Man Law #66 – Build Social Insurance!
As soon as you enter a social scene and approach a group of people, the first thing you need to do is engage EVERYONE in the conversation. If there is one thing you take from this Man Law, it is to include everyone in the conversation initially. For instance, if you see a mixed group of girls and guys and want to talk to a specific
Sometimes introducing yourself to the group won't be so bad...Things could be worse.
person, give an acknowledgement to the men first in the form of either a head nod or a handshake and THEN the women. This may be one of the few times where I show any sort of purposely differential treatment between the sexes. For some reason that I have yet to figure out, you need to acknowledge the men and the sooner you do this, the less work you’ll have to do later on to be accepted into the group. This may be some form of respect that has been passed down from our chimpanzee ancestors, but regardless of where it came from, it’s important that YOU do it. Somehow the “Man of the House” plays true in small social circles and you need to acknowledge him whether you talk to him directly or not. Once this hurdle is over, the rest will flow.
Upon introduction, make sure that you do this with sincerity and don’t simply say “Hello” to the guys and girls in the group, then turn your back on them to talk to the girl you are interested in. Be sure to ask others questions and involve them in the conversation and if you start to see body language signs or the girls start vying for your attention, than you can start pairing off and focusing the conversation towards the one that you wanted to talk to initially. Women are extremely sensitive to group dynamics and if they feel that you are ignoring their friend in order for you to talk to them, this will backfire on you!
Once you have been accepted into the group you have an “in” to each person. You have to build social insurance and this will help you later on in the conversation and if you wanted to speak to one of the women individually later on in the night. The reason why I like the idea of social insurance is because in a bind, her friends can fight for your cause and if they like you, there is a good chance that she will go out with you at some point in the future. By building social insurance, even when you are not there, people will talk in your absence and hopefully have good things to say about you. For instance, Let’s say you are at a party and see a beautiful girl named Shelley standing in the corner talking to her friend Teresa, who is also attractive, but not the one you are interested in. After introducing yourself, and talking with both of them, you leave for the night. The conversation that might take place the day after between Shelley and Teresa may go something like this:
You know what they say, "Birds of a Feather..."
Shelley: “Oh, do you remember John, from the party?”
Teresa: “Oh yeah, he was really funny, you should totally go out with him!”
Shelley: “Oh, I’d like to do way more than that…”
Now, If you are interested in Shelley, don’t ask Teresa for information on her or ask whether she is “single” or not. This will display your hand too quickly. You need to get this information from the source! Don’t ever go to the friend of a woman that you are interested in to see if she is available. Women typically view this as weakness and this WILL get back to the girl that you are interested in some way. You may get by on occasion with this approach but the best way to get information is from the person you are speaking with. She owes her allegiance to her friends and not a random guy that she met at a party.
Group dynamics can be a lot of fun to manage so never sacrifice the needs of the many, for the attention of the one! Good Luck.
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Very good post. Some guys just address a few people, making him seem rude and turning off the rest.
It’s also good to see another man on the blogspace. It’s good to see I’m not alone.
To answer the reason for acknowledging the male or males in a group, even if he is of different sexual persuasion, is because of primal roots. He is seen as the male protector of the group. If an unfavorable suitor attempts to infiltrate their “pack” he’ll step forward and defend his women, especially the “doe” you’re hunting after. I’ve been this guy in many settings and signs may be subtle but screaming at you causing you to divert from your plan. It could be she stands closer, they hold hands, touch (not sexually, but in a familiar manner). No matter how, they’re telling the male to go elsewhere. Basically, he is ready to cock block at the slightest sign of distress from his “harem.”
Once the niceties are complete and your “allowed” to be in the “pride’s” presence. Definitely be sure to engage, gently at first, in the conversation that is taking place. Make confident, but not overbearing, eye-contact with everyone. when you speak, just as if speaking to a large group, try to include everyone in what you’re saying and look at them while they speak. There were a number of other laws that kick into play about listening and remembering segments of the conversation for later when you are able to find the lady of interest away from the pack. If she is in tandem, be sure not to single the other one out, especially if she too is attractive. And part of not asking the friend if your interest is single is because the one you aren’t hunting for may find you cute/sexy/attractive and want you for herself. If this is the case, she may talk you down to the other girl, thus all but ruining any chance you had.
Throughout, either situation – big or small group/pair – be engaging and thoughtful without seeming to be cocky. Playing down some of what you do, will add to showing a humble side. But still talk with passion and drive about the importance of what you do and how it helps to define that portion of you. Later on, slip your card to the lady of interest. If she calls, “Bravo.” And, if she doesn’t no loss, perhaps she’ll pass the card to another equally wonderful lady, or at least help you get business for your money making job. either way it’s a win.