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Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101
A few weeks ago, I posted the popular “Art of Text, Part I”. To this day, it remains the single most popular post on the blog. In it, I cited the recently released book Flirtexting by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. These girls have been taking the world by storm with their new book and appeared on the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago (You can watch the full interview on their site Flirtexting.com). Through word of mouth and a bit of six degrees of separation, the blog came to their attention. After many weeks of courtship, love letters and flower sending, I was finally able to track down Debra and she agreed to an interview.Debra is a force to be reckoned with, forming her own personal shopping company, Fern Estelle, that has dressed some of the hottest
Ms. Debra Goldstein
A-list Celebs in Hollywood, it’s clear that she has some serious game. After speaking with these two girls and reading their book, it dawned on me that they are really teaching “Text-Defense for Women.” Guys are going to use whatever tools at their disposal to get the girl. The text is simply the latest and greatest in our arsenal. What Debra and Olivia have done is give a framework for how women should respond to a clueless guy who has forgotten that the cell phone can STILL place calls. Texting is not a replacement for phone calling… It is another way of getting to know someone and feeling them out in a way that is very low-pressure and is exactly where most guys want to start off…So unless you are still using a typewriter to schedule your dates, I suggest you read up!
Without further ado…
Ethan: You meet a hot guy at a bar on Saturday…You give him your contact information and you totally dig him. How do you feel when a guy Facebook Friends you the next day verses texting or calling? For instance, when I asked other woman about a guy who phonecalls the next day…they ALL described this guy as overly eager and this usually translated into loser and they became not-interested. Texting is my personal method of choice, but it seems that texting and Facebook friend request are now the next step in the “courtship” process in the information age. How do you feel about this?
Deb and Liv
Debra: We all know that when we meet someone we like, the first thing we do is google them or ask them to be our friend on Facebook. It’s a mixture of curiosity and taking precaution that makes us want a little bit more info before putting ourselves out there. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Because lets face it, if a new guy Facebook’s me and I see in his photos that he always wears V-Neck t-shirts, gels his hair, and lists Brokeback Mountain as his favorite movie, I know in advance that this relationship is not going to work. Yes, judging a book by its cover is wrong, but we all do it. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the Facebook sea.
Ethan: What do you think of guys who ASK you out on dates through text? Some women don’t mind while others that I’ve asked call this LAME. I, personally, reserve flirting for text messaging and CALL to plan dates…
Debra: In the world of dating I have found that finding a person who you have a special connection with comes far and few between. In a way, I am glad for this because it makes finding that person and those relationships that much more special. You know it when you see it. So when I give a guy my number and he chooses to “text me out” instead of asking me out over a telephone call, what that does is shows me where he stands and where he sees this relationship going…which is, not very far. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that this guy doesn’t see as much potential in having a serious relationship with me as a guy who decides to call me to ask me out. Knowing that is key! NOW with younger couples (i.e.: only dated after text) a guy who truly likes a girl might just text her first because he grew up in the age of Flirtexting and its all he knows. Be aware of this if you are under 21.
Ethan: From your past experiences, what has been the BEST text you’ve received and why? Describe the components of the BPT (Best Possible Text) that a guy should follow to get you out on a date with him after only meeting him once? Dos and Dont’s…
Debra: Guys need to be aware that their initial Flirtext to a girl is so important that we call it their “second first impression.” Where as before we judge guys by their “package”, today we judge guys by their “flirtexts”. Therefore their initial initial flirtext needs to be well thought out and perfect. The components in a perfect initial flirtext are as follows:
Deb and TUI
1. Never ask a girl out in your initial flirtext. You need to feel out if she actually likes you or if she just gave you her number so that you would leave her alone.
2. Bring up something that happened when you met or poke fun of something the two of you talked about. This will A) Trigger her memory as to who you are and B) Show her that you are thoughtful, clever, and a good listener.
3. Say something funny. Every girl lists “funny” as one of the top three qualities she looks for in a man. Make her laugh and you are on the right path to that first date.
For further information, be sure to follow Flirtexting on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/flirtexting) and be sure to check out their website (www.flirtexting.com)
Man Law #59 – Never Slavishly Follow Accepted Wisdom!
If there is one thing that the Unbreakable Man Laws hopes to instill, it’s the ability to think independently and critically of a situation. Find your own solutions. Read many different viewpoints even ones you disagree with. It’s important to always question the establishment and remember to understand the basis behind the decision rather than accepting it merely as “law” (pun intended). The reason behind this is it is often when we challenge our previously held belief system that we go through the most growth.
"Buy Me Flowers Dummy!"
Someone once told me a great story illustrating this point while I was standing in line at GNC purchasing Whey Protein. I do not have the slightest idea how we started talking about this topic in a Health Supplements store, but the gentlemen told me the following:
A family meeting for Thanksgiving Dinner is preparing the Turkey for that night. The mother, Ann, is having her kids, Barbara and John, help her with cooking the dish. Before placing the Turkey in the stove, the kids are told to cut off the top half of the turkey.
Both Barbara and John grow up and have kids and tell them the same thing.
