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Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101

October 28, 2009 9 comments

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A few weeks ago, I posted the popular “Art of Text, Part I”.  To this day, it remains the single most popular post on the blog.  In it, I cited the recently released book Flirtexting by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. These girls have been taking the world by storm with their new book and appeared on the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago (You can watch the full interview on their site Flirtexting.com). Through word of mouth and a bit of six degrees of separation, the blog came to their attention. After many weeks of courtship, love letters and flower sending, I was finally able to track down Debra and she agreed to an interview.Debra is a force to be reckoned with, forming her own personal shopping company, Fern Estelle, that has dressed some of the hottest

Debra Goldstein

Ms. Debra Goldstein

A-list Celebs in Hollywood,  it’s clear that she has some serious game. After speaking with these two girls and reading their book, it dawned on me that they are really teaching “Text-Defense for Women.” Guys are going to use whatever tools at their disposal to get the girl. The text is simply the latest and greatest in our arsenal. What Debra and Olivia have done is give a framework for how women should respond to a clueless guy who has forgotten that the cell phone can STILL place calls.  Texting is not a replacement for phone calling… It is another way of getting to know someone and feeling them out in a way that is very low-pressure and is exactly where most guys want to start off…So unless you are still using a typewriter to schedule your dates, I suggest you read up!

Without further ado…

Ethan: You meet a hot guy at a bar on Saturday…You give him your contact information and you totally dig him. How do you feel when a guy Facebook Friends you the next day verses texting or calling? For instance, when I asked other woman about a guy who phonecalls the next day…they ALL described this guy as overly eager and this usually translated into loser and they became not-interested.  Texting is my personal method of choice, but it seems that texting and Facebook friend request are now the next step in the “courtship” process in the information age.  How do you feel about this?

DebLiv2TEXT

Deb and Liv

Debra: We all know that when we meet someone we like, the first thing we do is google them or ask them to be our friend on Facebook. It’s a mixture of curiosity and taking precaution that makes us want a little bit more info before putting ourselves out there. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Because lets face it, if a new guy Facebook’s me and I see in his photos that he always wears V-Neck t-shirts, gels his hair, and lists Brokeback Mountain as his favorite movie, I know in advance that this relationship is not going to work. Yes, judging a book by its cover is wrong, but we all do it. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the Facebook sea.

Ethan: What do you think of guys who ASK you out on dates through text? Some women don’t mind while others that I’ve asked call this LAME. I, personally, reserve flirting for text messaging and CALL to plan dates…

Debra: In the world of dating I have found that finding a person who you have a special connection with comes far and few between. In a way, I am glad for this because it makes finding that person and those relationships that much more special. You know it when you see it. So when I give a guy my number and he chooses to “text me out” instead of asking me out over a telephone call, what that does is shows me where he stands and where he sees this relationship going…which is, not very far. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that this guy doesn’t see as much potential in having a serious relationship with me as a guy who decides to call me to ask me out. Knowing that is key! NOW with younger couples (i.e.: only dated after text) a guy who truly likes a girl might just text her first because he grew up in the age of Flirtexting and its all he knows. Be aware of this if you are under 21.

Ethan: From your past experiences, what has been the BEST text you’ve received and why? Describe the components of the BPT (Best Possible Text) that a guy should follow to get you out on a date with him after only meeting him once? Dos and Dont’s…

Debra: Guys need to be aware that their initial Flirtext to a girl is so important that we call it their “second first impression.” Where as before we judge guys by their “package”, today we judge guys by their “flirtexts”. Therefore their initial initial flirtext needs to be well thought out and perfect. The components in a perfect initial flirtext are as follows:

DebLiv6TEXT

Deb and TUI

1. Never ask a girl out in your initial flirtext. You need to feel out if she actually likes you or if she just gave you her number so that you would leave her alone.

2. Bring up something that happened when you met or poke fun of something the two of you talked about. This will A) Trigger her memory as to who you are and B) Show her that you are thoughtful, clever, and a good listener.

