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Man Law #57 – Compliment Her, Not the Genetics!
The compliment is one of the least understood and seldom perfected points of courtship. If you are in a social situation (i.e. that’s bar or party for those of you just joining us) and you meet someone new that you may be interested in dating, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance. Read this again, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance.
DANGER! DANGER! Both girls KNOW what you are looking at...Be sure to compliment her CHOICE in NECKLACES (Did you even notice?) and don't look down...
When I say physical, I am speaking about her body. Even though she may have size 34DDs, do not be the 334th guy to say that about her that month… Now, few men (I hope) reading this would be that out of touch to do something like that… Women are aware of the fact that men are very visual creatures. They use that to their advantage. Do not compliment them on that which will draw immediate and obvious attention. What was the first thing that you noticed in the picture on the right?
Yeah…
Her genetics are something that is completely the luck of the draw. So even though she may have been born looking like a Victoria Secret model, she had absolutely nothing to do about that and thus, she knows that you are only giving her a compliment based on her PHYSICAL appearance – An appearance that she knows does not represent how she always looks. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without make up on…
As a fundamental rule of thumb, compliments should ALWAYS be given WITH sincerity. If you don’t mean it…Don’t say it. Although science has not proven this yet, I am convinced that women have an 8th sense (in addition to the five already known) that allows them to see past BS.
Think of the art of giving compliments like the cherry in a daiquiri. They should ADD to an already pleasant experience, however, for maximum effect, you need to use them sparingly. Being overly complimentary of a woman will be a fast way to the friend zone. This will decrease your value and while she may feel good/great around you, she KNOWS that you do not know the true her. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without her make up on and you certainly haven’t seen her the morning after…
To ensure that your compliment is sincere, you should almost have an involuntary reason for giving it. Something that almost springs from inside of you that has to find its way out. The compliment needs to be authentic.
The BEST way to give a compliment is to compliment a choice or decision that she has made. You want to compliment her way of thinking that makes her unique and different from the hundred other women who may be at the bar, party, train station (hey, you never know) that night…
More to Come…
Man Law #56 – Understand Female Psyche 101 – A Million Reasons Why She Won’t Sleep with You; A Million Reasons Why She Just Did…
If you’ve ever asked someone to describe WHY they slept with someone else, chances are they were not 100% honest.
"I'm going to sleep with this guy...now I just need to figure out how to make it look like an accident..."
The majority of men might answer “Well, uhhhh, she was there…and it seemed like a good idea at the time.” While this might work in locker rooms and when guys get together to discuss their weekend shenanigans (not that most guys would really question WHY he slept with a girl or say anything more than “Good Job“), a woman will tend to provide lengthy doctorial-worthy explanations why she slept with someone. Her answer of “He was there…” are way to simplified and if that was the case, most women need only step outside in order to be bombarded with sexual advances. Case in point, if you sent a man and woman of relatively the same attractiveness level outside to see who could collect five phone numbers of the opposite sex fastest, 9 times out of 10, if not in every case, the woman would win.
With the exception of the following scenario where a one night stand turns into a guy who became obsessed with her and she will change her answer from “He was cute” to “It was a mistake“, most women will have a specific checklist of bullet-point matches that she has devised in order to provide plausible deniability for her actions. The key point to remember is that something about the GUY or the EVENT has to be “special”. This is the only explanation that her harshest critics (her female friends) will give her a “pass” for… Great reasons to sleep with a guy that women won’t judge THAT negatively and give a “Free Pass”:
- He was leaving the next day (or she was…)
- It was his/her birthday or some event that warranted her acting crazy
- A wedding or bachelorette party
Almost any singular “special” event that stands out, such as she was trapped in an elevator with Matthew McConaughey and one thing led to another that prevents it from seeming like just another every day situation, will give her enough credibility and plausible deniability that she is not promiscuous.
"How can I make this all seem like I hadn't planned it all from the start...Maybe having condoms on the table is a little too forward."
