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Man Law #41 – Initiate the Approach; Initiate the Departure.
Strive to be the initiator at all points of the interaction. Many women will wait until you make the first move before they decide how to react. Even the upwardly mobile, career-oriented go-getters will still fall into traditional “man pursues the woman” role from time to time. Everything from making plans for the weekend to deciding whether to make the relationship official, she expects you to decide first. Thus, it’s important to maintain the upbeat flow of the conversation and while perhaps cruel punishment, leave her first.
At any given time, women like this have multiple men pursuing them. Utilize Situational Openers to open up conversation. They will let you know in a heartbeat whether they are available...
The reason for initiating the departure is that this signals that you have a purpose and you are wanted elsewhere. If the spirit of the interaction drops, and you find yourself “lingering” in proximity to a stranger you just met, this will send up red flags to most women and she may even label you a creep. Even if its simply to go to the bathroom and stand at the opposite end of the bar/venue, you do not want to let an upbeat interaction between the two of you stall out.
Now, here is where the problem sets in…WHEN do you approach the woman and How? Men are typically blind to this aspect of women. We just don’t see it. Instead of going up to a man she’s interested in, a woman will create a situation where SHE is approachable. If you are on the dance floor, and suddenly, two or more girls start dancing right in front of you…Chances are, they are not there because the dance floor is crowded. If you are standing by the artichoke dip and she walks over past the rest of the food on the table to get to that artichoke dip…Chances are, she could have eaten that tostito with the salsa that was right in front of her…
It baffled me at first why women do this – why must she be so sly in her “approach.” And after much thinking, this has been the result of my musings…
Women do not get dolled up like this to sit in the corner and chat with their girlfriends all night. Open body language and glances are inviting YOU to approach. Be aware of the proximity to the bar and remember Man Law #1.
Creating the situation that will allow you to approach grants her one thing, and one thing only – plausible deniability. Whether she has a boyfriend or not, if she is ever asked to explain, how the two of you met, she can say that YOU approached her. Plausible Deniability is important to women in many situations not only in the initial approach, but in any situation where her actions might not be held in high regard by her social group if and when they find out. Ultimately, it boils down to this – she can deny that she had anything to do with your interaction with her. If you were an absolute dud, she can state – “Some loser just came up to me”, where as, if you knock her socks off and she disappears from the scene with you, she can state “Some guy just came up to me and one thing led to another …and bada bing, bada boom…” While this latter situation might be rare, it illustrates the point that she can act the innocent victim which will save her from any accusations by her girlfriends of being considered promiscuous.
(Editorial Note: Women, for an excellent explanation for why men are too dumb to notice when you want them to approach you, be sure to check out this article on Why Men Prefer Direct Pickup Lines.)
Man Law #40 – Maintain the Edge through constant spontaneity. Women are ALWAYS looking for a reason to disqualify YOU as a potential partner.
You can be smart, attractive, funny, make a lot of money, but if your left arm hangs a bit lower than the right, you might be gone with next weeks trash. When it comes to being disqualified as a potential partner, it only takes a few instances for her to make a decision… You can think of it like the Freshman Engineering 101 weed out courses. They aren’t designed for you to pass…they are designed for you to FAIL. Women love coming up with a vigorous aptitude test to measure your stamina and competence level. Does he dress nice? Does he make me laugh? Does he match my shoes? Does he have a good job? Is his butt too big? Is his butt too small? How big is he down there?
DISQUALIFIED!
True story, a late twenty-something man and woman, decided to go out to dinner after meeting on Craigslist. The date went great except for one small factor that the woman could just not overlook. The poor lad made the mistake of saying he was planning on losing weight, yet the caloric intake of his meal was not conducive to facilitating this plan. In laymans terms, he ordered a hamburger and fries, when he should have ordered tofu and cottage cheese. Needless to say, this was the first and last time they went out. This momentary slip up was enough to send him back down to the cavernous depths of singledom.
The Husband Store Joke, perfectly illustrates her thinking when choosing a potential mate:
A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited…”
By maintaining constant spontaneity you are keeping the woman on her TOES. While it may seem like an oxymoron, another way of viewing constant spontaneity is “predictable unpredictability.” You have the edge. Once she is attracted to you, i.e., you have become the “focus” of her interest and attention, you always want to be a few steps ahead of her. You want her to be left figuring YOU out because once she writes you off as a JAA (“just another asshole”), you have been disqualified in her mind. Your little string of hook ups with her has ended. At first, she might have been attracted to you because you stood out from the crowd and were different. She now equates you with the rest of mankind, which to most women, is exceptionally low…
Many women are attracted to the bad boy image because she can never quite figure him out or control him. He always has that edge which is intriguing to her. She doesn’t grow bored with him and disqualify the man because being with him is exciting to her. Just when she thinks he is going to turn left, he turns right… As we stated in Man Law #33, her goal, is to state that she is the one who tamed you. While her goal may be to have you “behave”, your instinctual nature wants you to break away. The way to keep from being tamed is to maintain that edge. Don’t always tell her where you are going, what you are up to, and who you are with…let her figure it out…Maintaining the edge goes hand in hand with staying mysterious. Nothing will dampen the relationship faster than predictability…
Man Law #39 – ‘Man Talk’ – Utilize Situational Openers. Observe your Surroundings.
There are several different ways you can naturally approach a woman that you would like to get to know. Whatever you’ve heard about using scripted pick up lines, don’t do it. Most women consider them cheesy, hate them, or think they are just plain offensive. While they might be “flattered” that you came up to them, most pick up lines simply do not have the effect you would like them to have…
Perfect example! Asking her opinion on something in front of you is a great way to strike up a conversation...
The best way that I’ve observed to naturally open a conversation up with a woman (or really anyone) is by pointing out an object that both of you can see, immediately right there in front of you. For instance, showing interest in a book that she is reading will mark you as someone who is at the very least slightly intellectual. If you are at a museum, asking her opinion on the art piece in front of both of you, is a good way to broach the conversation… Likewise, if you are at a party/gathering, and you observe that she is eating food by the Hors d’Oeuvres table, asking her opinion by saying something to the extent of “Will I die if I eat this?”, will make her laugh and then following up with “How does it taste?” will get her to describe it. You’ve really already done the hard part at this point. Either way, this approach is not seen as “aggressive” .
(Editorial note: Be careful when at a concert or other performance and using a situational opener. This will draw her attention away from the performance and she might find it annoying. Better to ask what she thinks AFTER the concert is over than while it is happening. )
Again, this is where your Cultivation of Humor (Man Law #23) comes in handy… The first few times you meet her you want to keep things lighthearted, flirtatious, and stay away from heavily charged topics like her thoughts on the “War in Iraq” or her views on Health Care. Current events are great topics in a group setting but one-on-one, your primary focus should be learning about…yes…her. By asking her opinion, you are asking what SHE thinks which is very important in her getting comfortable with you.
The good thing about situational openers is that they work even after the two of you have met each other…You can use them the first time you meet her, or after you two have been dating for six months. For instance, If you are walking through a park, and see a pair of dogs mating, you could point it out to her and say “Don’t get any ideas…”. Wit mixed with observational skills is a powerful tool.
"Is it just me, or does it look like we are sitting on a male body part to you too?"
During the conversation, you want to stay in the moment. Don’t start talking about how drunk you got the night before or what you did at work today, especially with someone new. She doesn’t want to hear it. You want to keep the conversation right there in front of you. She might ask what you did last weekend, don’t fall for it gentleman…change the subject, its a trap. Use this opportunity to make something up so completely unbelievable that she has to laugh. You MUST do this with a straight face for the right effect.
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