3. Say something funny. Every girl lists “funny” as one of the top three qualities she looks for in a man. Make her laugh and you are on the right path to that first date.

For further information, be sure to follow Flirtexting on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/flirtexting)  and be sure to check out their website (www.flirtexting.com)

Man Law #59 – Never Slavishly Follow Accepted Wisdom!

October 27, 2009 1 comment

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If there is one thing that the Unbreakable Man Laws hopes to instill, it’s the ability to think independently and critically of a situation.  Find your own solutions. Read many different viewpoints even ones you disagree with.  It’s important to always question the establishment and remember to understand the basis behind the decision rather than accepting it merely as “law” (pun intended).  The reason behind this is it is often when we challenge our previously held belief system that we go through the most growth.

Business People #44

"Buy Me Flowers Dummy!"

Someone once told me a great story illustrating this point while I was standing in line at GNC purchasing Whey Protein.  I do not have the slightest idea how we started talking about this topic in a Health Supplements store, but the gentlemen told me the following:

A family meeting for Thanksgiving Dinner is preparing the Turkey for that night. The mother, Ann, is having her kids, Barbara and John, help her with cooking the dish. Before placing the Turkey in the stove, the kids are told to cut off the top half of the turkey.

Both Barbara and John grow up and have kids and tell them the same thing.

“Mary, you have to cut the top half of the Turkey off before placing it in the stove.”

At one Thanksgiving, Ann, who is now a Grandmother,  is helping with cooking dinner, and sees Mary cutting the top half off the turkey  and she ask the child “What are you doing?”

Mary replies, “I’m cutting the top half off the Turkey! Just like Mom said!”

Ann turns to Mary’s mother, Barbara, also standing in the kitchen, “Honey, when I told you to cut the top half off the Turkey, it was because when we bought the house, our stove wasn’t big enough to fit the whole thing in it!”

When I went through college, I was only beginning to realize how the difference in upbringings and how so many people from so many different backgrounds could contribute to a situation in their own unique way.  We gained strength in our difference of opinions.  It forced us to understand one another rather than accepting what our parents, or even Grandparents might have taught us about others.  If you are a Democrat, ask a Republican what they think of a situation; If you like Rock, ask someone who likes Rap what they think of a song; If you are a Yankees Fan, continue to dislike the Red Sox (nothing good can come of that partnership).

Question everything!

Questioning the established way of doing things is different from rebelling against the established way.  Perhaps there is a solid reason why we look both ways before crossing the street. Don’t just jay-walk because you can…

thinking-man

"Thoroughly Think It Through!"

Even more important than the answer to the question is the process you go through to discover it. Many individuals including myself have forgotten what it is like to REALLY do research. In the pre-google era, researching topics could take hours using the library’s card catalog system.  When you went to the library to do research, you spent hours finding books and gathering articles. Nowadays, if we have to search longer than five minutes on a single subject, we declare the topic unanswerable.

Don’t give up so easily.

The process to finding the answer is more important than the answer itself. The persistence and strength you gain through your search for the truth, will pay off in the long run in all things – whether it is relationships, money, or your career.

With that said:

  • The World Really IS Flat…
  • The Moon really IS made out of cheese.
  • British people really DO have bad teeth…
  • Africa really IS a country.
  • Women Really DO want you to tell them how you feel…

Good luck! This is Ethan Bishop. Over and out.

Man Law #58 – A.B.D.S.E – Always Be Doing Something Else…

October 23, 2009 4 comments

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Few women will admit that they find men who they know will wait on them hand and foot to be EXTREMELY unattractive. Women have a special term that they throw around in their inner social circles for these types of guys , they call them “puppy dogs“.

Don’t laugh.

STAY FOCUSED....This may look like a simple game of beer pong..It's not... Woman love to lead you astray while you are hoping to score. Look for other situations where you find this happening...

