Man Law #40 – Maintain the Edge through constant spontaneity. Women are ALWAYS looking for a reason to disqualify YOU as a potential partner.
You can be smart, attractive, funny, make a lot of money, but if your left arm hangs a bit lower than the right, you might be gone with next weeks trash. When it comes to being disqualified as a potential partner, it only takes a few instances for her to make a decision… You can think of it like the Freshman Engineering 101 weed out courses. They aren’t designed for you to pass…they are designed for you to FAIL. Women love coming up with a vigorous aptitude test to measure your stamina and competence level. Does he dress nice? Does he make me laugh? Does he match my shoes? Does he have a good job? Is his butt too big? Is his butt too small? How big is he down there?
DISQUALIFIED!
True story, a late twenty-something man and woman, decided to go out to dinner after meeting on Craigslist. The date went great except for one small factor that the woman could just not overlook. The poor lad made the mistake of saying he was planning on losing weight, yet the caloric intake of his meal was not conducive to facilitating this plan. In laymans terms, he ordered a hamburger and fries, when he should have ordered tofu and cottage cheese. Needless to say, this was the first and last time they went out. This momentary slip up was enough to send him back down to the cavernous depths of singledom.
The Husband Store Joke, perfectly illustrates her thinking when choosing a potential mate:
A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited…”
By maintaining constant spontaneity you are keeping the woman on her TOES. While it may seem like an oxymoron, another way of viewing constant spontaneity is “predictable unpredictability.” You have the edge. Once she is attracted to you, i.e., you have become the “focus” of her interest and attention, you always want to be a few steps ahead of her. You want her to be left figuring YOU out because once she writes you off as a JAA (“just another asshole”), you have been disqualified in her mind. Your little string of hook ups with her has ended. At first, she might have been attracted to you because you stood out from the crowd and were different. She now equates you with the rest of mankind, which to most women, is exceptionally low…
Many women are attracted to the bad boy image because she can never quite figure him out or control him. He always has that edge which is intriguing to her. She doesn’t grow bored with him and disqualify the man because being with him is exciting to her. Just when she thinks he is going to turn left, he turns right… As we stated in Man Law #33, her goal, is to state that she is the one who tamed you. While her goal may be to have you “behave”, your instinctual nature wants you to break away. The way to keep from being tamed is to maintain that edge. Don’t always tell her where you are going, what you are up to, and who you are with…let her figure it out…Maintaining the edge goes hand in hand with staying mysterious. Nothing will dampen the relationship faster than predictability…
Man Law #39 – ‘Man Talk’ – Utilize Situational Openers. Observe your Surroundings.
There are several different ways you can naturally approach a woman that you would like to get to know. Whatever you’ve heard about using scripted pick up lines, don’t do it. Most women consider them cheesy, hate them, or think they are just plain offensive. While they might be “flattered” that you came up to them, most pick up lines simply do not have the effect you would like them to have…
Perfect example! Asking her opinion on something in front of you is a great way to strike up a conversation...
The best way that I’ve observed to naturally open a conversation up with a woman (or really anyone) is by pointing out an object that both of you can see, immediately right there in front of you. For instance, showing interest in a book that she is reading will mark you as someone who is at the very least slightly intellectual. If you are at a museum, asking her opinion on the art piece in front of both of you, is a good way to broach the conversation… Likewise, if you are at a party/gathering, and you observe that she is eating food by the Hors d’Oeuvres table, asking her opinion by saying something to the extent of “Will I die if I eat this?”, will make her laugh and then following up with “How does it taste?” will get her to describe it. You’ve really already done the hard part at this point. Either way, this approach is not seen as “aggressive” .
(Editorial note: Be careful when at a concert or other performance and using a situational opener. This will draw her attention away from the performance and she might find it annoying. Better to ask what she thinks AFTER the concert is over than while it is happening. )
Again, this is where your Cultivation of Humor (Man Law #23) comes in handy… The first few times you meet her you want to keep things lighthearted, flirtatious, and stay away from heavily charged topics like her thoughts on the “War in Iraq” or her views on Health Care. Current events are great topics in a group setting but one-on-one, your primary focus should be learning about…yes…her. By asking her opinion, you are asking what SHE thinks which is very important in her getting comfortable with you.