For those of you who maintain friendship relationships with women you have previously been romantic with or have close platonic female friends, ask her WHY she slept with someone (or you) and you will see the exclamations start running. Don’t be surprised if you receive the following for an answer, “I don’t know, but at some point during the night, I decided I was going to F*** him…” which is all the explanation most guys would ever need…
Man Theory – Red Flags From Last Night, Part I.
(Editorial Note: Ladies, Download your Red Flags Candidate Evaluation Form for a complete post-review of your date. )
A few weeks ago, I requested from both girls and guys their lists of Red Flags when out on a date… While I had my own hypothesis, I wanted to hear it straight from the horses’ mouth. When I asked the guys, the most common response was “I’ll think about it and get back to you”.
They never got back.
It’s clear that when a guy is attracted to a woman, he is much less susceptible to physical or personality trait “flaws”. In other words, our standards aren’t that high…
Now, when I asked women what their Red Flags were, they came in by the bushel. So much so that I had to LIMIT the number of Red Flags that they sent in (i.e. “Please limit to 2000 words or less”).
The good news is that Red Flags are PERSONALITY Red Flags and CAN be corrected. The bad news is that most of the time, the people who exhibit these Red Flags are completely unaware that they are turning the other person off… Gentlemen, listen up…because this is what you need to hear… We all fall victim to delusions of grandeur, yet do it in moderation, don’t get too cocky!…Pay Attention!
Whilst Red Flags came in many shapes and forms, listed below were the most frequent Red Flags sent by women:
The P.I.T. – Pedophile In Training – Overly-Touchy (Hands like a Wet Mop) –While touch is essential to any potentially romantic connection, TOO much touching is a huge turn off and red flag. As a general rule, if she is not giving you direct signals of interest (dilated pupils, hair tosses, initiating touch), hands off Gentlemen. Slapping asses and grabbing were all listed multiple times as being red flags for most women. Being Pushy, Excessive Controlling and Clingy should all be avoided. Ultimately, you want her to open up to touching you without her feeling rushed or pushed into it.
"Why am I paying HALF when you ordered the 24 OZ Rib-Eye, Two Glasses of Red Wine, and appetizer and I ordered the salad and water?"
Elevator-Eye Syndrome (Up and Down, Up and Down, Up and Down…)– If your eyes travel up and down her body (like an Elevator), you can be pretty sure she will notice… This was another common Red Flag…There is a very sexual way you can look at a woman, but you have to look into her eyes…not her chest . STRIKE 1!
Mr. Braggart – Excessive Talk of Money (“Did I mention I drive a <insert fancy car>…Ok…continue talking about what you did for Mother’s Day”)– Another common Red Flag were guys who “bragged” about how much money they had…Now most men don’t do this explicitly, it was more so the “listing of possessions” that indicated one had a lot of money. Money can be a sensitive issue in dating and while you might have a lot of it, talking about this seemed universally to turn off most women. In fact, it seems that the more you have, the more effort you need to make to seem like these objects do not define who you are…
The Self-Absorbed (“Hey, stop talking to me, can’t you see I’m checking myself out in the mirror”) – Nearly all women mentioned guys that seemed overly concerned about their appearance as a huge red flag… It’s all right to be slightly metrosexual, but if you have enough gel in your hair to make a porcupine go “Yikes”, tone it down a bit…
The Inattentive – (“I’m sorry what were you saying? I was looking at the girl over there…”) – If the guy pays more attention to the waitress with big breasts than her, was a HUGE Red Flag. If a guy is looking at his phone, texting, e-mailing, and being unresponsive while in the middle of a conversation; When a guy acts in any way that acts like he’s not interested in being there with YOU in any way… These were all common Men Flags… Gentlemen, remember to take your Ritalin and Adderrall before the date… STRIKE 2!