STAY FOCUSED....This may look like a simple game of beer pong..It's not... Woman love to lead you astray while you are hoping to score. Look for other situations where you find this happening...

Because chances are, you’ve been called one before; I know that I have.

Here is what often happens and gentlemen, we’ve all been there before, so don’t feel bad.  Here is the situation -you are young, a tad bit experienced with women (or at least you think you are), going out all the time, having fun, you are inviting girls out left and right to have a good time…You finally go home with one attractive girl and have an amazing night….and what happens?

You are all over her…

Calling when you are supposed to, doing everything every woman has told you that you need to do…and yet…

She’s not interested.

Why?

Because women dislike that which comes easily to them…

Now working a one-night stand into something sustainable is another skill altogether, however, at the time, take it for what its worth. A One-Night Stand ends with that night. Chances are, both of you were drunk at the time and if you are not careful, she will easily regret sleeping with you, if you are all over her the day afterwards.

I didn’t realize this until mid-way through college that the girls I payed MORE attention to, that I called on a regular basis, that I went out of my way to say hello to, were the girls, I NEVER got… I just could not figure it out. I was doing everything that other women SAID they wanted…and yet…nada.

That was until I learned…A.B.D.S.E.Always Be Doing Something Else.

While I only learned this acronym recently, I learned the rule long ago. So simple, yet it was like a light switch had turned on. It was the guy who was actively involved with sports, lacrosse, music, baseball, whatever, the guy who was always doing something else he was passionate about, that women always found attractive… After I realized what was really happening, I got back  involved. It was almost as if I had realized that I needed to stay active as  a part of my past, then met a girl I thought I liked, stopped all of these things to focus on her, and then lost it all…

The first thing that should strike you right now if you are over 18 is..."JAIL BAIT". Just ignore these types of girls...overly sexualized and playing to our basic instincts as men.

The first thing that should strike you right now if you are over 18 is..."JAIL BAIT". Just ignore these types of girls...overly sexualized and playing to our basic instincts as men.

Women are exceptional seducers. They will take an All-Star Quarterback and make him a whining little boy which she likes, but doesn’t respect. I realized that when I was involved with other activities, pursuing goals, declining invites to go out, that I was actually doing BETTER with women. In fact, the more that I pushed them away, the more they wanted to go out with me… It just didn’t make any sense…

Gentlemen, just about every woman that you know has gone home (or hooked up) with a guy that she would NEVER have thought she would have…These are the guys that break every idealistic characteristic that she  wrote down in her diary. They like tall men and he’s short…They like well-educated lawyers and he dropped out of high school. Women constantly find themselves rationalizing why they went home with a guy that shatters every standard that they thought they had…

It is for this very reason that you need to Always Be Doing Something Else. Stay Active and Stay Focused.  It is SO easy to become entranced with a woman who shows the slightest bit of interest in you, whether its a kiss on the cheek or she goes home with you that night. You  need to act like nothing happened and keep on swimming…

Man Law #57 – Compliment Her, Not the Genetics!

October 20, 2009 7 comments

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The compliment is one of the least understood and seldom perfected points of courtship. If you are in a social situation (i.e. that’s bar or party for those of you just joining  us) and you meet someone new that you may be interested in dating, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance. Read this again, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance.

DANGER! DANGER! Both girls KNOW what you are looking at...Be sure to compliment her CHOICE in NECKLACES and don't look down...

DANGER! DANGER! Both girls KNOW what you are looking at...Be sure to compliment her CHOICE in NECKLACES (Did you even notice?) and don't look down...

When I say physical, I am speaking about her body.  Even though she may have size 34DDs, do not be the 334th guy to say that about her that month… Now, few men (I hope) reading this would be that out of touch to do something like that… Women are aware of the fact that men are very visual creatures. They use that to their advantage.  Do not compliment them on that which will draw immediate and obvious attention. What was the first thing that you noticed in the picture on the right?

