Home > Man Law > Man Law #87 – Five Days Together is Two Days Too Many…

Man Law #87 – Five Days Together is Two Days Too Many…


Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

K.I.S.S. Keep. It. Short. Stupid. Never spend more than three days together (at first).

::Names and Dates Have been Changed To Protect The Innocent. ::

A few weeks ago, possibly years, or maybe yesterday, I  invited someone to stay with me for a few days, lets call her Lena. This wasn’t just anyone but someone who I “might” start dating.  I say “might” because sometimes you don’t know you two dated until you see a Facebook status update stating how some “douchebag” hasn’t talked to her in months and by “douchebag” she means you…

Too Much Salt, Spoils The Meal...

Through e-mails and Facebook, we got along great. The attraction was there.  A few exchanges of pictures and it was clear…

It.was.on.

When we finally decided to meet for the first time, I made the mistake that anyone who was thinking clearly would have seen from the next country over. She lived a short plane flight away and so when I invited her down, I thought “Who knows when the next time we’d see each other would be? 3-5 Days sounds good. What difference could two extra days make?”

A HUGE Difference.

For what its worth, a serious family issue arose the very next day after she arrived.  So serious in fact, that Lena was debating leaving that same night. Luckily, everyone turned out ok and everything went alright.  No one can control these things but when you barely know the person, this leaves some understandable awkwardness. If it was just a single night out, rescheduling would be the obvious choice, but there was nowhere for either of us to go! And this left us to an area of co-habitation..

When you live with roomates, no matter how great you got along before, they will find a way to piss you off. One person likes the temperature to read TROPICAL while the other prefers it slightly above freezing. (Editorial Note: If the other residents of the household have a year-round fur coat and walk on all fours, you might be able to tell which type you are dealing with.) One person will leave the kitchen light on at night, while another never puts the dishes away since everyone else was unknowingly hired as a maid service when the lease was signed. These aren’t things you can REALLY tell about a person until you start living with them…

And then you find out.

So when you start seeing someone, as much as you might like them, make sure you schedule some down time apart. Too much time together can  exhaust anyone. The funny thing is – I know this, I knew this, and the second I was face-to-face in that exact same situation, forgot it.

The Unbreakable Man Laws (n) – an online mental reminder list of all the mistakes I never want to make again!

If the two of you connected quickly in one form or another, Its too much and you don’t have the history of previous experience to give you the necessary “oomph” that is needed. A lot of women (and some men) will say, “Hey, if he can’t remember to put the toilet seat down, maybe he won’t remember to show up for the wedding either…NEXT” It sounds funny at first, but guys have been thrown to the curb for much less. (i.e. “He said he was on a diet and he just ordered a cheeseburger. I guess he’s not the one.” True story).

I’ll take it one step further to say that unless you’ve gotten into a solid argument with the other person (and for one, I don’t believe people can have a real relationship if you never argue), don’t spend more than three days of uninterrupted time with her. Wait until that first REAL argument. If she has thrown objects at you, DING DING DING, thats an even better indicator that you are ready to go for that fourth day.

With this past instance, because we had gone through several weeks of talking solely through e-mail and Facebook (luckily for me, we both hate the phone), when we finally met in person, I think we became too comfortable. After the third day of spending every waking moment together, you may inadvertently start slipping into behavior of a past relationship and unconsciously start acting in a way that isn’t appropriate for whom you are with right now. And that is exactly what happened.

In retrospect, I learned a lot from the experience. Sometimes you have to lose to win.   While I have no regrets and despite how things turned out in the end, I had a fantastic time.  I pretty much always have a good time. While I made a lot of mistakes with her mostly within the 72 hour mark, I think most of them would have been overlooked had there been some down time and space between us. Will we meet again sometime in the future, no one knows, but I’ll be sure not to make this same mistake again. You live, you learn… I’ll be sure to take different steps with the next person.

Who knows, maybe I should have shown up at the airport with flowers?

Naahhhhhhh…

So Gentlemen, next time you invite that lady friend down to stay with you, or if she lives only fifteen minutes away, make sure you don’t rush into things and spend too much time together.  As much as you want to connect, that time apart is just as important to have,  as the time together.

This is a Public Service Announcement from Ethan Bishop.

Making mistakes right around the clock, so you don’t have to…

And Lena, if you happen to stumble upon this post many years in the future, know this:

“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”  – Jack Kerouac

Inviting any and all to comment.

Advertisements
  1. June 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    I was dealing with the same issue. I told this guy it was just too soon in the relationship for him to be showing his ass. After three days of plans together it was like he felt so comfortable that he forgot that he still needed to impress me. He was surprised that I was ready to never speak to him again but when you don’t really know someone its always evident the moment you have your first sort of fight. When you know someone you know what to say to piss them off when you don’t know someone the only thing you can really do is stop talking to them. I’m not the best communicator so it takes me awhile to get to know people but I think you need to take it slowly no matter how strong your feelings are, you can’t rush the getting to know you process.

  2. Jack Black
    June 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    It tough to go on a long vacation with someone you just started dating. One of the most important things about these types of vacations is that its OK to spend time apart. One example of this is, not hanging out in the hotel room while your girl is getting ready. She needs her space and doesn’t want someone hanging around trying to speed her up. Tell her to text you when she is ready so you aren’t rushing her, and hang out at the hotel bar/lounge.

  3. DJ Long
    June 25, 2011 at 11:46 am

    I’ve done weekend trips with a girl I had just met and it actually went well. I didn’t alter how I acted too much. Granted, I was trying to impress her ever so slightly. But the trip went well, because I acted as I always would. She too loosened up. But, it was only for about 3 days and not an entire week. Though, I have had a few ote=hers come visit me from out of state/country and it went well. I gave them the space they needed and because of other things I couldn’t really take off from work so each made the most of the time chilling at my place. They may have gone through my stuff, but nothing was missing and it probably gave them a better idea of who I am/was. It did make it nice to come back home to someone there to relax with. However, I agree that in the beginning stages of what could be a weekend is probably long enough. If a short weekend trip someplace close goes well, then you look to plan a combined mini-vacation. Or even before that, just try staying at her place or have her over to yours for more than just the late night romp. Stay for brunch or go out and come back and see how you feel about things. I wish all good luck in their search for more…

  4. August 23, 2012 at 2:07 am

    Eu realmente amei ler o seu blog. Ele foi muito bem autoria e fácil de entender. Eu também achei seus posts muito interessante. Na verdade depois de ler, eu tive que ir mostrar para meu amigo e ele gostou também!

  5. August 25, 2012 at 5:12 am

    tenho uma coisinha que eu impressos e colocar perto de um telefone. Não faço ideia onde é agora, embora de modo que este é um bom post para me lembrar!

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: