Man Law #84 – Picking Up Women Is Not A Hobby – Find One.

March 19, 2011 3 comments

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Every now and then people ask for my advice on relationships and women, even more so since the creation of this blog.

I want to clear the air right now.

I am not a relationship expert, dating coach, nor do I play one on TV. I’ve never been married, engaged, given a promise-ring or any other new gimmick that is popular at the moment. While I have been in a few long-term-relationships, I would be lying to you if I could explain the hidden and unknown secret of a successful and happy relationship.  I know what has worked for me in the past and The Unbreakable Man Laws is my attempt to convey this in a humorous and entertaining way.  Some of the posts are written in jest, some are to be taken deeply serious, and others are meant to simply give you something controversial to talk about with your friends at the dinner table or bar.

With the public service announcement out of the way, let’s get to the heart of this post.  There is one message that I repeat throughout the blog in one form or another and that is – your life should never center around one person. Specifically, your happiness should not be dependent on someone else’s livelihood.  Albert Einstein put it this way:

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”

There is a time and place for women, don't make them 'the only place.'

There are a number of people who believe that by putting their significant other first that they are performing an honorable and noble act. They are tying their personal happiness to a specific individual. Should we sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of others? That’s a question without an answer and one that would likely receive ten different answers from ten different people. At some point after putting others before ourselves, you have to step back and take care of yourself – re-energize. There is only one point in your life that the answer of putting someone else in your life should come before your own and that is when it comes to your children.

As a man, I’m of the mindset that you need a specific activity that involves just you – an area of your personal life where you can see yourself making progress towards achieving a goal – whether its repairing motorcycles and computers or training in the gym.  A hobby that causes you to throw out all of the problems of the day and where your attention has to be specifically – in the moment. Some people choose a hobby in order to enter into marathons, triathlons, competitions, or they focus on their own artwork and creativity such as music and film. Whatever the case may be, you need one.

In the rush and fast pace of life – especially in the city, it’s easy for us to go from happy hour to happy hour and party after party without really thinking about our long term goals. Now, some people can go from event to event with flying colors and kick ass. Congratulations to them. I know myself well enough, and I know that I cannot. I need re-charge time. Pretty soon, half the year is over, and we look back and haven’t accomplished any of the New Years Resolutions (remember those?)  I feel that as a man, if you look back and you are sitting on the same couch, looking at the same TV, in the same (unhappy) relationship, making the same money (or less), then you need to get off your ass and move forward.

Throughout my life, I’ve done this through soccer, weight lifting, studying music, training in Brazilian Jiujitsu, and even writing to an extent. This is “Bishop Time” and while I’m involved with these activities, it allows me to tune out the outside world. These aren’t hobbies I take lightly – I study privately, have coaches or teachers, join organizations and teams and actively engage in them. The times where I’ve strayed farthest in life (for the worst) have been when all I really cared about was having a good time. It’s great for the first week or so, but then what…

The Great Oracle always said “Every guy wants a girl, but the guy on the street – thats all he wants…” This is the PG version of what he really said but the point is that you need to spend your time working on goals that will make a difference in your life and not solely on one person.  Its been my experience that the people who have your best interest in heart, will help you reach those goals and not make you choose between the goal and them…

So Gentlemen, man up, find something to get involved with, and I’m not talking about a high score in Angry Birds – start a blog, join a team, get involved with sports. If it seems like you’ve been treading water for a while and in the last few months you haven’t accomplished shit except an imprint on the couch, ask your friends for guidance but be prepared to make a decision – pick a date, time and do it. No excuses. This is your life! Own it.

Man Law #83 – Build As You Go!

February 16, 2011 1 comment

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Construction Workers

Your job is to plant the seed and build it. Her job is to make it grow.

“We can still be together, right here. In the world we built together” – Inception


It has been over a month since the last post, Man Law #82 – Fortune Favors The Bold hit the stands and needless to say, a number of people took the post to heart and ran with it. I have been honored and humbled by the countless number of personal messages and public recognition regarding this piece. A few people even surprised me with the question:

Mr. Bishop, Where is the next Man Law?

First, to the Unbreakable Audience and readers of the blog I wanted to tell you that A LOT has been going on behind the scenes as the blog continues to grow. While my friends and personal acquaintances can attest to the changes on the home front with relationship to my career, it is not always apparent, how these changes will affect the blog. Rest assured, there is much happening down like a boiling lava beneath the surface at The UML Command Center.

While the details are still under hush and whisper, you will see the results over the course of the next few months.

So, with that said, I’ll jump into the meat and potatoes of this post.

There is a general philosophy that I want to instill to the men out there reading the blog and that is the concept of “The Builder.” The women can sit back, relax and are encouraged to read, but this one is for the men out there.

Gentlemen, You want to be seen as a builder, someone who lifts people up, and moves them forward no matter where they are in life. Even though someone may seem to excel in one area of their life whether its sports, financials, women, you name it – there is probably an area that they fail miserably at – AND YOU ARE EXCELLENT. I ask for advice just about every single day and the day I stop, will be the day I die. I’m always learning…and right around the clock.