Yeah…

Her genetics are something that is completely the luck of the draw.  So even though she may have been born looking like a Victoria Secret model, she had absolutely nothing to do about that and thus, she knows that you are only giving her a compliment based on her PHYSICAL appearance – An appearance that she knows does not represent how she always looks. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without make up on…

As a fundamental rule of thumb, compliments should ALWAYS be given WITH sincerity. If you don’t mean it…Don’t say it.   Although science has not proven this yet, I am convinced that women have an 8th sense (in addition to the five already known) that allows them to see past BS.

Think of the art of giving compliments like the cherry in a daiquiri.  They should ADD to an already pleasant experience, however, for maximum effect, you need to use them sparingly. Being overly complimentary of a woman will be a fast way to the friend zone. This will decrease your value and while she may feel good/great around you, she KNOWS that you do not know the true her. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without her make up on and you certainly haven’t seen her the morning after…

To ensure that your compliment is sincere, you should almost have an involuntary reason for giving it.  Something that almost springs from inside of you that has to find its way out.  The compliment needs to be authentic.

The BEST way to give a compliment is to compliment a choice or decision that she has made. You want to compliment her way of thinking that makes her unique and different from the hundred other women who may be at the bar, party, train station (hey, you never know) that night…

More to Come…

Man Law #56 – Understand Female Psyche 101 – A Million Reasons Why She Won’t Sleep with You; A Million Reasons Why She Just Did…

October 18, 2009 7 comments

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If you’ve ever asked someone to describe WHY they slept with someone else, chances are they were not  100% honest.

"I'm going to sleep with this guy...now I just need to figure out how to make it look like an accident..."

"I'm going to sleep with this guy...now I just need to figure out how to make it look like an accident..."

The majority of men might answer “Well, uhhhh, she was there…and it seemed like a good idea at the time.” While this might work in locker rooms and when guys get together to discuss their weekend shenanigans (not that most guys would really question WHY he slept with a girl or say anything more than “Good Job“), a woman will tend to provide lengthy doctorial-worthy explanations why she slept with someone.  Her answer of “He was there…” are way to simplified and if that was the case, most women need only step outside in order to be bombarded with sexual advances. Case in point, if you sent a man and woman of relatively the same attractiveness level outside to see who could collect five phone numbers of the opposite sex fastest, 9 times out of 10, if not in every case, the woman would win.

With the exception of the following scenario where a one night stand turns into a guy who became obsessed with her and she will change her answer from “He was cute” to “It was a mistake“, most women will have a specific checklist of bullet-point matches that she has devised in order to provide plausible deniability for her actions.  The key point to remember is that something about the GUY or the EVENT has to be “special”.  This is the only explanation that her harshest critics (her female friends) will give her a “pass” for… Great reasons to sleep with a guy that women won’t judge THAT negatively and give a “Free Pass”:

  • He was leaving the next day (or she was…)
  • It was his/her birthday or some event that warranted her acting crazy
  • A wedding or bachelorette party

Almost any singular “special” event that stands out, such as she was trapped in an elevator with Matthew McConaughey and one thing led to another that prevents it from seeming like just another  every day situation, will give her enough credibility and plausible deniability that she is not promiscuous.

"How can I make this all seem like I hadn't planned it all from the start..."

"How can I make this all seem like I hadn't planned it all from the start...Maybe having condoms on the table is a little too forward."

For those of you who maintain friendship relationships with women you have previously been romantic with or have  close platonic female friends, ask her WHY she slept with someone (or you) and you will see the exclamations start running. Don’t be surprised if you receive the following for an answer, “I don’t know, but at some point during the night, I decided I was going to F*** him…” which is all the explanation most guys would ever need…

Red Flags From Last Night: Red Flags Candidate Evaluation Form

October 16, 2009 1 comment

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Confused as to whether or not you like the guy you went on a date with last night? Have you been dating the same guy for a few weeks and can’t figure out if you like him or not?  First read the post “Red Flags From Last Night” for explanations of the form below then download the “Red Flags Candidate Evaluation Form” in PDF Format (Note: You will need Adobe Reader ) Scores of 20 or higher MUST be submitted to the original post, Red Flags From Last Night.

