Guest Post – “Reflections of a Female Pick-Up Artist” by Miss Solomon
by Miss Solomon of The Dating Truth.
I’m a pick up artist and honestly I feel like a unicorn. A somewhat mythical creature that every man, woman and child has heard of but never seen in real life. It could be due to the underground nature that has always shrouded the PUA community but here I am, in the flesh. I only found out a short time ago that I was, indeed, a pickup artist. Not exactly the term that’s held in the highest regard, I wasn’t sure I wanted the label at all. I, like most people, had a perception of women who claimed to be serial daters and I wasn’t sure I wanted to fall into any similar categories.
The truth is I do date often. For years I’ve been going on date after date, having men wine and dine me at will and unable to label my talents. Call it charisma, charm or the power of attraction; I had a knack for getting the guy that I wanted. Unlike a serial dater typically when I meet a guy, or make a pull, there is no potential, possibility, will, want or desire for a relationship. Also, unlike with serial daters, I absolutely never have sex with a target. A female pick up artist just wants to be treated to luxury, which in today’s recession is hard to find in one man. Just as I was unable to classify myself as a PUA until recently, most women who are in my shoes likely don’t consider themselves pick up artists either. They know that they are attractive and they know that men treat them to dinners, gifts and trips but they haven’t yet realized that it’s no accident. All they know is when they want a man they get him, having to do very little than just sit and wait.
Realize that I didn’t wake up one morning deciding to be a pick-up artist. It was at a point in my life when the women I knew were crying woe is me about their dating lives. They were completely miserable and I knew I didn’t want to be like that. I knew that being single was more of a gift and not a curse so I decided to hell with a wedding day, I wanted to date just for fun. In the beginning I used to be a lot more selective about my targets or sarges as known in the world of PUA, they had to “have money.” I started with professional athletes and of course old papaws who craved the attention of a younger woman. I realized that I was limiting myself. There was a world of interesting men with a handy American Express out there and I could make time for them all. What sets me and other female pickup artists apart from most attractive woman, who get hit on, is that we choose the guy. Before he even says, “Hey, how ya doin?” I know he and I have a future date.
The female pick up artist is seen as someone that doesn’t exist. All women want to find the one and get married, right? If a woman pursues wealthy men society is likely to call her a slut before anything else. Women who date a lot are always subject to negative judgments. We are supposed to be meek, fragile and prudent waiting by phone calls for faux Prince Charmings and fictionalized knights in shining armor. We can only date men that we could potentially marry and any woman who accepts a date just for a free meal isn’t hungry she is a gold-digger. Also, the more lavish the dates the harder it is to believe that a man would be so generous and want nothing sexual in return. These are just a few of the many misconceptions about women who date frequently but more so of the pick-up artist that I’d like to put to rest. So what is true about being a female PUA?
We don’t have a lot of sex. I rarely have sex. Believe me I wish this wasn’t the case but being a successful PUA relies heavily on your reputation. The only way to keep it pristine is to be incredibly selective about who you sleep with. Not only do you have to find a man that knows what he’s doing in the bedroom; rare. He also has to accept the fact that you don’t want to be his girlfriend and newsflash, men can be incredibly jealous. When you are known to have several dates in a week sleeping with anyone gets complicated. So while it seems easy enough to sleep with some men and not with others as a serial dater might do, it defeats the purpose of the pick up entirely. Women don’t need to be pick-artists to get laid. I can breathe and accomplish that. A female PUA is focused more of the social aspect of meeting new people and seeing new places. I receive more respect for the fact that I don’t feel pressured to sleep with the men I date, despite how much money they spend. Most of the dates I go on are with men I don’t know and are likely never to see or speak to again. What do they deserve from me that I haven’t already given; my time and gratitude? If a woman gives more than that she’s an amateur.
We date quality men. Traditional male pick-up artists are sometimes seen as players. They seduce women they have no interest in dating just to prove that they can and for sex. Before you pull out the violins for the poor men that you think I am manipulating, please realize that female pickup artists don’t pray on the weak. Get that picture of a hot young twenty-something with a decrepit old millionaire, who is sipping soup while I’m having lobster out of your head. Also, strike the thought of a smoking hot chick with a science nerd who just happens to be stockpiling money from his latest social media creation. My dating roster does not look like the cast of ‘Beauty and the Geek’. Sure I’ve been out with a few less than stellar looking men but for the most part I date the kind of men that most women would sacrifice a goat to go out with. Actors, Grammy winners, doctors, lawyers, young good-looking ivy-league educated engineers and I could go on. No precious stone goes unturned when it comes to a target. Female PUAs set a standard and the only way to keep the quality dates coming is to choose men of a certain caliber. If you target someone completely left from your type, the jig will be up in a second. And again, keeping a reputation as the most sought after young thing in town doesn’t jibe with having a lame on your arm. If someone see’s me on a date with a poor pathetic soul, it makes me look just as pathetic.
We have a healthy self-esteem. Most male PUAs will readily admit that they suffered from low self esteem and prior to learning the game were never confident around women. Female PUAs are just the opposite. Most women who attempt to enter the world of game have always possessed to ability to attract men. Most fPUAs, like me, simply made a decision to take control of that ability. Female PUAs have a certain level of intelligence and we are completely in control of what we are doing, that’s where we get our confidence. We don’t gain our self-assurance by the number of men that we date. Hell, I couldn’t even tell you how many dates I’ve been on because I don’t keep track. We are not constantly dating to gain approval or for validation of our techniques. Female pick up artists date because we love to feel sexy, pampered and adored. We know what it feels like because that’s how we treat ourselves.
We do go on “real” dates. Every man that dates me is not the result of a pull or sarge. From time to time I do find a great guy that I could see myself in a relationship with. It’s usually just circumstance that prevents a relationship from forming. I don’t approach every man that I meet or every date that I go on as an excuse to wear a new outfit and cute shoes. I still have real, legitimate, intimate interactions with men. It doesn’t happen everyday. During the 364 days that quality men are being elusive, I still have to eat.
What a female pickup artist knows, that men believe, is that you can’t put a value on a beautiful, classy woman. I give men credit in knowing the difference between a pretty girl and an intelligent, funny, interesting woman. When a man meets a woman that he respects there is no limit to what he will do. Female pickup artists earn that respect with charm and grace. They don’t scream for attention just quietly command it. The irony of it all is that we choose the man then he picks us up. The ability to know that he will is what separates an fPUA from everybody else and frankly, if being wined and dined and treated to bottle service is wrong then I don’t want to be right.