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Archive for October 13, 2009

Man Theory – Red Flags From Last Night, Part I.

October 13, 2009 6 comments

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(Editorial Note: Ladies, Download your Red Flags Candidate Evaluation Form for a complete post-review of your date. )

A few weeks ago, I requested from both girls and guys their lists of Red Flags when out on a date… While I had my own hypothesis, I wanted to hear it straight from the horses’ mouth. When I asked the guys, the most common response was “I’ll think about it and get back to you”.

They never got back.

It’s clear that when a guy is attracted to a woman, he is much less susceptible to physical or personality trait “flaws”. In other words, our standards aren’t that high

Now, when I asked women what their Red Flags were, they came in by the bushel.  So much so that I had to LIMIT the number of Red Flags that they sent in (i.e. “Please limit to 2000 words or less”).

The good news is that Red Flags are PERSONALITY Red Flags and CAN be corrected.  The bad news is that most of the time, the people who exhibit these Red Flags are completely unaware that they are turning the other person off… Gentlemen, listen up…because this is what you need to hear… We  all fall victim to delusions of grandeur, yet do it in moderation, don’t get too cocky!…Pay Attention!

Whilst Red Flags came in many shapes and forms, listed below were the most frequent Red Flags sent by women:

The P.I.T. – Pedophile In Training – Overly-Touchy (Hands like a Wet Mop) –While touch is essential to any potentially romantic connection, TOO much touching is a huge turn off and red flag. As a general rule, if she is not giving you direct signals of interest (dilated pupils, hair tosses, initiating touch), hands off Gentlemen.  Slapping asses and grabbing were all listed multiple times as being red flags for most women.  Being Pushy, Excessive Controlling and Clingy should all be avoided. Ultimately, you want her to open up to touching you without her feeling rushed or pushed into it.

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"Why am I paying HALF when you ordered the 24 OZ Rib-Eye, Two Glasses of Red Wine, and appetizer and I ordered the salad and water?"

Elevator-Eye Syndrome (Up and Down, Up and Down, Up and Down…)– If your eyes travel up and down her body (like an Elevator), you can be pretty sure she will notice… This was another common Red Flag…There is a very sexual way you can look at a woman, but you have to look into her eyes…not her chest . STRIKE 1!

Mr.  Braggart – Excessive Talk of Money (“Did I mention I drive a <insert fancy car>…Ok…continue talking about what you did for Mother’s Day”)–  Another common Red Flag were guys who “bragged” about how much money they had…Now most men don’t do this explicitly, it was more so the “listing of possessions” that indicated one had a lot of money. Money can be a sensitive issue in dating and while you might have a lot of it, talking about this seemed universally to turn off most women.  In fact, it seems that the more you have, the more effort you need to make to seem like these objects do not define who you are…

The Self-Absorbed (“Hey, stop talking to me, can’t you see I’m checking myself out in the mirror”) –   Nearly all women mentioned guys that seemed overly concerned about their appearance as a huge red flag… It’s all right to be slightly metrosexual, but if you have enough gel in your hair to make a porcupine go “Yikes”, tone it down a bit…

The Inattentive(“I’m sorry what were you saying? I was looking at the girl over there…”) – If the guy pays more attention to the waitress with big breasts than her, was a HUGE Red Flag.  If a guy is looking at his phone, texting, e-mailing, and being unresponsive while in the middle of a conversation;  When a guy acts in any way that acts like he’s not interested in being there with YOU in any way… These were all common Men Flags… Gentlemen, remember to take your Ritalin and Adderrall before the date… STRIKE 2!

The “Lambda Lambda Lambda” Look (Self Explanatory – Click Here) Appearance can go a long ways in men’s favor.  You NEED to have a sense of style. This doesn’t mean every article of clothing needs to look like you stepped off the cover of GQ, it does need to mean you have the ability to dress for the occasion. While every girl might have a typical look that they tend to be attracted to such as the Jock look versus the Club Guy look versus the Just-Came-Out-of-a-2Pac video look, the Universal Red Flag was the “I Just Crawled Out of Bed” on a first date look.  Several of the horror stories I received had girls showing up to fancy restaurants in high heels and a skirt where the guy came in khaki shorts and running shoes.  First dates are typically “weed out” dates so look nice gentlemen… This was a deal breaker for many women…Brush your teeth, Shower, Comb your hair…throw some cologne on…

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"Wait...You are 24 and you've been divorced HOW many times??"

“Forrest Gump” Syndrome – The Poor Conversationalist – Ultimately, many men are not born with the gift of gab as our female counterparts when it comes to conversation.  Scientific studies have shown that the female brain is more connected than the male’s brain, which as a result allows them to draw from different areas of the brain at a higher frequency. In summary, they are smarter than us. They know this and typically, they forgive us for our stupidity in most social situations.  However, the big conversational no-no’s:

  • Don’t ask about her sexual history – You don’t want to know! Just be glad you MIGHT be a part of it sometime in the future if you don’t ask this question…
  • Don’t talk about your Exes – This gives a lot of women the impression that you aren’t over the EX if you bring her up, particularly In the first few dates..
  • Don’t tell her how much she reminds you of your mother – self-explanatory, I hope…
  • Even if you have a lot of it, don’t talk about money… Guys easily came across as bragging in this area…
  • Don’t Mention your list of “Hot Chicks” –One story received consisted of a guy who went on and on about how hot “Lindsay Lohan” was… This is locker room talk gentlemen…

The D.F.D. – “Drunk on First Date” – For the most part, most women warned against getting sloppy drunk on the first date.  This is not a good sign.  Alcohol can do wonders acting as a social lubricant, but be mindful of how much you drink. If you start slurring your words you can bet she notices. On the opposite end, don’t keep feeding her drinks. She will catch on if you seem “overly-eager” to keep her glass from reaching the bottom.
The Self-Proclaimed King – Population: Zero – RUDENESS – Lastly, the number one Red Flag that was sent in by most women was on being Rude. However, the red flag was not rudeness directed towards her on the date but others – waiters/waitresses, bell-hops, strangers, etc.  In other words, if she noticed that the guy treats other people poorly, what does this say about him and how he would treat her?  The problem with rudeness is that most men don’t know that they are doing it which makes it such a turn off. You may be completely unaware of your rudeness and women will most likely hide any reactions that they have towards what they see.  So, gentlemen, we all know the asshole characteristic consistently is attractive to women despite what they say, yet you want to mix this with chivalrous characteristics – hold the door and let her go first, open her car door, wait until she gets into her building/house before leaving…Or as my Grandfather used to say, “The woman always comes first…inside the bedroom and out…” (loosely paraphrased). Rudeness Gentlemen….Strike 3, YERR OUTTTT!!

If you hear or see any of these, Ladies, your response needs to be “Check Please!” . These Red Flags were all sent in by a woman who has a weakness for Military men and are TRUE stories…they were so good, I had to keep them in their original form…Enjoy:

  • “If the guy you are seeing is leaving the country for a few months and you notice a 12-pack of condoms in his bag…Red Flag…”
  • “If they pull out a pocket knife and shave the arm of the guy standing next to you at the bar to show you how sharp his knife is… Red Flag…”

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    "OMG...Is that a dog breathing on me?"

  • “If he has a panic attack while driving and you’re in the passenger seat…Red Flag…”
  • “If he calls after the first date the next day and ask you to LIE to his insurance company regarding an incident that occurred after he dropped you off the night before…Red Flag…”
  • “If you find out the guy you have been seeing for a month is moving in with 3 girls, one of which he’s slept with before…RED FLAG…”

Stay Tuned. Gentlemen, Our Red Flags List is Next!

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