The “Lambda Lambda Lambda” Look (Self Explanatory – Click Here)– Appearance can go a long ways in men’s favor. You NEED to have a sense of style. This doesn’t mean every article of clothing needs to look like you stepped off the cover of GQ, it does need to mean you have the ability to dress for the occasion. While every girl might have a typical look that they tend to be attracted to such as the Jock look versus the Club Guy look versus the Just-Came-Out-of-a-2Pac video look, the Universal Red Flag was the “I Just Crawled Out of Bed” on a first date look. Several of the horror stories I received had girls showing up to fancy restaurants in high heels and a skirt where the guy came in khaki shorts and running shoes. First dates are typically “weed out” dates so look nice gentlemen… This was a deal breaker for many women…Brush your teeth, Shower, Comb your hair…throw some cologne on…
"Wait...You are 24 and you've been divorced HOW many times??"
“Forrest Gump” Syndrome – The Poor Conversationalist – Ultimately, many men are not born with the gift of gab as our female counterparts when it comes to conversation. Scientific studies have shown that the female brain is more connected than the male’s brain, which as a result allows them to draw from different areas of the brain at a higher frequency. In summary, they are smarter than us. They know this and typically, they forgive us for our stupidity in most social situations. However, the big conversational no-no’s:
- Don’t ask about her sexual history – You don’t want to know! Just be glad you MIGHT be a part of it sometime in the future if you don’t ask this question…
- Don’t talk about your Exes – This gives a lot of women the impression that you aren’t over the EX if you bring her up, particularly In the first few dates..
- Don’t tell her how much she reminds you of your mother – self-explanatory, I hope…
- Even if you have a lot of it, don’t talk about money… Guys easily came across as bragging in this area…
- Don’t Mention your list of “Hot Chicks” –One story received consisted of a guy who went on and on about how hot “Lindsay Lohan” was… This is locker room talk gentlemen…
The D.F.D. – “Drunk on First Date” – For the most part, most women warned against getting sloppy drunk on the first date. This is not a good sign. Alcohol can do wonders acting as a social lubricant, but be mindful of how much you drink. If you start slurring your words you can bet she notices. On the opposite end, don’t keep feeding her drinks. She will catch on if you seem “overly-eager” to keep her glass from reaching the bottom.
The Self-Proclaimed King – Population: Zero – RUDENESS – Lastly, the number one Red Flag that was sent in by most women was on being Rude. However, the red flag was not rudeness directed towards her on the date but others – waiters/waitresses, bell-hops, strangers, etc. In other words, if she noticed that the guy treats other people poorly, what does this say about him and how he would treat her? The problem with rudeness is that most men don’t know that they are doing it which makes it such a turn off. You may be completely unaware of your rudeness and women will most likely hide any reactions that they have towards what they see. So, gentlemen, we all know the asshole characteristic consistently is attractive to women despite what they say, yet you want to mix this with chivalrous characteristics – hold the door and let her go first, open her car door, wait until she gets into her building/house before leaving…Or as my Grandfather used to say, “The woman always comes first…inside the bedroom and out…” (loosely paraphrased). Rudeness Gentlemen….Strike 3, YERR OUTTTT!!
If you hear or see any of these, Ladies, your response needs to be “Check Please!” . These Red Flags were all sent in by a woman who has a weakness for Military men and are TRUE stories…they were so good, I had to keep them in their original form…Enjoy:
- “If the guy you are seeing is leaving the country for a few months and you notice a 12-pack of condoms in his bag…Red Flag…”
- “If they pull out a pocket knife and shave the arm of the guy standing next to you at the bar to show you how sharp his knife is… Red Flag…”
"OMG...Is that a dog breathing on me?"
- “If he has a panic attack while driving and you’re in the passenger seat…Red Flag…”
- “If he calls after the first date the next day and ask you to LIE to his insurance company regarding an incident that occurred after he dropped you off the night before…Red Flag…”
- “If you find out the guy you have been seeing for a month is moving in with 3 girls, one of which he’s slept with before…RED FLAG…”
Stay Tuned. Gentlemen, Our Red Flags List is Next!
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