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Man Theory – The Art of Text, Part I.

September 21, 2009 10 comments

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(Editorial Note: Unlike previous Laws, Man Theory, will be a series of one or more essays dealing with a single issue.  This first theory is on TEXTING versus CALLING. Be sure to check out the sequel post The Art of Text, Part II – The Rise of the Textual Revolution.)

Women, The reason why he doesn’t call: “It’s not you…its your voicemail!

Most men do NOT call for this simple reason – Voice Mail. It is recorded evidence and from past experience, your message might be scrutinized by not only the woman you were trying to reach but her girl friends, guy friends, and just about anyone in the vicinity (including waiters and random strangers on the bus). We know this because its happened to us…

Female Friend: “Hahaha, listen to the message this loser left me…”

Guy: “Oh…ha…ha”.

Or worse things can happen such as this real life situation where a guy left quite possibly the worst message in voice mail history and not only did the woman keep the message, she recorded it and posted it on a blog (listen at your own risk!):

The Reason Some Girls Stay Single

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

Ladies, to a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Men generally appreciate text messages from women. To a Man, a text is NOT a sign of disinterest. If he was not interested, he would not contact you AT ALL, text or phone.

Now this tends to be funny for most women, but as a general rule, if for some reason the woman does not call the guy back, the guy has NO recourse. If he contacts her again after leaving a message he’s either a stalker, overly-interested, or creepy.  Many women do NOT check their voicemail and yes, I know that YOU personally always check your voicemail…however, many “other” women wait for their voicemails to build up and simply delete them all at once or put it in their heads to call the guy back.  What happens is that when a woman does not immediately call the guy back (“Oh, I’ll call him when I get home from my pedi“), the longer she waits, the less likely she is to call. After a certain number of days past, even if she wants to call the guy back, many times she won’t because she feels like the guy will be mad… Now ladies,  when you don’t answer either because you are not by your phone or for any another reason, it forces the guy to make the best of 3 awkward decisions:

1. Keep Calling and don’t leave messages.

2. Call, Leave a Message, and Wait for your response

3. Call, Leave a Message, and Text.

Each of these choices, is awkward and uncomfortable. Thus, our prayers were answered…the TEXT was invented…the best thing to happen to men in the last 10 years… No longer are we forced to wonder if she received the message or not. We know she did. It’s a low, no pressure way of getting in touch with someone.

Now, a lot of women LOVE to talk on the phone with their friends…But that is just it… A man that is “pursuing” you, is not a friend…or at least not yet. If a man spends too much time on the phone with you, and not asking you out, women subconsciously place him in the friend zone.

Women, which would you rather have…flirtatious text multiple times a day, or no contact with you and a weekly hour phone call where he may or may not ask you out at the end? After an hour long conversation, in most cases, he will not feel any closer to you and may even question the point of asking you out or meeting up with you! Is the point of going out to get closer or to get physical?

Texting is a new phenomenon to both men and women.  Never before in the history of the world has “TEXTING”   even been an option when dealing with male and female relationships. While e-mail and instant message might be the grandparents and parents, respectively, the TEXT has broken new boundaries and thrown both men and women for a loop when it comes to social interactions. Women have thus written off TEXTing as a substandard way of communicating with each other…Many women think to themselves once receiving a text from a potential guy “What? No Call?!? He’s done…”

After speaking with many women on this issue, it is obvious to them, that a phone call is a sign of interest and that if a man does not call within the first few days of meeting that many women view this as an insult.

Women, nothing could be further from the truth.

Unless talking for a specific purpose, a typical conversation between a man and another man goes like this:

Precondition: Bill and Andy went to the same college and haven’t spoken in years. Randomly, Bill is in town and calls up Andy. Here is a sample of how that conversation might go:

Bill: “Hey Andy…dude…I’m just in town for the weekend…want to grab a drink?”

Andy: “Dude, no problem…lets hit up this new bar Night and Ice around 11..”

Bill: “Cool. I’m down”

Andy: “Cool, call me at 10:45 for directions. Later bro”

Bill: “Later Kid.”

When men communicate, it’s generally for one of two things…its to relay instructions OR to seek advice. They must have a specific PURPOSE to why they called…For a man to call up another man, just to TALK, he risk wasting the other man’s time… For instance…

George: “Hey Andy, how’s it going?”

Andy: “Just fine George…How can I help you?”

George: “No reason, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “You What?”

George: “You know, just called to see how you were doing?”

Andy: “Don’t ever call me again George…you live across the street…if you want to talk just stop by”.

I, for one, am not a fan of talking on the phone.  I’d easily place 90% of the calls I receive to be work related or something that someone wants me to do for them…Think about it…does your boss TEXT you to do something, or CALL you?  Text is somewhat reserved for people you have a casual,no-pressure relationship with which is exactly where you want to start off when you first start seeing someone…

Homework Assignment: Women, check out this book: Flirtexting

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

Yes, this is a real book! Ladies, pick it up!

Man Law #11 – She needs a MAN, not a MAT

August 25, 2009 4 comments

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Don't be her doormat Gentleman...she'll be happy to walk all over you...

Don't be her doormat Gentleman...she'll be happy to walk all over you...

