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Man Law #52 – Maintain a Cabinet
Since the dawn of the United States of America, the elected President has always maintained a cabinet of Senior Elected Officials. These officials are experts in their field and give the President advice, differing perspective, arguments and a course of action.
You shall be no different.
This might look like a picture of President Kennedy after he was elected...its not, he was planning his marriage to Jackie...
Think of your cabinet as your group of personally elected Officials who represent expertise in a certain area that you might seek to grow in – be it finances, sports, women, career or a personal hobby. Unlike the Cabinet shown in the picture, these positions can and should be filled with both males and females that you trust. These guys are in your corner and rooting for you. You respect and appreciate the opinions of the people in your cabinet and despite not always agreeing with them, you trust their insight.
President Kennedy is renowned for consulting his advisers in times of crisis. Regardless of your political affiliation, the idea of a Presidential Cabinet was recognized as a very smart thing to have. In the movie, Thirteen Days, President Kennedy maintained close contact with his younger brother Robert Kennedy (U.S. Attorney General) and Kenny O’Donnell (Special Assistant to the President) who he met with to discuss such issues as the Cuban Missile Crisis. We can only hope that pursuing the woman you met at the bar last week is not as serious, however, planning a good second date with someone who might be your future wife – just may be!
Whilst taking in the opinion of your cabinet, you want to retain the ability to make the executive decision. You need to be aware that at first, if you are in an area where you are a complete amateur, you want to listen to those who have expertise. However, do not fall victim to blindly following and listening to every piece of advice they give. Maintain a critical eye. They may not know all of the little pieces of information that you deemed unimportant yet might be essential to making a wise decision.
If we are not careful, the more confident we grow the less likely we are to ASK people for help, advice, assistance, etc. This turns into cockiness which to both men and women is deathly in relationships. Both men and women are victims of acting too cocky or assuming that they should not have to seek out help or advice. Men are notoriously known for doing this and this is a fault that could prove disastrous. You always want to have a group of people who you trust, YET retain the ability to listen to your own inner voice and trust your instinct.
Many women expect you to act DECISIVELY when you deal with them…they find this characteristic in men to be extremely attractive. While acting decisively will be discussed at a later time, many men need to be familiar with how a woman might present a situation where she expects YOU to make the decision. She won’t verbally tell you to decide, she’ll simply run down fifteen different options which will drive you insane since this behavior is baffling to most men…Maintain a Cabinet and retain the ability to make the Executive Decision…
Man Law #51 – Negotiate a Relationship like you Negotiate a Salary, State your Boundaries and Never Settle for Less than You’re Worth.
It’s imperative when you first start dating someone new that you set certain boundaries for what you are willing and not willing to do. These boundaries don’t need to be set in rock solid stone, however, its been my experience that if you find yourself compromising over and over and you tend to get the shorter end of the stick, than this is not a woman you want to get involved with. Think of a boundary as an invisible fence – she doesn’t need to know exactly where it is, she just needs to know if she crosses it. The men that have no boundaries will find that they are too often put into the friend zone when dating women. These are the guys that she is interested in at first, and quickly realizes that she can walk all over, thus losing any attractiveness to the guy that she once had. Despite any games she may play with you to test these boundaries, you need to retain your composure, reinforce the surrounding perimeter, and if necessary, walk from the deal…
An attractive woman might attempt to strong arm your interactions. She might try to state the conditions that she will go out with you. It's for this reason that you need to keep cool, and walk from a deal if its clear you are on the losing end...
It’s alright if she expects to be treated like a Queen, but you better be sure that she is treating YOU as the King. And most likely, she’s not treating you any different than all the other guys that meet her initially, especially at first and she has nothing invested in the relationship. Its for this very reason that you need to take things slowly especially with respect to your finances, and not spend a lot of money on her with hopes of impressing her. Think of each week that passes by as an increase in the amount you are willing to spend on her. She will be more impressed by your ingenuity and resourcefulness in planning a date rather than the AMOUNT that you spend on it. The enjoyment the two of you experience together needs to be independent of the amount of money you find yourself spending.