The good thing about situational openers is that they work even after the two of you have met each other…You can use them the first time you meet her, or after you two have been dating for six months. For instance, If you are walking through a park, and see a pair of dogs mating, you could point it out to her and say “Don’t get any ideas…”. Wit mixed with observational skills is a powerful tool.
"Is it just me, or does it look like we are sitting on a male body part to you too?"
During the conversation, you want to stay in the moment. Don’t start talking about how drunk you got the night before or what you did at work today, especially with someone new. She doesn’t want to hear it. You want to keep the conversation right there in front of you. She might ask what you did last weekend, don’t fall for it gentleman…change the subject, its a trap. Use this opportunity to make something up so completely unbelievable that she has to laugh. You MUST do this with a straight face for the right effect.
Man Law #38 – ‘Man Talk’ – Cherry-Pick the Conversation.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Cherry-pick as the following
Cherry Pick [v] – \ˈcher-ē pik \ – to select as being the best or most desirable
Cherry-Picking the conversation in a nutshell is simply grabbing the elements from the conversation that she holds out for you...
To a man, a woman’s mind is made up of countless details with no beginning or end. She may talk for 15-20 minutes straight without you really knowing what she really is talking about…
The Art of Cherry-Picking the conversation is this, you pick certain elements (usually nouns) in the conversation that you can repeat back to her at a later point. You can think of these as bookmarks that you want to remember to re-visit (for you IT geeks that ‘page‘) at a later time. This will re-assure her that you were listening.
If a woman gets the impression that you are not listening to her, she may purposely steer the conversation in a direction that she KNOWs you will not be interested in… For instance, If she knows that you are a slight homophobe, and suddenly she is describing in detail the sex life of her gay best friend, MAKE SURE you have bookmarked some cherry-picked conversations from earlier. This is one of her many “test” and the ones who pass, make it to the next level or at the very least, are not disqualified as soon as you leave her field of vision or hang up the phone.
When this Man Law was first posted, it was another law that received negative feedback from some women. Many women tried to say that this was too manipulative and why should a guy “fake” that he is listening…
If done correctly, Cherry-Picking is active listening where both parties are involved. While the man might not immediately respond to the fact that you attended Columbia University, or that you had a cat named “Milo” when you were a kid, he MIGHT remember that you went to an Ivy League school in New York, or that you had a cat growing up, and while the details of which might be lost (hey, there’s is only so much you can ask of us), he did LISTEN. A lot of women will say to themselves “We know they are dumb, but he passed with a C average”…Passing with a C is remembering that she went to a good school in New York. Passing with a “B” would be knowing that she went to Columbia University in New York and her cat was named “Milo”, and passing with an “A”, would be mentioning an interesting fact that you know about Columbia that she does NOT know such as knowing that the founder of the School of Social Work which she mentioned she had a degree from, was “Dean Jeanette Takamura” in 1898. This is heavy seductive stuff, so if you pass with an A, her next question just might be “You’re place or mine?”
Cherry-Picking the conversation typically surprises women as they write off 90% of men as not listening which ends up hurting the man in the long run as this communicates to her that you do not care…
Another example of Cherry-Picking might go like this – if she mentions that she did a semester abroad in Spain as an undergrad, make a mental note in your head (“Spain”, “Semester Abroad”) while continuing the conversation! Then 10 minutes later or even an entire conversation later, mention her trip to Spain and she will know you were listening in the first place…When it comes to listening, women do not really have high expectations of men so just re-calling one or two things from a previous conversation will set you leaps and bounds apart from 95% of the guys she meets. If you do it correctly she’ll have a noticeable SHOCK on her face and say “I didn’t think you were listening!”
Other resources for listening:
- Mind Tools – Active Listening – Hear What People Are Really Saying
- Video on Active Listening – Learning Active Listening Skills
- Quick Date/Conversational Tips
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