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Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part I.
(Editorial Note: Unlike previous Laws, Man Theory, will be a series of one or more essays dealing with a single issue. This first theory is on TEXTING versus CALLING. Be sure to check out the sequel post The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of the Textual Revolution.)
Women, The reason why he doesn’t call: “It’s not you…its your voicemail!”
Most men do NOT call for this simple reason – Voice Mail. It is recorded evidence and from past experience, your message might be scrutinized by not only the woman you were trying to reach but her girl friends, guy friends, and just about anyone in the vicinity (including waiters and random strangers on the bus). We know this because its happened to us…
Female Friend: “Hahaha, listen to the message this loser left me…”
Guy: “Oh…ha…ha”.
Or worse things can happen such as this real life situation where a guy left quite possibly the worst message in voice mail history and not only did the woman keep the message, she recorded it and posted it on a blog (listen at your own risk!):
The Reason Some Girls Stay Single
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
Men generally appreciate text messages from women. To a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.
Now this tends to be funny for most women, but as a general rule, if for some reason the woman does not call the guy back, the guy has NO recourse. If he contacts her again after leaving a message he’s either a stalker, overly-interested, or creepy. Many women do NOT check their voicemail and yes, I know that YOU personally always check your voicemail…however, many “other” women wait for their voicemails to build up and simply delete them all at once or put it in their heads to call the guy back. What happens is that when a woman does not immediately call the guy back (“Oh, I’ll call him when I get home from my pedi“), the longer she waits, the less likely she is to call. After a certain number of days past, even if she wants to call the guy back, many times she won’t because she feels like the guy will be mad… Now ladies, when you don’t answer either because you are not by your phone or for any another reason, it forces the guy to make the best of 3 awkward decisions:
1. Keep Calling and don’t leave messages.
2. Call, Leave a Message, and Wait for your response
3. Call, Leave a Message, and Text.
Each of these choices, is awkward and uncomfortable. Thus, our prayers were answered…the TEXT was invented…the best thing to happen to men in the last 10 years… No longer are we forced to wonder if she received the message or not. We know she did. It’s a low, no pressure way of getting in touch with someone.
Now, a lot of women LOVE to talk on the phone with their friends…But that is just it… A man that is “pursuing” you, is not a friend…or at least not yet. If a man spends too much time on the phone with you, and not asking you out, women subconsciously place him in the friend zone.
Women, which would you rather have…flirtatious text multiple times a day, or no contact with you and a weekly hour phone call where he may or may not ask you out at the end? After an hour long conversation, in most cases, he will not feel any closer to you and may even question the point of asking you out or meeting up with you! Is the point of going out to get closer or to get physical?
Texting is a new phenomenon to both men and women. Never before in the history of the world has “TEXTING” even been an option when dealing with male and female relationships. While e-mail and instant message might be the grandparents and parents, respectively, the TEXT has broken new boundaries and thrown both men and women for a loop when it comes to social interactions. Women have thus written off TEXTing as a substandard way of communicating with each other…Many women think to themselves once receiving a text from a potential guy “What? No Call?!? He’s done…”
After speaking with many women on this issue, it is obvious to them, that a phone call is a sign of interest and that if a man does not call within the first few days of meeting that many women view this as an insult.
Women, nothing could be further from the truth.
Unless talking for a specific purpose, a typical conversation between a man and another man goes like this:
Precondition: Bill and Andy went to the same college and haven’t spoken in years. Randomly, Bill is in town and calls up Andy. Here is a sample of how that conversation might go:
Bill: “Hey Andy…dude…I’m just in town for the weekend…want to grab a drink?”
Andy: “Dude, no problem…lets hit up this new bar Night and Ice around 11..”
Bill: “Cool. I’m down”
Andy: “Cool, call me at 10:45 for directions. Later bro”
Bill: “Later Kid.”
When men communicate, it’s generally for one of two things…its to relay instructions OR to seek advice. They must have a specific PURPOSE to why they called…For a man to call up another man, just to TALK, he risk wasting the other man’s time… For instance…
George: “Hey Andy, how’s it going?”
Andy: “Just fine George…How can I help you?”
George: “No reason, just called to see how you were doing?”
Andy: “You What?”
George: “You know, just called to see how you were doing?”
Andy: “Don’t ever call me again George…you live across the street…if you want to talk just stop by”.
I, for one, am not a fan of talking on the phone. I’d easily place 90% of the calls I receive to be work related or something that someone wants me to do for them…Think about it…does your boss TEXT you to do something, or CALL you? Text is somewhat reserved for people you have a casual,no-pressure relationship with which is exactly where you want to start off when you first start seeing someone…
Homework Assignment: Women, check out this book: Flirtexting
Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!
Man Law #49 – Electrify Thy Woman. Maintain Constant Tension.
You always want to be sharply between the two polarities and never get too comfortable in the middle. Once you have been neutralized, you are in the Friend Zone. A woman is striving to harmonize with you. While she will beyond a doubt, create unnecessary drama in your life (and hers), her underlying world view is one of peace and harmony. The kicker is that she is not attracted to this world that she strives to create.
Your Presence Needs to Electrify Her. She needs to be turned on by you. Familiarity breeds contempt! Maintain the tension!
While it might be one of luxury and leisure, her attraction buttons are naturally pushed by those that create dis-balance. That which disrupts and charges the atmosphere…That which “electrifies” her… Its her inability to understand a man’s behavior that is most attractive. Women LOVE to read how men think because it is so very different from hers… She might be attracted to someone who shares some commonalities at first – same home town, majored in the same subject, but the relationship that thrives is the man who loves the Yankees and the woman who loves the Red Sox. You might think she would like you better for abandoning your home team, but she will LOSE interest.
