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Interview with the Flirtexter: Debra explains Flirtexting 101
A few weeks ago, I posted the popular “Art of Text, Part I”. To this day, it remains the single most popular post on the blog. In it, I cited the recently released book Flirtexting by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. These girls have been taking the world by storm with their new book and appeared on the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago (You can watch the full interview on their site Flirtexting.com). Through word of mouth and a bit of six degrees of separation, the blog came to their attention. After many weeks of courtship, love letters and flower sending, I was finally able to track down Debra and she agreed to an interview.Debra is a force to be reckoned with, forming her own personal shopping company, Fern Estelle, that has dressed some of the hottest
Ms. Debra Goldstein
A-list Celebs in Hollywood, it’s clear that she has some serious game. After speaking with these two girls and reading their book, it dawned on me that they are really teaching “Text-Defense for Women.” Guys are going to use whatever tools at their disposal to get the girl. The text is simply the latest and greatest in our arsenal. What Debra and Olivia have done is give a framework for how women should respond to a clueless guy who has forgotten that the cell phone can STILL place calls. Texting is not a replacement for phone calling… It is another way of getting to know someone and feeling them out in a way that is very low-pressure and is exactly where most guys want to start off…So unless you are still using a typewriter to schedule your dates, I suggest you read up!
Without further ado…
Ethan: You meet a hot guy at a bar on Saturday…You give him your contact information and you totally dig him. How do you feel when a guy Facebook Friends you the next day verses texting or calling? For instance, when I asked other woman about a guy who phonecalls the next day…they ALL described this guy as overly eager and this usually translated into loser and they became not-interested. Texting is my personal method of choice, but it seems that texting and Facebook friend request are now the next step in the “courtship” process in the information age. How do you feel about this?
Deb and Liv
Debra: We all know that when we meet someone we like, the first thing we do is google them or ask them to be our friend on Facebook. It’s a mixture of curiosity and taking precaution that makes us want a little bit more info before putting ourselves out there. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Because lets face it, if a new guy Facebook’s me and I see in his photos that he always wears V-Neck t-shirts, gels his hair, and lists Brokeback Mountain as his favorite movie, I know in advance that this relationship is not going to work. Yes, judging a book by its cover is wrong, but we all do it. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the Facebook sea.
Ethan: What do you think of guys who ASK you out on dates through text? Some women don’t mind while others that I’ve asked call this LAME. I, personally, reserve flirting for text messaging and CALL to plan dates…
Debra: In the world of dating I have found that finding a person who you have a special connection with comes far and few between. In a way, I am glad for this because it makes finding that person and those relationships that much more special. You know it when you see it. So when I give a guy my number and he chooses to “text me out” instead of asking me out over a telephone call, what that does is shows me where he stands and where he sees this relationship going…which is, not very far. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that this guy doesn’t see as much potential in having a serious relationship with me as a guy who decides to call me to ask me out. Knowing that is key! NOW with younger couples (i.e.: only dated after text) a guy who truly likes a girl might just text her first because he grew up in the age of Flirtexting and its all he knows. Be aware of this if you are under 21.
Ethan: From your past experiences, what has been the BEST text you’ve received and why? Describe the components of the BPT (Best Possible Text) that a guy should follow to get you out on a date with him after only meeting him once? Dos and Dont’s…
Debra: Guys need to be aware that their initial Flirtext to a girl is so important that we call it their “second first impression.” Where as before we judge guys by their “package”, today we judge guys by their “flirtexts”. Therefore their initial initial flirtext needs to be well thought out and perfect. The components in a perfect initial flirtext are as follows:
Deb and TUI
1. Never ask a girl out in your initial flirtext. You need to feel out if she actually likes you or if she just gave you her number so that you would leave her alone.
2. Bring up something that happened when you met or poke fun of something the two of you talked about. This will A) Trigger her memory as to who you are and B) Show her that you are thoughtful, clever, and a good listener.
3. Say something funny. Every girl lists “funny” as one of the top three qualities she looks for in a man. Make her laugh and you are on the right path to that first date.
For further information, be sure to follow Flirtexting on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/flirtexting) and be sure to check out their website (www.flirtexting.com)
Man Law #59 – Never Slavishly Follow Accepted Wisdom!
If there is one thing that the Unbreakable Man Laws hopes to instill, it’s the ability to think independently and critically of a situation. Find your own solutions. Read many different viewpoints even ones you disagree with. It’s important to always question the establishment and remember to understand the basis behind the decision rather than accepting it merely as “law” (pun intended). The reason behind this is it is often when we challenge our previously held belief system that we go through the most growth.
"Buy Me Flowers Dummy!"