“Mary, you have to cut the top half of the Turkey off before placing it in the stove.”
At one Thanksgiving, Ann, who is now a Grandmother, is helping with cooking dinner, and sees Mary cutting the top half off the turkey and she ask the child “What are you doing?”
Mary replies, “I’m cutting the top half off the Turkey! Just like Mom said!”
Ann turns to Mary’s mother, Barbara, also standing in the kitchen, “Honey, when I told you to cut the top half off the Turkey, it was because when we bought the house, our stove wasn’t big enough to fit the whole thing in it!”
When I went through college, I was only beginning to realize how the difference in upbringings and how so many people from so many different backgrounds could contribute to a situation in their own unique way. We gained strength in our difference of opinions. It forced us to understand one another rather than accepting what our parents, or even Grandparents might have taught us about others. If you are a Democrat, ask a Republican what they think of a situation; If you like Rock, ask someone who likes Rap what they think of a song; If you are a Yankees Fan, continue to dislike the Red Sox (nothing good can come of that partnership).
Question everything!
Questioning the established way of doing things is different from rebelling against the established way. Perhaps there is a solid reason why we look both ways before crossing the street. Don’t just jay-walk because you can…
"Thoroughly Think It Through!"
Even more important than the answer to the question is the process you go through to discover it. Many individuals including myself have forgotten what it is like to REALLY do research. In the pre-google era, researching topics could take hours using the library’s card catalog system. When you went to the library to do research, you spent hours finding books and gathering articles. Nowadays, if we have to search longer than five minutes on a single subject, we declare the topic unanswerable.
Don’t give up so easily.
The process to finding the answer is more important than the answer itself. The persistence and strength you gain through your search for the truth, will pay off in the long run in all things – whether it is relationships, money, or your career.
With that said:
- The World Really IS Flat…
- The Moon really IS made out of cheese.
- British people really DO have bad teeth…
- Africa really IS a country.
- Women Really DO want you to tell them how you feel…
Good luck! This is Ethan Bishop. Over and out.
Man Law #58 – A.B.D.S.E – Always Be Doing Something Else…
Few women will admit that they find men who they know will wait on them hand and foot to be EXTREMELY unattractive. Women have a special term that they throw around in their inner social circles for these types of guys , they call them “puppy dogs“.
Don’t laugh.
STAY FOCUSED....This may look like a simple game of beer pong..It's not... Woman love to lead you astray while you are hoping to score. Look for other situations where you find this happening...
Because chances are, you’ve been called one before; I know that I have.
Here is what often happens and gentlemen, we’ve all been there before, so don’t feel bad. Here is the situation -you are young, a tad bit experienced with women (or at least you think you are), going out all the time, having fun, you are inviting girls out left and right to have a good time…You finally go home with one attractive girl and have an amazing night….and what happens?
You are all over her…
Calling when you are supposed to, doing everything every woman has told you that you need to do…and yet…
She’s not interested.
Why?
Because women dislike that which comes easily to them…
Now working a one-night stand into something sustainable is another skill altogether, however, at the time, take it for what its worth. A One-Night Stand ends with that night. Chances are, both of you were drunk at the time and if you are not careful, she will easily regret sleeping with you, if you are all over her the day afterwards.
I didn’t realize this until mid-way through college that the girls I payed MORE attention to, that I called on a regular basis, that I went out of my way to say hello to, were the girls, I NEVER got… I just could not figure it out. I was doing everything that other women SAID they wanted…and yet…nada.
That was until I learned…A.B.D.S.E. – Always Be Doing Something Else.
While I only learned this acronym recently, I learned the rule long ago. So simple, yet it was like a light switch had turned on. It was the guy who was actively involved with sports, lacrosse, music, baseball, whatever, the guy who was always doing something else he was passionate about, that women always found attractive… After I realized what was really happening, I got back involved. It was almost as if I had realized that I needed to stay active as a part of my past, then met a girl I thought I liked, stopped all of these things to focus on her, and then lost it all…
The first thing that should strike you right now if you are over 18 is..."JAIL BAIT". Just ignore these types of girls...overly sexualized and playing to our basic instincts as men.
Women are exceptional seducers. They will take an All-Star Quarterback and make him a whining little boy which she likes, but doesn’t respect. I realized that when I was involved with other activities, pursuing goals, declining invites to go out, that I was actually doing BETTER with women. In fact, the more that I pushed them away, the more they wanted to go out with me… It just didn’t make any sense…
Gentlemen, just about every woman that you know has gone home (or hooked up) with a guy that she would NEVER have thought she would have…These are the guys that break every idealistic characteristic that she wrote down in her diary. They like tall men and he’s short…They like well-educated lawyers and he dropped out of high school. Women constantly find themselves rationalizing why they went home with a guy that shatters every standard that they thought they had…
It is for this very reason that you need to Always Be Doing Something Else. Stay Active and Stay Focused. It is SO easy to become entranced with a woman who shows the slightest bit of interest in you, whether its a kiss on the cheek or she goes home with you that night. You need to act like nothing happened and keep on swimming…
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