It’s baffling to a woman why a man would choose to live without flowers, nice smells, and things pleasing to the touch. It’s equally baffling to men, how he can walk into her place and not be allowed to use certain towels or sit on certain chairs because they are “for “show only.” To a man, this makes no sense. It’s almost as if buying food to look at, and not to eat. After all, who buys a big screen television, and doesn’t watch it? Everything in a Man’s home, needs to serve a purpose.
By creating constant tension in the relationship, and by tension, we are referring to sexual tension, flirtation, playful arguments, you are keeping the interaction, alive, and energetic. Once the two of you get bored and either of you get used to routine, you will experience “dead energy.” Ultimately, “dead energy” is a relationship that has fallen victim to familiarity. The two of you seek out each others company because you no longer hang out with the same friends you used to or do the same things you did before the relationship. Unless you consistently introduce new things, the relationship will become a victim of its own success…
Gentlemen, when you are on a date or out with your girlfriend you want to think of yourself like Indiana Jones traveling through the vicious jungle. Its your job to lead the interaction, jump into new experiences confidently, and “save” her from harms way. Since the majority of the people reading this live semi-close to society and a jungle may be hard to find…consider going out in a new part of town, trying a new restaurant, playing tennis, going dancing, plan something she will have to get dressed up for , eating something new…the point is, you need to constantly grow and TAKE RISK. It’s your strength, willingness to take chances, and yet remain un-phased which she finds most attractive… Even after you’ve been seeing her for a while, you need to continue to shock and surprise her…Maintain the tension…
Man Law #48 – Women View Men Like Vegetables at Whole Foods, They Want them Fresh and Get Rid of them after they Expire…
In her mind, you only have a certain amount of time while fresh...she wants to know how you taste now and you will only get worse with age...
After the initial encounter whether at a party or another outing, the woman has unconsciously (or consciously) given you a shelf life…She has told herself – “This guy has X number of days to talk to me before I throw him out.” In this case, the variable X represents her interest level. Generally, the higher the number, the longer you will last. If you do not hurry up and initiate a second interaction with her and soon, most women have no problem “tossing” you out. There will be times to take things slowly, however, the beginning is not the time.
The problem here is that once you’ve been tossed in the trash, it’s HARD to convince her to take you back out, brush you off, and put you back in the refrigerator. Would you do it?
Guys act differently. See, once a guy gets a number or meets a new woman, often times, he will throw her in the freezer. He wants her to last…a long, long time… He might have other women that are out on the stove that he’s currently cooking with that he hasn’t eaten yet (no pun intended)…Men, in general, are not good at managing multiple women. Our brains are simply not wired that way and there is too much to handle. Unless he has a good way to manage multiple women, a man will typically stick with where he is getting fed at the moment. If he enjoys the steak at one restaurant, why should he walk into a new place which might not offer anything that he likes? He would much rather view what the restaurant has to offer on a menu up front on the outside, than risk losing what he already has going for him.
A guy never throws a woman in the trash. If things don’t work out between the two of you, he’ll throw her back in the freezer and hope to take her out much later (sometimes months or years) hoping she forgot (or forgave him for screwing it up the first time…). Depending on how ATTRACTED to the woman the man is, a woman in the freezer will NEVER expire. He’ll never take her out of there if he can help it. In fact, the only person who will clear out his freezer, and whats cooking on the stove…will be another woman and probably the one that he is most serious about…
You are worth the MOST to her in the first few encounters. This is when you are in her mind and on her radar. All things being equal, you only have a finite amount of time before she throws you out or worse, puts you in the friend zone. We’ve gone over the Friend Zone before in Man Law #10. There are very few things you can do to resurrect yourself out of the Friend Zone. In fact, it’s damn near impossible.
Now, you’ve met the girl, you’ve got her number, and you want to know when to contact her. Standard Operating Procedure states “The Man must contact her on the 3rd Day”. I say, screw that. There have been so many different times where I personally have not “waited” 3 days and things have still progressed to a second or third meeting that it is not worth mentioning. What IS worth mentioning is that you must initiate further contact with her. Some women and they are few and far between WILL initiate either a Facebook Friend request, a text message the day after, or some other way of contacting you (and I have no idea what this could be). It’s been my experience, however, that in the majority of cases, whether she is interested in you or not, she expects that YOU will be the initiator.
Important factors to consider when contacting her for the first time are:
- Where you met?
- How you met?
- How long you spoke?
As a general rule, the next day can easily be interpreted as “OVERLY EAGER”, which we have gone over as being a big, BIG, turn off to most women. Now, write this down because every woman I spoke to about the man CALLING the next day described this as being overly eager. In fact, each and every woman I asked, stated the exact same thing. HOWEVER, sending a text as opposed to calling the next day, stating something unique about the initial encounter is good, and contacting her on the 2nd day to plan a second interaction is typically the way to go… So Gentleman, if you take nothing else from this post:
Text her the next day only. NEVER Call the next day. It doesn't matter if she just gave you her card and told you to contact her or the two of you went home together....Keep it short and simple....TEXT
Day 0: Initial Meeting (Bar/Party) – You’ve met her at a party and she has given you HER contact information.
Day 1: Send a Text stating something unique about her from the meeting on Day 0 (that’s right, within the first 24-48 hours of initially meeting her). A unique text to your initial interaction will be good…
Day 2: Call to set up a date in the future that you will get together.
Day 3: Men haven’t waited until Day 3 since the 60s…In this day and age of Twitter and Facebook and with communication tools that can send messages across the world in seconds…3 days is overly traditional to many women and interest in you will decrease exponentially from this point on…
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