Man Law #76 – Kiss First, Ask Questions Later.
College is synonymous with ‘dating experimentation.’ To a certain extent, you don’t really grow out of this dating experimentation until you find someone and settle down. And by settle down, I mean marriage. I have yet to find a place with as many ample test subjects as my time in school (not counting Mardi Gras). At a big University, you can hook up with a different person each week and almost trust that their paths would NEVER cross. What better place to experiment than that?
You don
During my freshman year of college, I was in a new place, new friends, new environment, and really had no clue what I was doing with women. Of course, I’d get lucky with a kiss or two every couple of months, but could NOT understand how guys who were no better looking and on paper seemed EXACTLY the same as myself, could not only kiss but hookup with girls consistently.
Like all good students, I consulted the experts when I ran into problems. I asked one of my buddies, a Psych major, “How he knew WHEN he should go in for the kiss”. He turned around, stared at me for a second, and said “You just know…”
And I hate to say it, but that was probably the single best piece of advice towards the opposite sex that I received during undergrad. Maybe it was the scientist in me that wanted a more detailed answer, but when it comes to people, sometimes the simplest explanation is exactly what you need to hear at the time.
Needless to say, you tend to have to build UP to the kiss so here are some signs that I tended to notice, and by no means are they exhaustive:
- Her eyes stare directly into yours – she holds eye contact.
- She holds her face close to yours – within 6 inches.
- She makes excuses to touch your body, arms/legs, or bump into you.
- She applies lip stick/gloss in your presence.
- She hugs you with her body, not the chest hug.
Now some women are naturally close talkers – they like to get real close to your face to talk. But I’ve found that if a woman has her face closer than 6 inches from yours, go in for the kiss. Don’t even think about it. Don’t doubt yourself, don’t hesitate and DEFINITELY don’t ask her. I’ve even gone in mid-sentence – BAM. Get it out of the way and revisit it before you leave. (Editorial Note: Don’t try this at work).
Don’t forget to smile as your face approaches hers. 🙂
Most women are reluctant to kiss a guy first. In fact, it’s never happened to me before where I’m just standing there, and out of nowhere found myself lip-locked with a stranger. The MOST forward approach I’ve seen from someone I started dating/seeing casually has been when she just looked at me and said “Are you going to kiss me or what!?”Women who aren’t afraid to initiate are few and far between. Its up to her to create the opportunity, and its up to US to make the first move. Own it.
Go For it! Ask Questions Later!
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so… that’s some great advice, but you didn’t answer a more important question. when to i try to hold her hand?
James, thanks for the comment! To be perfectly honest with you, I tend to kiss before I hold hands. Thats just the way it usually works out with me. However, there are signs I’ve noticed that she wants her hand held. If the two of you just left a store, restaurant, bar, and are now outside, if you notice that she switches the bag she carries her purse with to the OTHER side away from you, and holds her other hand slightly behind yours, go ahead and take her hand.
Another way is to hold your arm, elbow out as if to let her take it and you are escorting her. That is another good way to initiate!
ethan, thanks for the advice, though i was just asking in jest. my wife just tells me if she wants to hold my hand… and i also used to kiss before the hands.
Well, regardless, its a good question. I’ll post on your site when I need some marriage advice in the future! 🙂
you’re welcome to come to me for marriage advice later, but let it be known that i teach from my many mistakes — and not from having done things right. i enjoy your blog, thanks.
James, the blog was created based on my mistakes with women so I’m right there with you. It looks like the more mistakes I make, the better I do with the opposite sex! At this rate, I’ll probably be married by 2011!
I definitely agree that at times, it is the guy who needs to be cognizant of the signs and just go in for the kiss. However, I have been privy to a number of more straight forward women, who initiated with me. In a few cases, I made my position to being open to the act of kissing (or more) and let her move in on me because she/they happened to have “significant others.” Now, I’m not like that anymore because I don’t like to tempt fate or mess with karma, but it did often work out for me.
My first kiss with a girl was when I was 4 on the van ride home from pre-school. I sat next to this super cute girl and I just straight up asked her if i could kiss her. She said yes and I got a few pecks out of that during the ride home. Suprised I didn’t get in trouble, but I guess being toward teh back we were out of view. although my first “French Kiss” was with two of my sister’s friends while playing Dare (we stopped playing Truth because it was boring), where one got dared and she said she wouldn’t since I’d never “kissed” a girl so the other volunteered to kiss me and “teach me how.” So I got a two-for-one from a 14 and 15 yo girl and I was 12.
After that though, I’ve been the main initiator, especially while on the dance floor. That’s a great place to initiate if you’ve been dancing together all night. Kissing on her neck, if she’s facing away from you is a hot one. Though Try not to look too slutty/sloppy with your PDA, because that’s just not cool(personal belief). So, that’s my take on this – man up and go for it.
Awesome DJ Long. I think you just discovered what could be the next “beer pong” of the bar scene – DARE. I know that I would play. Another excellent commentary. My first “kiss” came from spin the bottle in elementary school where it landed on the girl that I thought was one of the hottest at the time. She gave me a big kiss on the cheek and I didn’t wash my face for about a week (and that is O.K.). From there I went into the longest dry spell in the history of man. I finally kissed a girl again in high school, sophomore year. Yeeks. Talk about late bloomer!
so long as you bloom… that’s what matters… and it was before college which is good… and that could be a great game…
Couple o’points, from further up the thread:
1. A good way to start the whole thing is to offer her your arms. It’s classy in an old-world sort of way and it easily initiates the kino. Also, guys can gauge the girl’s interest level (and girls can communicate it) by how tight and close she clings to your arm.
To transition smoothly from arm-holding to hand-holding, guys can do the following. As the two of you are walking arm-in-arm, accelerate slightly to get about a step ahead of her. As you do so, you will naturally break the locked elbows and your “holding hand” will naturally slide down the inside of her arm (an erogenous zone) so that your hand is right next to hers. Grasp her hand and presto, you’re holding hands. Practice this once or twice and you’ve got it.
Critical “mindset” point, however: you are not doing this to “trick” her into holding hands. There is never a need, or value, to trying to “trick” a girl into liking you. This is merely a smooth move. She knows exactly what you’re doing.
2. Per the above, guys, remember that she WANTS to progress from arm-in-arm to hand-holding to kissing. Rule of thumb: if she’s holding hands with you, she WANTS to kiss you. Put your hesitations aside and go for it.
Pete, Awesome! Could not have said it better myself!
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