no sense. It’s almost as if buying food to look at, and not to eat. After all, who buys a big screen television, and doesn’t watch it? Everything in a Man’s home, needs to serve a purpose.

By creating constant tension in the relationship, and by tension, we are referring to sexual tension, flirtation, playful arguments, you are keeping the interaction, alive, and energetic.  Once the two of you get bored and either of you get used to routine, you will experience “dead energy.” Ultimately, “dead energy” is a relationship that has fallen victim to familiarity. The two of you seek out each others company because you no longer hang out with the same friends you used to or do the same things you did before the relationship.  Unless you consistently introduce new things, the relationship will become a victim of its own success…

Gentlemen, when you are on a date or out with your girlfriend you want to think of yourself like Indiana Jones traveling through the vicious jungle. Its your job to lead the interaction, jump into new experiences confidently, and “save” her from harms way. Since the majority of the people reading this live semi-close to society and a jungle may be hard to find…consider going out in a new part of town, trying a new restaurant, playing tennis, going dancing,  plan something she will have to get dressed up for , eating something new…the point is, you need to constantly grow and TAKE RISK. It’s your strength, willingness to take chances, and yet remain un-phased which she finds most attractive… Even after you’ve been seeing her for a while, you need to continue to shock and surprise her…Maintain the tension…

Man Law #48 – Women View Men Like Vegetables at Whole Foods, They Want them Fresh and Get Rid of them after they Expire…

September 16, 2009 7 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

In her mind, you only have a certain amount of time while fresh...she wants to know how you taste now and you will only get worse with age...

In her mind, you only have a certain amount of time while fresh...she wants to know how you taste now and you will only get worse with age...

After the initial encounter whether at a party or another outing, the woman has unconsciously (or consciously) given you a shelf life…She has told herself – “This guy has X number of days to talk to me before I throw him out.”  In this case, the variable X represents her interest level. Generally, the higher the number, the longer you will last.  If you do not hurry up and initiate a second interaction with her and soon, most women have no problem “tossing” you out. There will be times to take things slowly, however, the beginning is not the time.

The problem here is that once you’ve been tossed in the trash, it’s HARD to convince her to take you back out, brush you off, and put you back in the refrigerator.  Would you do it?

Guys act differently. See, once a guy gets a number or meets a new woman, often times, he will throw her in the freezer. He wants her to last…a long, long time… He might have other women that are out on the stove that he’s currently cooking with that he hasn’t eaten yet (no pun intended)…Men, in general, are not good at managing multiple women.  Our brains are simply not wired that way and there is too much to handle.  Unless he has a good way to manage multiple women, a man will typically stick with where he is getting fed at the moment.  If he enjoys the steak at one restaurant, why should he walk into a new place which might not offer anything that he likes? He would much rather view what the restaurant has to offer on a menu up front on the outside, than risk losing what he already has going for him.

A guy never throws a woman in the trash.  If things don’t work out between the two of you, he’ll throw her back in the freezer and hope to take her out much later (sometimes months or years) hoping she forgot (or forgave him for screwing it up the first time…).  Depending on how ATTRACTED to the woman the man is, a woman in the freezer will NEVER expire. He’ll never take her out of there if he can help it. In fact, the only person who will clear out his freezer, and whats cooking on the stove…will be another woman and probably the one that he is most serious about…

You are worth the MOST to her in the first few encounters.  This is when you are in her mind and on her radar. All things being equal, you only have a finite amount of time before she throws you out or worse, puts you in the friend zone. We’ve gone over the Friend Zone before in Man Law #10.  There are very few things you can do to resurrect yourself out of the Friend Zone.  In fact, it’s damn near impossible.

Now, you’ve met the girl, you’ve got her number, and you want to know when to contact her. Standard Operating Procedure states “The Man must contact her on the 3rd Day”.  I say, screw that. There have been so many different times where I personally have not “waited” 3 days and things have still progressed to a second or third meeting that it is not worth mentioning. What IS worth mentioning is that you must initiate further contact with her.  Some women and they are few and far between WILL initiate either a Facebook Friend request, a text message the day after, or some other way of contacting you (and I have no idea what this could be).  It’s been my experience, however, that in the majority of cases, whether she is interested in you or not, she expects that YOU will be the initiator.