Someone once told me a great story illustrating this point while I was standing in line at GNC purchasing Whey Protein. I do not have the slightest idea how we started talking about this topic in a Health Supplements store, but the gentlemen told me the following:
A family meeting for Thanksgiving Dinner is preparing the Turkey for that night. The mother, Ann, is having her kids, Barbara and John, help her with cooking the dish. Before placing the Turkey in the stove, the kids are told to cut off the top half of the turkey.
Both Barbara and John grow up and have kids and tell them the same thing.
“Mary, you have to cut the top half of the Turkey off before placing it in the stove.”
At one Thanksgiving, Ann, who is now a Grandmother, is helping with cooking dinner, and sees Mary cutting the top half off the turkey and she ask the child “What are you doing?”
Mary replies, “I’m cutting the top half off the Turkey! Just like Mom said!”
Ann turns to Mary’s mother, Barbara, also standing in the kitchen, “Honey, when I told you to cut the top half off the Turkey, it was because when we bought the house, our stove wasn’t big enough to fit the whole thing in it!”
When I went through college, I was only beginning to realize how the difference in upbringings and how so many people from so many different backgrounds could contribute to a situation in their own unique way. We gained strength in our difference of opinions. It forced us to understand one another rather than accepting what our parents, or even Grandparents might have taught us about others. If you are a Democrat, ask a Republican what they think of a situation; If you like Rock, ask someone who likes Rap what they think of a song; If you are a Yankees Fan, continue to dislike the Red Sox (nothing good can come of that partnership).
Question everything!
Questioning the established way of doing things is different from rebelling against the established way. Perhaps there is a solid reason why we look both ways before crossing the street. Don’t just jay-walk because you can…
"Thoroughly Think It Through!"
Even more important than the answer to the question is the process you go through to discover it. Many individuals including myself have forgotten what it is like to REALLY do research. In the pre-google era, researching topics could take hours using the library’s card catalog system. When you went to the library to do research, you spent hours finding books and gathering articles. Nowadays, if we have to search longer than five minutes on a single subject, we declare the topic unanswerable.
Don’t give up so easily.
The process to finding the answer is more important than the answer itself. The persistence and strength you gain through your search for the truth, will pay off in the long run in all things – whether it is relationships, money, or your career.
With that said:
- The World Really IS Flat…
- The Moon really IS made out of cheese.
- British people really DO have bad teeth…
- Africa really IS a country.
- Women Really DO want you to tell them how you feel…
Good luck! This is Ethan Bishop. Over and out.
Man Law #57 – Compliment Her, Not the Genetics!
The compliment is one of the least understood and seldom perfected points of courtship. If you are in a social situation (i.e. that’s bar or party for those of you just joining us) and you meet someone new that you may be interested in dating, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance. Read this again, do NOT compliment ANYTHING physical about her appearance.
DANGER! DANGER! Both girls KNOW what you are looking at...Be sure to compliment her CHOICE in NECKLACES (Did you even notice?) and don't look down...
When I say physical, I am speaking about her body. Even though she may have size 34DDs, do not be the 334th guy to say that about her that month… Now, few men (I hope) reading this would be that out of touch to do something like that… Women are aware of the fact that men are very visual creatures. They use that to their advantage. Do not compliment them on that which will draw immediate and obvious attention. What was the first thing that you noticed in the picture on the right?
Yeah…
Her genetics are something that is completely the luck of the draw. So even though she may have been born looking like a Victoria Secret model, she had absolutely nothing to do about that and thus, she knows that you are only giving her a compliment based on her PHYSICAL appearance – An appearance that she knows does not represent how she always looks. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without make up on…
As a fundamental rule of thumb, compliments should ALWAYS be given WITH sincerity. If you don’t mean it…Don’t say it. Although science has not proven this yet, I am convinced that women have an 8th sense (in addition to the five already known) that allows them to see past BS.
Think of the art of giving compliments like the cherry in a daiquiri. They should ADD to an already pleasant experience, however, for maximum effect, you need to use them sparingly. Being overly complimentary of a woman will be a fast way to the friend zone. This will decrease your value and while she may feel good/great around you, she KNOWS that you do not know the true her. You haven’t seen her on a bad hair day or without her make up on and you certainly haven’t seen her the morning after…
To ensure that your compliment is sincere, you should almost have an involuntary reason for giving it. Something that almost springs from inside of you that has to find its way out. The compliment needs to be authentic.
The BEST way to give a compliment is to compliment a choice or decision that she has made. You want to compliment her way of thinking that makes her unique and different from the hundred other women who may be at the bar, party, train station (hey, you never know) that night…
More to Come…
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