Home > Man Law > Man Law#78 – “Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing…”

Man Law#78 – “Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing…”

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“I remember making a long list of what I wanted in someone—and I lost the list, but I found the guy,” – Sigourney Weaver (In the article “A Force of Nature,”  Parade Magazine, 11/29/2009)

Write the name of this picture down Gentlemen, because every woman you date will likely know it - "Le Baiser de L'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950" by Robert Doisneau

Life is action. Too many of us strive to wait until conditions are absolutely perfect before making a move. Whether it’s in regards to relationships and being extremely selective with who we date to making a choice that requires us to take a chance for once in our life. We are expected to make mistakes along the way while we figure out who we are and what to do with ourselves.  The key is that we cannot be afraid to make a move in the first place. Go Forward. Get Moving. Take a Chance. The plane is going to take off whether you are at the airport or not.

Nature has a funny way of showing us the path we need to follow. Often, when we are NOT looking for something, that very thing will fall into our lap. We don’t even realize that the answer is right there in front of us.  The second we stop wondering if we are there yet – we’ve arrived. Are you looking for millions of dollars to appear tomorrow on your doorstep? Here is one dollar to start you off, lets see what you can do with it. Make it a million. That’s nature.

I’m not a huge believer in soul mates. I believe that if you find someone that makes you happy, you should give it a chance and see where it goes. Just because he or she does not meet your laundry list of requirements, does not mean that person is not right for you.

Although this may be hard to believe, anytime I meet someone to whom I am extremely attracted, I’ve taught myself to just take it slow. This is very different from failing to act or pursuing this person. It’s so easy for us to meet someone we’re attracted to and think we’re in love when we don’t know that person at all and are instead infatuated with the idea of her. I have very rarely seen someone and immediately thought – she’s the one. Only after meeting with her for weeks/months do I wake up one day and literally say to myself:

“Holy shit, I think I love this person.”

Enjoy The Moment.

However, as a young lad, I would frequently go through a period of what guys commonly refer to as “dryspells.” While women make claims this happens to them too, for men this is not a choice. During this time period, anything with a pulse is fair game.  The second any woman showed the slightest bit of interest. Love struck.
In high school, we didn’t use unmanly terms like “love”, so we replaced it with “like.” While all men are different, it has been my experience that the vast majority of guys have a hard time determining how they feel at any given moment.  Although the guy knows that he feels something, its sometimes a challenge for him to verbally communicate this to others. For example, guys receive the following advice from upper classmen like I did:

Joe Freshman: “I think I like this girl in Bio. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
John Upperclassman:”Woooahhhh…Slow down buddy. Here’s what you do. A good way of telling if you really like someone is to jerk off. If you are still thinking about the same person after your done…son, well you may be in love.”

— What?? —

Luckily, I’ve learned through experience and over time, that there are better indicators of love than the advice John Upperclassman had bestowed on me. Too often people look at love as a final destination, when they really should see it as a life long journey.

Ladies and Gents, don’t hold out waiting for some mythical person that may never arrive. Go out, live each day and be open to new experiences.  Love rarely calls on us at a time of our choosing so when you DO find that person that makes you happy. Enjoy it.  Live each day like it will be your last, and never take each other for granted.

  1. June 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    So true! Great post.

  2. DJ Long
    June 8, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Another great point so eloquently stated. I have gone through a number of dryspells in my day (currently in one), but try to do the mental check to slow down the process to ensure I’m using a clear head and unclouded mind when I assess the romantic involvement. It isn’t that I’m shying away from a potential relationship beyond the physical, but to know in myself whether the potential for long term exists. Granted, I, like everyone else in the free world, have a short list of “most-haves” and “would-really-like-to-haves” from a potential partner. But these are very basic in the nature of knowing myself and what I need for human interaction, such as the ability to hold a conversation about certain current events and sound intelligent and competent, some athleticism, sense of humor and a joy for music. Nothing too outlandish requiring a particular height or shape or level of economic status, etc. because that would be unrealistic. Also, by taking things a bit slow to start, and even this speed will truly be dependent upon how strong the sentiments are, of course. For me this process helped me to determine that with one of my last romantic interactions wasn’t we weren’t quite on the same page. She, like many a young woman, was pushing for the solid relationship with a good man and potential provider. I was open to the prospect, but not yet sold on the idea of her. We had many commonalities, except she was way too over anxious to the point of having my sisters and close female friends asking, “who is this chick posting those comments on your fb page?” So, definitely take things slow when need be and also employ Laws 56, 52, 51 & 43. But maintain an openness so as not to miss out on possibilities and probabilities for something better.

  3. Anonymous
    June 9, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    I think you’re right about women and “dry spells”. Our “dry spells” should be called “I’m tired of dealing with men’s bullshit so I’m going to focus on my yoga for the next 3 months spells”. I absolutely agree with this entry and timing is important as well.
    I wouldn’t have been in a position to take a chance on love last year because I was working too much and I wasn’t sure if I planned on relocating but now it’s an idea that I’m willing to entertain if the right person comes along because my schedule will allow it.
    DJ Long has a great point. If two people aren’t on the same page, it won’t work. Men can be just as over anxious as women. In my opinion men can be worse since they are typically more aggressive. Everyone in the dating world needs to take a step back and chill out. What’s the rush? Just have fun and get to know eachother. Everyone in long term relationships will tell you,the beginning is the fun part.

    • June 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Anonymous. Agree with you completely. Both men and women have areas they can work on – the goal is to enjoy the moment and have fun with it!

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