Man Theory – Red Flags From Last Night, Part I.

October 13, 2009 6 comments

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RFLN_header

(Editorial Note: Ladies, Download your Red Flags Candidate Evaluation Form for a complete post-review of your date. )

A few weeks ago, I requested from both girls and guys their lists of Red Flags when out on a date… While I had my own hypothesis, I wanted to hear it straight from the horses’ mouth. When I asked the guys, the most common response was “I’ll think about it and get back to you”.

They never got back.

It’s clear that when a guy is attracted to a woman, he is much less susceptible to physical or personality trait “flaws”. In other words, our standards aren’t that high

Now, when I asked women what their Red Flags were, they came in by the bushel.  So much so that I had to LIMIT the number of Red Flags that they sent in (i.e. “Please limit to 2000 words or less”).

The good news is that Red Flags are PERSONALITY Red Flags and CAN be corrected.  The bad news is that most of the time, the people who exhibit these Red Flags are completely unaware that they are turning the other person off… Gentlemen, listen up…because this is what you need to hear… We  all fall victim to delusions of grandeur, yet do it in moderation, don’t get too cocky!…Pay Attention!

Whilst Red Flags came in many shapes and forms, listed below were the most frequent Red Flags sent by women:

The P.I.T. – Pedophile In Training – Overly-Touchy (Hands like a Wet Mop) –While touch is essential to any potentially romantic connection, TOO much touching is a huge turn off and red flag. As a general rule, if she is not giving you direct signals of interest (dilated pupils, hair tosses, initiating touch), hands off Gentlemen.  Slapping asses and grabbing were all listed multiple times as being red flags for most women.  Being Pushy, Excessive Controlling and Clingy should all be avoided. Ultimately, you want her to open up to touching you without her feeling rushed or pushed into it.

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"Why am I paying HALF when you ordered the 24 OZ Rib-Eye, Two Glasses of Red Wine, and appetizer and I ordered the salad and water?"

Elevator-Eye Syndrome (Up and Down, Up and Down, Up and Down…)– If your eyes travel up and down her body (like an Elevator), you can be pretty sure she will notice… This was another common Red Flag…There is a very sexual way you can look at a woman, but you have to look into her eyes…not her chest . STRIKE 1!

Mr.  Braggart – Excessive Talk of Money (“Did I mention I drive a <insert fancy car>…Ok…continue talking about what you did for Mother’s Day”)–  Another common Red Flag were guys who “bragged” about how much money they had…Now most men don’t do this explicitly, it was more so the “listing of possessions” that indicated one had a lot of money. Money can be a sensitive issue in dating and while you might have a lot of it, talking about this seemed universally to turn off most women.  In fact, it seems that the more you have, the more effort you need to make to seem like these objects do not define who you are…

The Self-Absorbed (“Hey, stop talking to me, can’t you see I’m checking myself out in the mirror”) –   Nearly all women mentioned guys that seemed overly concerned about their appearance as a huge red flag… It’s all right to be slightly metrosexual, but if you have enough gel in your hair to make a porcupine go “Yikes”, tone it down a bit…

The Inattentive(“I’m sorry what were you saying? I was looking at the girl over there…”) – If the guy pays more attention to the waitress with big breasts than her, was a HUGE Red Flag.  If a guy is looking at his phone, texting, e-mailing, and being unresponsive while in the middle of a conversation;  When a guy acts in any way that acts like he’s not interested in being there with YOU in any way… These were all common Men Flags… Gentlemen, remember to take your Ritalin and Adderrall before the date… STRIKE 2!

