Archive for June 8, 2010

Man Law#78 – “Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing…”

June 8, 2010 6 comments

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“I remember making a long list of what I wanted in someone—and I lost the list, but I found the guy,” – Sigourney Weaver (In the article “A Force of Nature,”  Parade Magazine, 11/29/2009)

Write the name of this picture down Gentlemen, because every woman you date will likely know it - "Le Baiser de L'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950" by Robert Doisneau

Life is action. Too many of us strive to wait until conditions are absolutely perfect before making a move. Whether it’s in regards to relationships and being extremely selective with who we date to making a choice that requires us to take a chance for once in our life. We are expected to make mistakes along the way while we figure out who we are and what to do with ourselves.  The key is that we cannot be afraid to make a move in the first place. Go Forward. Get Moving. Take a Chance. The plane is going to take off whether you are at the airport or not.

Nature has a funny way of showing us the path we need to follow. Often, when we are NOT looking for something, that very thing will fall into our lap. We don’t even realize that the answer is right there in front of us.  The second we stop wondering if we are there yet – we’ve arrived. Are you looking for millions of dollars to appear tomorrow on your doorstep? Here is one dollar to start you off, lets see what you can do with it. Make it a million. That’s nature.

I’m not a huge believer in soul mates. I believe that if you find someone that makes you happy, you should give it a chance and see where it goes. Just because he or she does not meet your laundry list of requirements, does not mean that person is not right for you.

Although this may be hard to believe, anytime I meet someone to whom I am extremely attracted, I’ve taught myself to just take it slow. This is very different from failing to act or pursuing this person. It’s so easy for us to meet someone we’re attracted to and think we’re in love when we don’t know that person at all and are instead infatuated with the idea of her. I have very rarely seen someone and immediately thought – she’s the one. Only after meeting with her for weeks/months do I wake up one day and literally say to myself:

“Holy shit, I think I love this person.”

Enjoy The Moment.

However, as a young lad, I would frequently go through a period of what guys commonly refer to as “dryspells.” While women make claims this happens to them too, for men this is not a choice. During this time period, anything with a pulse is fair game.  The second any woman showed the slightest bit of interest. Love struck.
In high school, we didn’t use unmanly terms like “love”, so we replaced it with “like.” While all men are different, it has been my experience that the vast majority of guys have a hard time determining how they feel at any given moment.  Although the guy knows that he feels something, its sometimes a challenge for him to verbally communicate this to others. For example, guys receive the following advice from upper classmen like I did:

Joe Freshman: “I think I like this girl in Bio. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
John Upperclassman:”Woooahhhh…Slow down buddy. Here’s what you do. A good way of telling if you really like someone is to jerk off. If you are still thinking about the same person after your done…son, well you may be in love.”

— What?? —

Luckily, I’ve learned through experience and over time, that there are better indicators of love than the advice John Upperclassman had bestowed on me. Too often people look at love as a final destination, when they really should see it as a life long journey.

Ladies and Gents, don’t hold out waiting for some mythical person that may never arrive. Go out, live each day and be open to new experiences.  Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing so when you DO find that person that makes you happy. Enjoy it.  Live each day like it will be your last, and never take each other for granted.

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