One of my old bosses, the father of 9 children, used to tell his sons and daughters that if you don’t learn something new every day, just turn back around and go back to sleep. I didn’t always agree with what he had to say, but I can be assured that I will remember this statement for the rest of my life and be sure to pass this on to those who come forth after me.

Now,  I want to make it clear that a successful relationship takes many components, many which I continue to learn on a daily basis but a primary one is the idea of building and creating together. From DAY ONE to your funeral, I don’t care if you just met her at the bar, you need to be thinking of creating with her – whether its cooking a dinner together on a Sunday Night (And I’m not talking about picking up the wine, at the very least, you need to be cutting up some vegetables), having the idea to play pool or darts right at the bar, building a city or a sand castle on the beach – BUILD AS YOU GO.

Why is this important, you ask? I’ll tell you.

Some area deep in the male psyche tells us that physically doing activities together, builds bonds of connection. While women may be able to experience this bonding through verbally sharing there day with each other, men bond through actively doing task. The more visible the results of their efforts, the better. If they can look back and say “I built that,” this is very good and necessary for the male ego.

A few women out there, will no doubt disagree with me here. They believe that sharing everything about one another’s lives, their emotions, and how they feel is the way a man should connect with them. They believe they understand everything there is to know about being a man and if any of them do not know, they will be the first ones to tell him – what a “real man” would do

Gentlemen, I’m here to say that you need no permission to be a man, there is no test you have to take and there is no final. You simply need to stand up, start DOING. CREATING. BUILDING and make sure that everything you touch lights on fire.

Until next time.

This is Bishop. Over and Out.

Man Law #82 – Fortune Favors The Bold!

January 5, 2011 8 comments

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“Things may come to those who wait but only the things left by those who hustle.” – Abraham Lincoln

A New Day. A New Year.  A New Man Law.

If you are still thinking about going up to her, I'm already there. "Lettizia" by Fabian Perez. (http://fabianperez.com)

The week before New Year’s Eve, I received a call from a friend of mine who has been following The Unbreakable Man Laws since the very beginning – He asked how the blog started and how it grew. As I started going through what worked for me,  I could tell from his questions and from talking with his other friends about his project that he was quickly becoming discouraged by all the different “potential” setbacks that might occur.

I told him that before he looked at all of the things that might go wrong, he needed to get moving in the right direction. If you are going to start blogging, start blogging. If you are going to write a book, start writing.  A bit of planning is always preferred and some VISION should be a factor of every decision that you make, yet at some point you need to realize that conditions will never be perfect and if you continue to wait until the stars are in alignment with the moon, you’ll be sitting around a bar ten years from now and talking to the bartender about all the things you should have done when you were younger.

While I was growing up my father used to ask me these rhetorical questions that I appalled whenever he saw me as not making progress – “Are you being productive? Or are you getting ready to ‘get ready?’ ” (Editorial Note: He STILL says this to me). These weren’t always the words I wanted to hear, they were the words I needed to hear. As someone who has been an avid weight lifter for over a decade, I frequently hear  friends who state that they wanted to get back to the gym, but when it got down  to it, it seemed that they needed the latest equipment, the weight lifting gloves, the Under Armour shorts, and the “City Sports” Shoes before they can go to the gym.  Slow down Schwarzenegger –  start with some pushups. A year later, they are saying the exact same thing “I need to get back into the gym.” They turn around and see me walking out the door and ask me where I’m going and I answer: “to the gym…”

“Wait, don’t you want to sit here and play X-Box?”

NO.

Their reason for failure is always OUTSIDE of what they consider their control. If X would just do this, and Y would just do that, their life would be perfect.

I’ve been around successful people my entire life and the one trait that I see in all of them is that when it comes to achieving the things that they want, they will first pick the goal, move in the direction of their goal and figure out how to get there on the way, or in other words – Ready. Fire. Aim. Wash. Rinse. And Repeat. (RFAWRAR)

I use this approach to business; I use it with people; I use it with personal (read: intimate) relationships. It’s gotten me in trouble quite a bit of times (with the latter) but I can say with absolute honesty and certainty that I have NEVER regretted making the first move. Even if I strike out miserably, I’ve achieved much  more by simply taking the first few steps without thinking about how to get there all too much.

“Fortes fortuna adiuvat” – Virgil

I’m not here to lecture you. Most of you have schools and bosses that can do that for you.  What I can say is that once in a while we can all use a peptalk because life isn’t always sugar and spice.

Go out and make big things happen for you in 2011. How will THIS year be different than the last? How will the people that you meet, relationships you have and your life be DIFFERENT than the last? If you haven’t already done so, write down your New Year’s Resolutions, tell some of your friends or even share your resolutions on Facebook with others.  I’m a big fan of telling other people my goals and when they don’t see me achieving them or even remotely moving in the direction of achieving them, they will call me out on it. At the end of the day, I appreciate those types of friends more than the ones that tell me what I want to hear, and not what I NEED to hear.

And if you are still sitting around after reading this post, shaking your head, and wondering, “What in the world does this post have to do with The Unbreakable Man Laws?

The answer is:

EVERYTHING.

Happy New Year Everyone. Make it count!

“There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen, and those who ask ‘What happened?'”

Which one are you?”

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