The “Lambda Lambda Lambda” Look (Self Explanatory – Click Here) Appearance can go a long ways in men’s favor.  You NEED to have a sense of style. This doesn’t mean every article of clothing needs to look like you stepped off the cover of GQ, it does need to mean you have the ability to dress for the occasion. While every girl might have a typical look that they tend to be attracted to such as the Jock look versus the Club Guy look versus the Just-Came-Out-of-a-2Pac video look, the Universal Red Flag was the “I Just Crawled Out of Bed” on a first date look.  Several of the horror stories I received had girls showing up to fancy restaurants in high heels and a skirt where the guy came in khaki shorts and running shoes.  First dates are typically “weed out” dates so look nice gentlemen… This was a deal breaker for many women…Brush your teeth, Shower, Comb your hair…throw some cologne on…

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"Wait...You are 24 and you've been divorced HOW many times??"

“Forrest Gump” Syndrome – The Poor Conversationalist – Ultimately, many men are not born with the gift of gab as our female counterparts when it comes to conversation.  Scientific studies have shown that the female brain is more connected than the male’s brain, which as a result allows them to draw from different areas of the brain at a higher frequency. In summary, they are smarter than us. They know this and typically, they forgive us for our stupidity in most social situations.  However, the big conversational no-no’s:

  • Don’t ask about her sexual history – You don’t want to know! Just be glad you MIGHT be a part of it sometime in the future if you don’t ask this question…
  • Don’t talk about your Exes – This gives a lot of women the impression that you aren’t over the EX if you bring her up, particularly In the first few dates..
  • Don’t tell her how much she reminds you of your mother – self-explanatory, I hope…
  • Even if you have a lot of it, don’t talk about money… Guys easily came across as bragging in this area…
  • Don’t Mention your list of “Hot Chicks” –One story received consisted of a guy who went on and on about how hot “Lindsay Lohan” was… This is locker room talk gentlemen…

The D.F.D. – “Drunk on First Date” – For the most part, most women warned against getting sloppy drunk on the first date.  This is not a good sign.  Alcohol can do wonders acting as a social lubricant, but be mindful of how much you drink. If you start slurring your words you can bet she notices. On the opposite end, don’t keep feeding her drinks. She will catch on if you seem “overly-eager” to keep her glass from reaching the bottom.
The Self-Proclaimed King – Population: Zero – RUDENESS – Lastly, the number one Red Flag that was sent in by most women was on being Rude. However, the red flag was not rudeness directed towards her on the date but others – waiters/waitresses, bell-hops, strangers, etc.  In other words, if she noticed that the guy treats other people poorly, what does this say about him and how he would treat her?  The problem with rudeness is that most men don’t know that they are doing it which makes it such a turn off. You may be completely unaware of your rudeness and women will most likely hide any reactions that they have towards what they see.  So, gentlemen, we all know the asshole characteristic consistently is attractive to women despite what they say, yet you want to mix this with chivalrous characteristics – hold the door and let her go first, open her car door, wait until she gets into her building/house before leaving…Or as my Grandfather used to say, “The woman always comes first…inside the bedroom and out…” (loosely paraphrased). Rudeness Gentlemen….Strike 3, YERR OUTTTT!!

If you hear or see any of these, Ladies, your response needs to be “Check Please!” . These Red Flags were all sent in by a woman who has a weakness for Military men and are TRUE stories…they were so good, I had to keep them in their original form…Enjoy:

  • “If the guy you are seeing is leaving the country for a few months and you notice a 12-pack of condoms in his bag…Red Flag…”
  • “If they pull out a pocket knife and shave the arm of the guy standing next to you at the bar to show you how sharp his knife is… Red Flag…”

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    "OMG...Is that a dog breathing on me?"

  • “If he has a panic attack while driving and you’re in the passenger seat…Red Flag…”
  • “If he calls after the first date the next day and ask you to LIE to his insurance company regarding an incident that occurred after he dropped you off the night before…Red Flag…”
  • “If you find out the guy you have been seeing for a month is moving in with 3 girls, one of which he’s slept with before…RED FLAG…”

Stay Tuned. Gentlemen, Our Red Flags List is Next!

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