While this law applies to men just as easily as to women, I find that far too often a guy will overly compensate for a woman he likes and as a result, she will lose interest and either keep him on a rotation of men that she is currently dating without really “elevating” him above the pack OR worse (and yes, this always seems to be the case), throws him in the Friend Zone. An excellent example is a movie I saw last week after years and years of women saying that I should read the book and/or see the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You“. Many of us know people who have had dating/relationship encounters such as the ones that occur in the movie. Scarlett Johannson’s character plays a woman who is infatuated with a married man. Even though she KNOWS he is in a relationship, this only increases his attractiveness to her. Meanwhile, she finds a guy that she used to date , Conor Barry, who is portrayed as a successful Real Estate man and would potentially be a more sustainable and compatible partner, as unsuitable and no matter how hard he tries, she just is not that into him. After realizing her infatuation with the married man will never go anywhere, she (reluctantly?) relents to Conor’s advances, and becomes his girlfriend. She ultimately uses Conor to fill in the gaps while the guy she actually likes is attempting to form (or maintain a life with his wife depending on your viewpoint) . In the end, she relegates Conor to the friend zone after he hoped to have her move in with him to a house he was planning to buy. Tough Break Conor.
Just about all of us have had the shades pulled over our eyes when we were seriously attracted to someone…We saw what we wanted to see. When we really like someone, he/she could do just about anything and we will rationalize it over and over. We’ll most likely downplay the signs of non-interest, and exaggerate the signs of interest. In almost any and every situation where I have questioned signs of non-interest to the extent that I sought out another person’s interpretation, these relationships did not work out. How far she stretches you out of your comfort zone is directly proportional to how hard the breakup will be for you in the end.
It’s for that reason that you need to set certain boundaries right from the start…It doesn’t mean black and white, take it or leave it, it simply means that if a compromise to her is 80/20…and you are the 20, you need to cut your losses and move on. You’ll be happier you left the situation and more than likely, your buddies have been telling you this all along and you simply didn’t want to realize it. If you find yourself consistently compromising your own well being in order to satisfy her, than cut your losses, move on and never settle for less than you are worth….
Man Law #50 – If you’re going to walk, Walk with Purpose…
Women love men of action. Something about a confident and purposeful man can be extremely attractive to a woman. Your confidence is conveyed through posture and walking is no different. She can get a sense of your confidence through your body language, whether you slouch your shoulders, or look down at the floor, these will all lead her to form a general impression of you. When you are walking with purpose, an onlooker won’t be able to tell if you are going up to receive an award from the President, or going down the hallway to the bathroom, you just have a look that you know what you are doing… If you have a plan, it allows her to think for herself and not worry about you, which she may do if she feels that you are leading yourself astray. If you are focused on achieving a goal, a supportive woman will encourage your efforts. She will be the “President and CEO of your Fan Club”. She will have your goals in mind and your best interest in heart. Of course — in the same way, you should be supportive of her goals and interests.
A Confident Walk is a Confident Mind.
In the age of information overload, it is necessary to stay focused on your priorities. When you wake up you need a plan of attack. Make a plan of action every day. Don’t focus too much on low-level details and how you will get there — a simple plan is enough to set the gears in motion. Having definitive goals each day helps build confidence. At the end of the day, you can say you worked out at the gym, finished your paper, or read five chapters of a book; whether your goal is big or small, you will gain confidence by planning ahead of time and achieving your goals. Making small goals will also help you form the confidence you need in your personal relationships.
Though one of my good college friends, a wrestler, was not a physically imposing guy, he had such a look of determination and conviction that people just got out of his way. Even if he was just walking to the cafeteria, he did so with absolute confidence. He was not intimidating, but seeing him you felt that he was on his way to something of importance. He embodied the idea, “If you are going to walk, walk with purpose.” While you walk, think of yourself as going to do great things, whether going to breakfast, receiving your Olympic medal, or approaching that cute girl across the room. If you walk with purpose, confidence will exude from you…
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