Important factors to consider when contacting her for the first time are:

  • Where you met?
  • How you met?
  • How long you spoke?

As a general rule, the next day can easily be interpreted as “OVERLY EAGER”, which we have gone over as being a big, BIG, turn off to most women.  Now, write this down because every woman I spoke to about the man CALLING the next day described this as being overly eager.  In fact, each and every woman I asked, stated the exact same thing.   HOWEVER, sending a text as opposed to calling the next day, stating something unique about the initial encounter is good, and contacting her on the 2nd day to plan a second interaction is typically the way to go… So Gentleman, if you take nothing else from this post:

Text her the next day. NEVER Call. It doesn't matter if she just gave you her card and told you to contact her or the two of you went home together....Keep it short and simple....TEXT

Text her the next day only. NEVER Call the next day. It doesn't matter if she just gave you her card and told you to contact her or the two of you went home together....Keep it short and simple....TEXT

Day 0: Initial Meeting (Bar/Party) – You’ve met her at a party and she has given you HER contact information.

Day 1: Send a Text stating something unique about her from the meeting on Day 0 (that’s right, within the first 24-48 hours of initially meeting her). A unique text to your initial interaction will be good…

Day 2: Call to set up a date in the future that you will get together.

Day 3: Men haven’t waited until Day 3 since the 60s…In this day and age of Twitter and Facebook and with communication tools that can send messages across the world in seconds…3 days is overly traditional to many women and interest in you will decrease exponentially from this point on…

Man Law #47 – Every Woman Secretly Wants To Be Seduced!

September 15, 2009 5 comments

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

…What she doesn’t want is for YOU to know that you are doing it!

True story…

Girl: “Have you ever read any of those Picking-Up Women books?”

She will always compare you with the storybook Prince she read about as a child...What she doesn't know is that Prince Charming was taking lessons from every player in the land...

She will always compare you with the storybook Prince she read about as a child...What she doesn't know is that Prince Charming was taking lessons from every player in the land...

Guy: “Why?”

Girl: “Oh…no reason…I’m just curious?!”

Guy (smirks): “Is it working?”

Girl (smirks back): “Yes….”

Any effort on your part which shows pre-planning prior to any sexual physicality in the relationship between the two of you, will most likely be judged by her as being manipulative. She might say “If the two of you are right for each other, than you shouldn’t have to do anything, it will just come naturally“…Gentlemen, this is WOMAN CODE for “I’m lazy.” Unfortunately, a man does not have that luxury of simply staying put and having women shower him with love and affection. He must DO something to win her over.

It’s been my experience that women want to be seduced…what they don’t want is for YOU to be consciously aware that you are seducing them.  In an age of gender equality, the role of the man is no longer as defined as it once was…No longer is simply having a job and a college education enough to land a woman.  She can now easily have everything that she needs to handle these things independent of whether a man is in her life or not.  Thus, it is now necessary for a man to hold the knowledge of what is attractive to women.  Some may call this “game”, others might call it survival. For if he does not learn this by the time of his death, his “dynasty” will come to an end.

If your game is tight (as they say) and she ask you:

Is a pool owner acting deceptively if he knows in advance that women love pools and hot tubs?

Water has a relaxing effect on people. When people are relaxed, they are more susceptible to seduction and influence...Did you really think people started going for "Walks on the Beach" purely by coincidence?

Cute Girl: “Have you read “The Game?”

Your answer and only answer should be:
You: “I am aware of its existence.”

Moving On.

It’s baffling to most men, including myself, why a woman can subject herself to hundreds of articles from Cosmo on how to pick up guys, yet scoff at any attempt by you to increase your ability to do better with women…case in point, less than a 10 minute search in Cosmo, revealed the following articles:

If you’ve taken a look at any of these links, you can see that none of them are outright malicious in nature.  The women asking these questions seem genuinely interested in understanding men and how we operate. Yet, the reverse simply is not true.  Gentlemen, next time your lady friend is over, print out a few of these articles and spruce them casually around your place. See how differently the tables will turn when you leave these articles out:

What’s your take, should either men or women be allowed to study how to pick up the opposite sex? Is it “wrong” to use tactics to pick up someone that you are interested in? Should everything simply come naturally?

%d bloggers like this: