The Unbreakable Man Laws

“Men don’t grow up, their toys get more expensive.” – Anonymous

Man Law #85 has been brewing for a few years since before the inception of Man Law. The idea originated back in 2003 and even prior to that, I noticed the behavior amongst women, no matter what their age. Whether they were 9 or 90, I noticed strikingly similar characteristics.

Coincidence?

Now brace yourself. Ladies, if you are easily offended, be sure to skip the next paragraph, or just click here.

"I'm not a Queen, yet."

For those of you still with us, the working title of this post was “No matter how old she is, there’s a 7 year old spoiled-little-princess-celebrating-HER-birthday trying to get out…” You have to ask yourself, what made me come to this conclusion? The “fact” that you hear out of the mouths of women is that “girls mature faster than boys.” For the most part, that is true. But lets clarify what we mean by maturity!

What women are really saying is that, girls become SOCIALLY mature faster than boys – they are more aware of social situations, feelings people exhibit when under duress (important), and patterns that make them (women) appear more situated in social settings. Perhaps it’s because they feel that more people are watching them and are proactively making sure they are good from an early age.

Guys just don’t care.

My parents love to tell their friends, co-workers, and anyone who will listen, how I was kicked out of Montessori school at an early age.  Who knew that girl’s arms weren’t meant to be bitten? I mean its not common sense is it? Those fingers look like juicy little sausages.

Moving on. Right through Elementary school, I saw the Principal so often I was pretty much on a first name basis with her.  I still don’t know ANY girls sent to the Principal’s office during Elementary School but if you were one of them, please e-mail me at EthanBishop@unbreakablemanlaws.com .

Originally, this post was to focus more on how women can be in their late 80s and still act the whiny brat of their youths and if you don’t believe me, hang out at a nursing home for a few hours.  Is this a bad thing?

Not really.

But here’s the idea, a woman who acts this way around you, is giving you a good sign.  She is looking for YOU to be the man – ruthlessly decisive, stern, powerful, unmoving, strong with a subtle, perhaps even gentle, touch. This is a very good position to be in because if she is letting down her guard and allowing you to see her vulnerability she is giving you the chance to step forward, and be the guy that  society has been saying she’s been looking for since she was still in diapers.  This isn’t the woman that is seen giving keynote speeches in front of hundreds of people or at the head of the table in the boardroom. This is the woman she allows YOU to see. Since most men need visible audible or physical cues in order to proceed, here is what you listen for  – a higher pitched voice (for the musicians out there, think an octave (or five octaves) higher if she is REALLY putting on the helpless girl front).

Gentlemen, if this situation happens to you, first thing you want to do is close your mouth, breath all the air out of your system through your nose, and remain calm. I state this mainly as a reminder to myself because my default behavior is to – in some way, shape, or form, become defensive. And this isn’t attractive to anyone…

Ok, Some girls really will be the Queen, but you better believe Prince William is going to have to tell Kate Middleton whose running the Empire behind Buckingham Palace doors.

At some point in your life, its very likely you are going to have to tell your woman to “Sit Down and Shut.The.Fuck. Up.”

Some women are reading this with shocked open mouths, and others just know that the truth is being spoken right here. They press these boundaries to see how far they can take you before you start acting like a man, but gentlemen, remember who you are in these times… and remember these words. She needs to know that you mean business… Don’t confuse this with a meatheaded Jersey Boy gym rat, all steroid-ed up, but rather a calm yet stern focus – Maximus is always a good example. He only raises his voice when he needs to, but when he does, he means business.

There are a lot of women out there who don’t want you to hear this message. Not in today’s society. The goal right now for women is to outwardly appear as autonomous, completely independent beings – “We don’t need men” and anything less is considered weak.  This is a façade and gentlemen, don’t believe it for a second.

The truth is, or The Unbreakable Truth is that while they may not need men, they want men. As long as you silently say this to yourself  (and this doesn’t always mean they want *you*), a lot of relationship situations will make more sense.

In my personal experience, the best relationships have been the ones that supported my endeavors no matter how big or small. It doesn’t matter if I’m climbing Mt. Everest or cooking a hotdog, she’s there by my side and tacitly understands that the more I’m able to focus on achieving these things, the better it is for us….

To quote Chris Rock, who may be the most crass man on the planet but has yet to say anything that I have not found to be true from experience.

“You say that shit like a man, make a little eye contact…

put a little bass in your voice, she will do. that. shit.

She wants to do that shit.

She’s dying to do that shit.

” – Chris Rock.

Truer words have yet to be spoken.

This is Ethan Bishop. Over and out.

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