Man Law #80 – Integrity. Integrity. Integrity.
You can’t build a reputation on something you are going to do.” – Henry Ford
To my utter surprise, when Man Law #79 was posted, it received some immediate flames from not only fans but close friends. “How did this happen?” was the first question that entered my mind. I’m always looking for constructive criticisms from those who are not going to hold back. Every now and then a rage-filled response to something I’ve written is not only appreciated but deserved. So after hearing some valuable feedback and opinions from friends and readers, I came to the following conclusion and thought I’d take some time to clarify the two points I hoped readers walked away with after reading the last entry:
If you look for the definition of "Integrity", you'll see a picture of "Cary Grant." Just trust me on this one. Rent any movie he's been in and take notes Gentlemen!
1) Women have an amazing ability to recall most, if not all, things that you say…
and with this in mind…
2) Follow through your words with actions.
That’s it!
Instead, a large number of readers left the post with the following belief:
They [Women] are waiting for you to screw up and say something you don’t mean in order to call you out on it later at your moment of weakness. They’ve got both ears perked, cameras rolling, and are listening to your every word, every gasp that leaves your mouth for a HINT that you may be talking out of your ass and filled with BS.
Now, in order to make things interesting, sometimes it’s necessary to embellish the story and add a few exaggerations here and there. It’s a blog (read: fun entertainment). For those who have been reading for a while, you’ve hopefully come to understand my tongue-in-cheek instructional methodology. If not, please start from the beginning here.
(Editorial Note: For those of you who have an aversion to mathematical symbols and Physics references, you may want to read something else now!)
Which brings me to the subject of the current post, Man Law # 80 – Integrity.Integrity.Integrity. or I3 if you’re nasty. Pronounced: “I-cubed” for short.
Integrity along with one other item, which I’ll mention in a later post and starts with the letter “P”, is one of the most important factors that every man has working for him. As soon as you meet a new woman, whether she knows it or not, she is subconsciously saying to herself “Is this guy as good as he appears or says that he is?” If she’s not thinking this, chances are she’s saying to herself “Get this guy away from me.”
Integrity is one of those things you have to show right from the start. At T=0 of your initial interaction, you have a blank slate and this is why its important to set the right framework from the very beginning; If you say you are going to call her at 2:00pm on Tuesday, then call her at 2:00pm on Tuesday. If you say you are going to take her out on Friday at 8:00pm, then take her out on Friday at 8:00pm. Simply following up with these little things can make a big difference in how she sees you. It shows that you do what you say and that you follow through or in other words – you’re responsible.
"I'm sorry, I'll call you earlier when I'm going to be late next time!" - Soon-to-be-Deceased Dan
Brief aside, if you are running late or think you’ll have to postpone the date until later, don’t call 5 minutes before hand to cancel. Even if I’m held up in traffic, I’ll text/call the person beforehand and state that I will be 30 minutes late. This will give you bonus points in the end.
Although I run this blog, people sometimes falsely assume that I am claiming to be a dating expert. I’m not. In fact, I got called an “asshole/jerk” a few minutes before I posted this, but the point is, I’m willing to admit mistakes and move on. Occasionally, I’ll even squeeze out an apology or two when I feel I’ve done something really wrong (and I’ve already filled my apology quota for the year).
Women’s lives are filled with guys who overpromise and under deliver. It’s part of the reason why many give us such hard times in the first place. In almost all areas of life that I can think of, its better for the reverse to be true. Better to under-promise and overdeliver and produce that “Wow” effect (Credit: Zappo’s CEO Tony Hsiesh for that observation). If she’s expecting McDonalds and you take her to McCormicks, you’ve produced that “Wow” effect. Before I start veering off topic, let me end Man Law #80 as directly as possible. I lost the original Aristotle quote I had planned to use so Tony Montana, Scarface will have to do:
“All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand?” – Scarface
Integrity. Gentlemen. This is Ethan Bishop. Over and Out.
Comments Welcome.
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sooooooo glad you are employing such classics as “To Catch a Thief” it epitomizes the essence of real love and attraction – an integrity. I encourage all of you to read this then watch that movie for a tutorial
Thanks for the comment Classy. A great woman introduced me to Cary Grant and explained to me the charm behind his character. I’ve been a changed man ever since.
It’s a shame Ethan has to write this, for integrity shouldn’t be an issue. Lack of integrity from men shows the contempt they have for women. This in understandable. Since American society treats women as sexual baubles, guys will generally do as little possible to ensure they get a steady supply of sex, rather than treat women with real respect.
Thanks for the comment Eric. I don’t feel that all men necessarily “overlook” following through with their actions. Sometimes they simply don’t think before they say something. If you say you’ll take someone out on a Tuesday in the heat of the moment, and you forgot that its your Mother’s Birthday and you said you would take her to dinner, you have a legitimate reason to cancel and reschedule. I think the issue arises when our brethren fail to do anything and the woman is left going “What happened?”
As per my usual stance, Ethan has stated well the “truth” of life and relationships. Eric, makes a great point in that intergrity should be a part of every man’s (and woman’s) life ad at every turn. If you live the most minute moments with integrity as the basis, then the bigger moments are just naturally in line. And in order to gain respect, one must give it and this also goes to looking for and maintaining that steady “supply” of interaction. And that’s my input.
Remind me please when Man Laws became a public forum for bitch speak?
You can say whatever you want about integrity, and under-promising and over-delivering, but the same kind of I-read-this-in-my-McDonalds-Management-Training-Manual rhetoric that will impress your loyal client at Radio Shack is not the way to find yourself with a quality woman, as the Bishop well knows.
The reason your word matters is that you are an individual. Integrity cannot be synthesized. Take this as a twofer on #79 and #80, and have some self respect readers- Your socks don’t have to match, your shirt can be Beijing chic circa 1985, and you can show up late.
But do it as a conscious choice, and respect your prospective partner– be it for an hour, a night, a week, or a lifetime. Some women really are baubles, but some are gems. A diamond doesn’t scratch easily, and a little bit of polish goes a long way.
Even if you call her to say you’re running late, you have not evened up the ante. Play the hand you are dealt, and don’t try to bluff. Even if it works, you will only get stuck in a game.
The reason your word matters is that those baubles and gems are individuals. You can have all the integrity and respect in the world, sitting all alone at home at night, and it matters naught to the world.
You can show up late, dressed like you decided not to give-a-shit, and still claim to be respecting your prospective partner. You can even get away with it, depending on the woman.
Or you can have the integrity and self-respect to do what you say you will, dress like you have some kind of social intelligence, and not play the “I’m going to show up late” game.
Feel free to disagree; but while you’re busy polishing your diamonds, the rest of us will be having REAL human interactions.