Women don’t respect a man they can walk all over – “When She Calls, You Come.” You are not winning points by stopping what you are doing to pick her up. For instance, Dave gets a call from Helen who has asked him to pick her up. Instead of going to play soccer with his buddies, Dave CANCELS going to play soccer to pick up Helen and drive her to go shopping. After reading Man Law all the way through, you should NEVER allow this to happen to yourself or any friends of yours… It’s inevitable that she will test you in the course of a relationship and she is probably going to win a few of these battles, but stand your ground at least 95% of the time (don’t worry, this will decrease) and man-up… It should also be stated that this does not mean flatly saying “NO” to anything she ask of you…of course not…what Man Law #11 is saying is that if you had plans, keep your plans or if you must make modifications to what you had intended, make sure it is a compromise…Instead of Dave immediately leaving his buddies hanging, he could say…”Hey Helen, I’m going to play soccer with my buddies first, and I’ll call you after I’m done to see if you still want to hang out…”

Man Law #10 – AVOID THE FRIEND-ZONE AT ALL COST…

August 25, 2009 4 comments

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Chris Rock said it best “Oh, I got some female friends but they were ALLLLL by accident…”. The women needs to see you as a MAN….Not a woman with a penis…do not succumb to counseling her with her man and relationship problems thinking this will get her to like you in the long run. It WILL not. She knows better than to start talking about other guys in her life with you but she WILL if she can get away with it… Change the subject immediately, tell a funny joke, say “Hey, Look a midget!”…The friend-zone is quicksand and once you are there, you will sink…FAST.

We've all been there before and still don't know how it happened...Just. Say. No.

We've all been there before and still don't know how it happened...Just. Say. No.

Man Law #9 – Beautiful and Smart, the Eastern European woman, (Russian, Ukranian, Polish) are a deadly combination and only for the most advanced.

August 25, 2009 5 comments

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There is a good reason why the man himself, James Bond, had trouble with these women time after time. Do not be seduced by their flirtatious gaze and playful body language, these women know what they’re doing and how to get what they want…proceed with extreme caution.

russian2

Russian Women – They make nice eye candy AND they’ll do your physics homework…but stay back gentleman…these women are dangerous…

Man Law #8 – Call a Spade a Spade. Call a Flake a Flake.

August 24, 2009 Leave a comment

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If she cancels on you because her Grandmother died for the third time (i.e. both of her Grandmothers died already and she ran out of excuses)…chances are shes just NOT that into you. As a general rule, if she starts flaking at the beginning, its not going to get any better. Women ALWAYS have time or will make time for a potential Don Juan…the exception is if she cancels and offers another time to go out, that is a good sign… But if she has a STRING of excuses why she can not go out with you, but gives you a SHRED of hope that she may be interested in you, write her off as a flake. She may start to like you eventually, but you can not get caught up with focusing your attention on a woman that has placed you on the waiting list. She may have other relationships going on that she is involved with, but the point is, she will make herself available if she wants to see you again… These guys have it down pretty good, Man Watch:

Man Law #7 – A Woman Can NEVER be more than 10% of your life.

August 23, 2009 7 comments

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(Editorial note: A woman that you’re interested in…). Another turn off for women is a guy who seems to have nothing better to do than wait hand and foot on her like a puppy dog. You need to have a life before you met her that you are unwilling to change because she’s entered it. Yes, I realize 10% is a low number but you need to keep this number as low as possible because whether you realize it or not, she will gradually start to involve herself in more and more aspects of your life. When you find yourself thinking about her all the time, think about this “10% Rule”. If you watch sports, keep watching sports…if you drink with the guys every Friday, keep drinking with the guys every Friday…if you play World of Warcraft…just stop…

Now, I hear this over and over again – “What? Only 10%?!” mostly from women. Understand that the number is more symbolic than it is to be taken literally. If you think 25% than you’ll most likely double that and before you know it, half your life revolves around this person.  Until you have decided to form a serious relationship with this women, you should keep the areas of your life that you found important BEFORE You met her in the forefront.

These guys are most likely all single...but it illustrates an important point anyway...

These guys are most likely all single...but it illustrates an important point anyway...

Man Law #6 – Sending FLOWERS is the Kiss of Death at the beginning of the courtship process.

August 11, 2009 13 comments

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Despite what you’ve seen in the movies of this tactic winning over the Captain of the Cheerleading Squad, it does NOT work in real life. In fact, everything you’ve seen in the movies regarding romance as a man you should disregard! Nothing turns a woman off faster than hearing your panzee ass tell her how you feel!

Megan_Fox_Flower

He was doing well until he gave her the flower...

Now, Flowers are perfectly alright and a GOOD IDEA once you have officially entered a relationship, however, PRIOR to this event happening, you need not think that flowers will get you anywhere and be prepared for quite the OPPOSITE reaction of what you intended in the first place. Exception: Women will tell you everywhere, that the “random” gift of flowers is much better than on a holiday such as valentine’s day…However, this should also be noted that only once you are in a relationship (i.e. she tells her friends that you are her boyfriend, and you tell your friends that she is your girlfriend) should the idea of flowers even be considered.

Addendum: If you have been caught by absolute love sickness, the only way to deliver flowers is in PERSON.

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